Liquid Courage
by IfEverythingWasEverything
Summary: When Maura suddenly comes face to face with the idea she might lose Jane to Casey she acts out in an unexpected way. But should you really follow your heart or listen your head?
1. Chapter 1

Jane had never been more thrilled to get home, the past forty eight hours had been gruelling and she hadn't realised the toll it had taken on her until twenty minutes earlier when she had walked out the front doors of the Boston Police Department. She barely remembered the last time she ate, not counting the donut she took from Korsak in an act of sudden ravenous hunger uncountable hours ago. 48 hours ago they had been struggling to track down a copycat clown who had been repeating kidnapping incidents of young children on their way home from school, something that happened in 1988. Now the creep was safely locked behind bars where he would be staying for a very long time, and now Jane could finally get something decent to eat and a proper nights sleep. After discovering some leftover lasagne Angela had made in the fridge and quickly devouring it followed by a beer, she collapsed onto the couch and let her eyes shut. Jane had contemplated calling Casey, but she couldn't be bothered even moving to get her phone which sat on the coffee table in front of her. In the time that she had been trying to solve a homicide Casey had given her a ring, and when she had shown it to Maura received a less than excited reaction. _Maura_. Jane thought suddenly, she hadn't had a chance to say goodbye to the medical examiner tonight, Maura had left an hour or so before Jane, slipping out the back without notifying anyone of her departure which seemed very un-Maura Jane had thought. But now checking in on her best friend would have to wait until the morning, she sunk deeper into the couch as her as her thoughts began to fade and she slipped into the peaceful abyss of long needed sleep.

A disruptive noise jolted Jane from her sleep, it felt like only 5 minutes since she had shut her eyes but as she pushed her eyelids open and found herself submerged in the darkness of her apartment she knew it was late. The white light of her phone filled the room with an unpleasant glow as it sang loudly demanding to be paid attention to. Jane fumbled for her phone eventually picking it up and seeing Maura's name displayed on her screen.

"Shoot" she muttered cursing herself for not taking two minutes when she had got home to call Maura, it was now 1.43am and she couldn't possibly think of what her friend would need her for at this time, unless it was something bad.

"Maura what is it?" she answered sleepily leaning back on the couch and forcing herself not to shut her eyes again.

"Jane" Maura's voice was hushed "can you come over?"

"It's almost 2am Maura, can it wait?"

"No" Maura said after a pause and something about her voice sounded off, Jane didn't like it. Was she in trouble? Was someone at her house? Within seconds Jane pulled herself off the couch and changed into her favourite Red Sox jersey and sweatpants, grabbing her gun and keys off the kitchen counter she was out the door. It didn't take long to get to Maura's house, Jane leapt out of the car and quietly slipped around to the backdoor, all the lights were on in the house which was a good sign, she tapped quietly on the door and not long after that it swung open and she was greeted by a wide smiling Dr Isles, who was dressed in yoga pants and her red work blouse.

"Well this is a new look" Jane said arching an eyebrow at her giddily happy best friend.

"Jane guess what?!" Maura exclaimed excitedly, grabbing Jane by the arm and pulling her inside shutting the door loudly behind them. Taken aback by the doctor's strange mood Jane turned around curiously and looked at the honey blonde.

"What?" she asked both her eyebrows still raised at the unusual situation.

"I didn't get hives" Maura grinned and skipped past Jane into the kitchen.

"What's that red spot on your neck then? Tomato sauce?" Jane asked following her and putting her gun down on the counter.

"What?" Maura gasped trying to look at her own neck craning her head in unnatural ways.

"Maura stop" Jane demanded and folded her arms across her chest "You made this sound like an emergency so what's happening?"

"I needed to see you" Maura said finally looking back up at Jane "I needed to see _you" _she repeated slower and putting more emphasise on her words.

"Why?" Jane asked her eyes aching from all the light she had suddenly been confronted with. Maura didn't answer she simply turned and looked at her island counter which was unusually cluttered for such an organised and particular person that she was. Her mail was scattered across it unopened, her purse had been carelessly dumped with things spilling out, there were unwashed dishes and several bottles of alcohol sitting around or on top of the mess too.

"If you could drive your car straight up you would arrive in space in just over an hour" Maura said finally "wouldn't that be fun?"

"No, not really" Jane said bluntly her arms still tightly crossed as she watched Maura closely.

Maura sighed and turned back to Jane "a pigs orgasm lasts 30 minutes"

"What?"

"30 minutes is quite a long time, can you imagine…"

Jane cut her friend off "No I can't and please stop with your fun facts, it's the middle of the night and I want to know why I'm here sooner rather than later"

Maura giggled at her friend. _Maura giggled_ Jane suddenly realised, Maura never giggles. She is not a giggler.

"Maur," Jane said slowly and taking a step closer to her friend examining her closely "Are you drunk?"

The medical examiners cheeks flushed pink and she scrunched up her nose holding her thumb and index finger up only millimetres away from each other.

"What the hell Maura" Jane frowned as her friend confirmed it "It's a Wednesday night!"

"I was just um" Maura appeared to be lost for words which was certainly out of character for the doctor, everything about this was out of character for Doctor Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner of the state of Massachusetts, Jane had never known Maura to get drunk, _this_ drunk, with no reason behind it whatsoever, in fact she recalled the doctor telling her at some point that the main reasons people drink are to mask anxiety or depression, and as far as Jane was aware Maura was neither anxious nor depressed. Running a hand through her dark messy curls she let out a deep sigh none of this made sense, and the lack of sleep Jane was facing was starting to give her a thumping headache but she very well understood that she would not be returning home tonight, not with Maura in such bad form. She didn't pretend it didn't worry her, she never liked to think about anything bad ever happening to her best friend, after everything Maura had been through she didn't want her to have to been in any kind of physical or emotional pain ever again.

When she finally shut her thoughts away and turned her attention back to Maura she noticed the blonde was swigging from a bottle of wine, which appeared to already be half empty.

Jane stared at her with wide eyes, _not even using a glass? _She thought, something really must be wrong. And as much as she hated to admit it to herself she was hurt that Maura hadn't come to her earlier, they told each other everything.

"It's very odd you know" Maura said setting the wine bottle back down on the counter.

"What's odd Maura?" Jane said slipping onto one of the counter stools, figuring if she was going to be all ears and figure out what was going on with her friend she may as well make herself comfortable.

Maura ran her finger down the wine bottle she had just put down, everything was a little blurry and her head almost felt light enough to detach from her body and float up to the ceiling, even though she was aware that was scientifically impossible.

"It's just, I just- " she was frustrated with herself for not being able to find the words, but at the same time she was at ease with the fact her brain felt dull and unwillingly to cooperate with her, it was the first time it was almost quiet up there, instead of the usual endless stream of thoughts and information she never seemed to be able to shut off. It was peaceful.

"What is it Maura?" Jane was lost as Maura's train of thought continued to start and stop and start and stop then leave them in silence, as her big hazel eyes would gaze at something in the distance.

Suddenly Maura erupted into hysterical laughter.

"You're going to marry him" she managed to say in between breaths "_him"_

"And you're wearing that" she jabbed a finger at the ring on Jane's finger.

Jane was dumbfounded by Maura's sudden outburst, she watched as her friend failed to control her laughter, she watched without saying a word, she had no idea what to say in all honesty, so she just watched Maura take another long guzzle from the wine bottle and slowly stop laughing, eventually turning to Jane with tears in her eyes and a quivering bottom lip.

"I don't want to lose you" Maura mumbled so quietly she barely heard herself as she reached for the bottle again. This time Jane quickly got up from her chair taking the bottle from Maura's hand and placing it out of her reach.

"I think you've had more than enough Doc" she said realising that whatever was happening with Maura was affecting her a lot more than Jane had hoped. She looked at Maura who stood with her hands by her sides like a naughty school child who was about to be punished, and realised just how small and innocent her best friend seemed tonight, which made Jane desperately want to find out what was troubling her.

"Can you please tell me what's going on Maur?" Jane said trying to sound comforting, her dark eyes watching Maura's every move.

Maura didn't reply, she stared long and hard at the colourless crystalline form of pure carbon that sat on Jane's finger gleaming in the light, she stared at it until she couldn't bare looking at it any longer, shifting her gaze avoiding Jane's eyes so she wouldn't see the tears that had began to well up again in Maura's eyes.

With no straight forward indicators of what was bothering Maura, Jane figured herself it was something to do with the new rock she was sporting so she grabbed her ring and twisted it off her finger. She hadn't said a definite yes yet anyway.

"This make you feel better?" she asked placing it down on the counter and holding her hands up in surrender, wondering whether perhaps it was her that was the problem, but if it was so then why had Maura called her over.

Maura stopped.

"You took it off" she stated and began to take a step back unaware that Bass had crawled into the room and was sitting serenely behind her feet.

"Maura the turtle" Jane exclaimed quickly grabbing Maura by the arm pulling the doctor with such an unexpected force the petite blonde was thrown into Jane's chest. The two looked at each other entirely aware of their close proximity. It was then Jane noticed how truly amazing Maura's eyes were, they were green and gold and rustic brown and they stared up at her with an unreadable expression. It was a look she had never seen her best friend exhibit before, especially not when looking at her, there was something about her wide eyes that almost seemed sad, and as much as Jane struggled with that idea, she acknowledged the fact it made those big hazel eyes look even more beautiful.

"Tortoise" Maura said finally without moving her eyes off Jane's.

"Right" Jane said the word coming out like a breath.

"Is it hot? I'm hot" Maura finally breaking the silence that had quickly filled the non-existent space between them, she slid her hand between the two women and started unbuttoning her blouse without a second thought.

"Maura what are y-" Jane glanced down her eye catching the black lace of Maura's bra before she quickly averted her eyes to the side. She had never thought about Maura in a romantic way, but that didn't mean she wasn't well aware of how attractive her colleague was, and in these few brief moments the two had spent so close to each other she had sworn the warm rush that she had felt inside her was attraction to Maura, although she quickly brushed it away, it was Maura before herself tonight. It was Maura before Jane always.


	2. Chapter 2

**I just wanted to say I'm so surprised so many people have already read this and enjoy it. It really means a lot to me, I honestly didn't expect anyone to actually notice this at all. So thank you guys very much I appreciate it hugely, please let me know any of your thoughts and most importantly stay tuned...there IS more coming. Xxx**

* * *

Maura fumbled to tug off her blouse, her vision beginning to blur from all the wine. She was aware that she had exceeded the amount of alcohol that someone her height and weight would be able to manage, but she just hadn't been able to stop herself on this particular night. Everything in her world seemed to be falling apart, more so than usual. She had dealt with a lot over the past year, her birth mother, the loss of her kidney, her mobster father and his father as well, along with her failure of a love life when it came to men. But none of those things seemed to be pressing as hard on the medical examiner as the fact that Jane had accepted an engagement ring from Casey, which would potentially mean she would move away. Maura knew it was an incredibly selfish thought to have, wishing her best friend would sacrifice her happiness with Casey to stay with her and continue the life they had in Boston, but at the same time she knew how much Jane did love the life she had here and her work as a detective, Maura couldn't imagine Jane doing anything else. However it wasn't just the idea of Jane's potential departure that was upsetting Maura, it was the fact she would be losing her best friend to someone else. Casey was a good guy as far as Maura was concerned, but that didn't stop the constant and growing dislike she had of him, the thought that he got to have Jane all to himself. Jealousy was petty and an ugly trait to have, but Maura couldn't seem to keep it away. Her attraction to Jane wasn't news to her, neither was the idea of being with a woman, Maura had explored many of the possibilities that she was bisexual, of course the science around attraction lead her to many indefinite ends and she knew not everything could be solved by science. She and Jane had been working in close proximities with each other for many years now, they had become extremely close and not only was Jane her best and only real friend, she was also the only person Maura really and truly deeply cared for. She couldn't bare the thought of Casey getting Jane, after the two of them had been through so much together. She had begun to realise her affections for Jane were more than just the love of a best friend many months ago, it kept her up late at night pondering the idea that she was…falling? For the detective. But of course she knew she couldn't do anything about it, she wouldn't risk their friendship for anything and so there was no way she would ever bring it up, unless maybe she was lying on her death bed, but even then she wouldn't want to upset Jane nor leave her wondering about their friendship. So Maura had bitten her tongue and continued on as best as she could, that is until now, until the moment when Jane had burst through the doors of the lab a sparking diamond on her finger. Her first thought had been that it was a very standard engagement ring, there was nothing unique about it which upset her as Jane deserved the best most beautiful ring there was. _I could have done a much better job selecting a ring_ Maura had thought before quickly dismissing the thought. She had left work early and gone out the back to avoid seeing the detective, she knew she was being ridiculous but she had already lost control of her lacrimal glands earlier which had resulted in her crying in front of Jane. No, she wouldn't let that happen again so she quietly left out the back and went home. But the emptiness of her house upon her arrival made her wildly depressed so she slipped into some yoga pants not bothering to change out of her blouse and fetched a bottle of wine from the fridge.

And now Jane was at her house, standing in front of her, she could feel the warmth of her body against her own. But everything was blurry and she felt like the world was tipping from side to side, just to knock her off her feet. She put her hands on the detectives waist and spun them around so they had exchanged places, even in her drunken state was she being precautious as to not accidentally trip over Bass again.

"That better?" Jane questioned and Maura couldn't help notice her eyes wandering down her almost bare chest.

"Much" Maura replied and Jane bit down on her bottom lip unsure where to be looking.

"You still haven't told me what's going on" Jane said "I want to help you, you need to talk to me"

Maura frowned crossing her arms across her chest "Do I look like I need help, detective?"

Jane arched an eyebrow with her are-you-serious look engraved deeply on her face.

"This isn't you, Maura" she gestured at her friend standing in front of her half naked and entirely drunk.

"And what does that mean?" Maura asked grabbing quickly onto the side of the island counter as she felt herself losing balance again.

"Well…" It was Jane's turn to be lost for words.

"You're just always so put together, I guess-" Jane let out a mouthful of air "I guess I'm just not used to seeing you like this"

"No one can stay put together all the time Jane, that's bullshit" Maura said, she had intended it to sound more snappy as she was unnecessarily irritated with Jane for her answer, but her words had sounded tired and quiet.

"I know" Jane said taking a step closer to the doctor and leaning an arm on the counter so they were mirroring each other's stance.

"And you're allowed to be like this Maur, but if you don't tell me what's bothering you I won't be able to help"

Maura smiled, she was always so amazed by Jane's determination to fix everything no matter how big or small, and her belief that she _could_ fix everything. It was beautiful.

"Some things can't be fixed" Maura said with a deflated shrug "they're irremediable, irreparable, uncorrectable…hopeless" she said breathing out a deep sigh.

"Well thank you for the English lesson on all the synonyms for unfixable, but that's still not telling me what's wrong" Jane said a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth but quickly faded.

"Maura please" she begged "Please, even if you think I won't understand at least try me"

Maura just looked at her with her big hazel eyes, wide as the full moon. She desperately wanted to tell Jane everything, everything she had been feeling and suppressing but she couldn't, she had no idea where to start and she desperately didn't want to ruin a friendship over something that she could have controlled.

"If the middle of the night and several bottles of wine later isn't the time for truth then when is?" Jane kept persisting. Maybe it had been a mistake calling Jane and making her come over. A reckless mistake that she now couldn't back track her way out of, and Maura's head was too foggy for her to think clearly of a believable excuse. Shutting her eyes she felt herself wobble on her feet, she knew she wasn't going to be able to hold all her feelings back forever, everything she wanted to say was on the tip of her tongue in a pile of words that could dissolve a friendship in seconds. Suddenly Maura opened her eyes looking straight into the chocolate brown eyes that were staring at her with deep concern. _Actions speak louder than words. _It was true, there was a vast amount of research that proved the truth of those five words. And there were two other words that were ringing through Maura's head; _liquid courage_. Without a second thought she stepped forward closing the gap between Jane and herself, she cupped the brunettes face with her hands and pressed her lips to Jane's, her heart pounded in her chest and blood coursed through her veins like electricity. The soft, velvety tenderness of Jane's lips against her own made Maura feel like she was going to melt, she didn't even care that the detective tasted faintly of beer she just wanted to stay in this moment. But she quickly pulled away, taking a step back and steadying herself by holding the back of the closest stools. Energy was charging through her body, her breathing was rapid and her heart was still hammering loudly in her chest. She looked at the wooden panels of the floor, afraid to look up at Jane and see her reaction, terrified of what those brown eyes might give away that her words did not. Neither of them said a word for several seconds. She's processing, Maura told herself, but when Jane didn't say anything for several more seconds she couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Well you have it now" Maura said quietly "the truth."

After another few seconds of silence the warming and relieving sound of Jane's husky voice filled the void between them.

"Are you at least going to look at me?"

Maura kept her eyes fixated on the ground.

"I c-can't" she said her eyes prickling with tears and she furiously blinked them back.

"Is there a foreign body on both your corneas now Maur? I can see those tears" Jane said softly and before Maura could react the willowy brunette had wrapped the honey blonde tightly in her arms in a comforting embrace. Maura felt herself disintegrate into tears as she clung onto Jane tightly as her head spun and body began to shake.

"I-I'm s-sorry" she sobbed finding herself gasping for air in between sobs. "I'm s-so sorry"

"Shh" Jane whispered holding Maura close and rubbing her hand up and down the smaller woman's bare back soothingly, and in the moment she couldn't help but notice how well Maura fitted into her arms.

"It's okay" she cooed "You're okay, I'm right here"

After some time Maura calmed down, her breathing began to slow and her tears became less and less until she didn't think there were any left. Jane's arms remained around her, her fingers running up and down Maura's back patiently waiting for her to get back to a more tranquil state.

Maura rested her head on Jane's shoulder in exhaustion, her head felt too heavy to hold up by itself and everything seemed to stop spinning when she had it resting there.

"Do you want some water?" Jane asked and Maura attempted to nod, immediately feeling dizzy and light headed, she tightened her arms around Jane's waist fearing the brunettes release of their warm embrace and the touch of her gentle finger tips on her bare skin.

"P-please don' let go" Maura slurred slightly and Jane nodded.

"Okay baby" she said softly "whatever you need I'm right here"

_Baby_ Maura thought _did she call me baby?_


	3. Chapter 3

Jane rested her cheek on the side of Maura's head, inhaling the sweet scent of her honey blonde hair whilst drawing circles on the bare skin of her back. She kept her arms firmly around the fragile woman feeling her shake in her arms, as she knew if she let go Maura could easily collapse, even Jane knew she had had far too much alcohol especially for someone who wasn't used to drinking that much. Maura's skin was beginning to feel cold, she may have been hot enough earlier to take her blouse off but it was autumn now and the nights were growing cooler, even within the warm confines or Dr Isles house. After a few more minutes of them standing pressed together in the kitchen, Jane pulled back slightly and looked closely at Maura.

"Maur" her tone was gentle and patient.

"Let's get you to the couch, okay?"

"Mm" Maura mumbled not lifting her head off of Jane.

"Okay" Jane said making the decision for the both of them that it was time Maura sat down, they couldn't stand here all night, as much as Jane was enjoying it. She released the doctor from her cradle and began to guide her towards the couch, an arm supportively holding Maura around the waist. Maura shuffled along slowly beside Jane wishing she could be more helpful to the detective but she simply had no control over herself at the present.

"Alright" Jane said as the finally got closer to the couch "here we go, nice and slow" she helped Maura lower herself down onto the couch then grabbed a neatly folded fluffy blanket and draped it over her to keep her warm.

"I'm gonna get you some water" Jane said once Maura was comfortably settled "and maybe a shirt"

Maura gave her a small grateful smile, immediately feeling better as the hug of the blanket began to warm her. Jane went back into the kitchen taking a moment to gather herself she leaned with both hands on the sink, holding her up. She realised how empty her arms felt now that Maura wasn't occupying them, it felt strange almost as though a piece of herself had been detached. Her lips were still tingling from the kiss as well, the supple and loving feel of Maura's lips on hers was a unexpected delight, that entire encounter had been unexpected but somewhat wonderful yet Jane still felt conflicted. Obviously, Maura was her best friend and she had never foreseen her best friend ever doing something like that ever, but she had clearly been missing the signs. How long had Maura been holding onto this? Jane sighed as she began to fill up a glass of water, she was supposed to be marrying Casey, but after that, after Maura releasing so much built up emotion and feeling onto Jane she wasn't sure of anything anymore. There had been something urgent about the way the medical examiner had kissed her, as if it were her last few moments on earth and she didn't dare to waste them, as if she was losing her chances rapidly. Jane couldn't deny that it had felt good, amazing in fact, an electric thrill had powered through her body making her feel more alive than she ever had before. She had wanted to kiss Maura again, just to be sure she hadn't been dreaming, in the shock of the moment as the small woman had lurched towards her Jane had frozen unable to move or react, all she could do was feel the energy and emotion coming from Maura. She hated herself for not kissing the M.E back, it had quickly made it's way to the top of _Jane Rizzoli's Regret List. _

She took the glass of water into Maura, pausing before entering the living room silently observing the gorgeous woman on the couch sit there nervously picking at the pieces of fluff from the blanket. _She is an absolute mess tonight_, Jane thought with a tiny smile playing on her face as she looked at Maura, _but she is the most beautiful mess I have ever seen_. Jane handed Maura the glass of water and she quickly began to gulp it down.

Jane watched for a moment before turning to get Maura a shirt.

"I promise not to mess up your closet" she smirked as she dashed up the stairs and into the doctors extensively large closet. She looked around lost at all the different sections Maura had overly organised, turning in several circles before spying a basket sitting beside the shoe wall of Jane's clothes that she had left here. Rummaging through the basket she decided if they were her clothes Maura couldn't get mad at her for messing up the arrangement of the neatly folded shirts and odd socks, she pulled out one of her grey BPD t-shirt's, then turned abruptly with a smile on her face and went back downstairs.

"I thought you might be more comfortable in this" Jane said holding the folded t-shirt out to Maura who cautiously reached a hand out and took it, as if she were being passed a ticking bomb. But as soon as she realised what it was she flushed a deep shade of pink and tried to hide the smile that was trying to form.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah" Jane shrugged nonchalantly as Maura pulled the top on and Jane pretended it wasn't a big deal to see the adorable medical examiner wearing her favourite t-shirt.

"I think it suits me" Maura said looking down at the top and then up at Jane who just smiled and sat herself down on the couch pulling Maura's legs over her lap. The two women fell into silence, neither of them sure whether or not to bring up the kiss or not. Maura fidgeted with the edge of the blanket trying to suppress her nervous habit of spouting off useless trivia, not that Jane would mind. Thankfully it was Jane who spoke first, after studying the medical examiner for several quiet seconds and seeing how skittish she appeared to be she knew she had to say something, and there was really only one thing she could think of.

"Maura" she said and two hazel eyes looked up and met hers.

"Could you, uh" the focus of Maura's eyes on her own made her stumble of her words, distracted. "Could you do that again" she finally managed to say.

"Do what?" Maura asked curiously.

"Um, what you did in the kitchen."

And suddenly Maura clicked. Jane was asking her to kiss her again. She felt her body tense under the blanket as the brunette just looked at her, waiting. Maura pulled her legs off Jane's lap slowly, pushing the blanket off herself and edging closer to her until they were only a heartbeat away from each other. Jane bit down on her bottom lip and Maura swallowed a groan at how sexy she looked, taking a shaky breath she slipped onto the detectives lap straddling her legs, her arms wrapping around Jane's neck, her heart began to beat loudly against her chest again. She looked at Jane making sure she definitely wanted to do this, and Jane gave a small nod her eyes not budging off Mauras.

She leaned in so her mouth was only millimetres away from Jane's, suddenly being overwhelmed by nerves she couldn't get herself to go further. They were so close they shared the air between them, Maura could smell vanilla and cocoa her favourite two scents that belonged to Jane. Then suddenly Maura pulled back, she couldn't do it. Once was something, it was good, but twice… what if this changed everything. The first time could easily be counted as a drunk mistake but a second time, no. She just couldn't. Sitting back on the detectives lap she hung her head upset with herself for being unable to go through with it.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled under her breath barely loud enough for her to hear, but Jane heard.

"Hey" Jane said her husky voice was calming to Maura's thumping heart "it's okay" she said pulling Maura closer and kissing her lightly on the cheek, lingering before pulling away a fraction and glancing at the blonde who was visibly breathing faster than normal.

"I get it" Jane whispered.

"Do you?" Maura's voice was barely above a breath.

"I do" Jane said kissing the medical examiners cheek again, this time leaving her lips on her soft skin.

"Oh god" Maura sighed turning her head almost immediately so that Jane's lips met her own and locked together, joining, combining, becoming one so far to the point that Maura didn't know where she finished and Jane began, but in that moment it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Jane was the only thing that existed to her.

Jane kissed the blonde with passion, not wanting to leave any part of her mouth unexplored. She kissed her deeply, so deeply she forgot about Casey, she forgot about everyone and everything. She just wanted Maura, all of her and as she wrapped her arms around the doctors torso she felt complete again, her arms weren't empty anymore. Everything she needed was there, in her arms. The taste of Maura was addictive, so was the soft tenderness of her lips and the warmth of her tongue inside her mouth filling it, making her want more.

When they finally broke away from each other they were both breathless. Maura's lips were parted, red and slightly swollen as she looked at Jane speechless. She fell back down onto the couch, her head beginning to spin again as she was quickly plummeted back into the reality of her dizzy intoxication. She reached for her water and took a quick sip, hoping it would somehow cast a quick recovery, but instead it made her stomach churn. Jane still hadn't taken her eyes off her, she looked shocked and stunned but also completely content.

"Do you get it now? You could have had me" Maura groaned leaning back into the comfy cushions behind her, unaware of the fact her thoughts were coming out aloud.

"But you were entirely oblivious, completely unaware the entire time." She sighed and shut her eyes.

"Oh Jane…Janie"

Jane lifted an eyebrow the smirk on her face growing as she watched as the medical examiner unknowingly rambled on. It was rare for Jane to be granted access to what Maura was thinking without the doctor telling her, usually it was almost impossible for Jane to know what was happening in that big brain of hers. Jane watched as Maura licked her lips, she wondered if it was the lingering taste of their kiss that Maura was somehow trying to prolong.

"Maur" She said and at the mention of her name the doctors eyes flew open and she jolted upright her eyes wide with terror, clutching a hand over her mouth she wildly looked around. Jane didn't need to be told what was happening, growing up with two brothers she was very much accustomed to the look on someones face before they puked. Her eyes instantly scanned the room, she spotted a fruit bowl that was sitting on the table behind the couch, she grabbed the bowl tipping the fruit out ignoring the clattering of apples and oranges as they fell to the floor, she slid the bowl under Maura's chin just as the medical examiners hand moved away from her mouth and she expelled her stomach contents; filling the bowl.

"Gross, Maura" Jane said in soft sarcasm, but Maura didn't laugh she simply pushed the bowl away from under her chin and looked down at her hands.

"You alright?" Jane asked suddenly concerned at her friends lack of response. Maura shook her head slowly, her chest was rising and falling rapidly, her skin suddenly looking deathly white. Maura couldn't believe she had just vomited in front of Jane, after the intimate moment they had just shared she had completely ruined it. She still felt queasy, her head was still spinning circles and she could feel her hands tremble, humiliated by what had just happened she let out an uncontrollable sob, tears fell down her cheeks before she had a chance to stop herself and she struggled to regain any composure.

"Okay let's get you to upstairs" Jane said with an anxious look on her face, setting the puke bowl down and rising from the couch and holding both her hands out for Maura to take, but she just sat there as tears cascaded down her cheeks, sucking in deep shaky gulps of air.

"Hey" Jane said crouching down in front of her "you don't need to cry honey" she gently brushed a strand of hair from Maura's face tucking it lightly behind her ear.

"Everyone pukes now and then" But when Maura didn't reply, or even look up Jane sighed, it was obvious the doc was embarrassed but she had no reason to be. Jane wasn't bothered by a little bit of stomach content, hell Maura had held a dish of churned up dead person's stomach content under her nose once and asked her to smell it!

Standing up again she looked down at Maura who was once again fidgeting with her trembling hands, then suddenly she scooped the doctor up into her arms and turned around slowly to head upstairs to Maura's bathroom.

"I'm sorry Doctor Isles but you left me no choice" Jane said kissing the side of Maura's head as she carted her up the stairs. Maura was shocked that Jane had swept her up so easily, as if she were just a small child, her head pounded with the sudden movements but it was quickly subdued and forgotten with the quick kiss Jane placed on her temple, leaving that spot feeling warm and tingly.

"You're okay" Jane continuously reassured her all the way up the stairs until they were in the bathroom and Jane placed her down on the bathmat. Maura sat back down immediately feeling dizzy as she was placed on her own two feet. Her stomach was still churning and she knew it was only a matter of minutes before the next lot would be ready to come out. Jane filled a glass of water and handed it to the doctor who had slumped down on the bathmat, with her back leaning against the side of the bath. She retrieved a flannel from Maura's heated towel rack and ran it under the cool water before squeezing it out and taking a seat down next to her. Maura's tears had eased and she sipped the water slowly and unsurely, Jane watched her closely readying herself for the moment where she would have to throw herself out of the line of fire and pull the honey blonde hair back so Maura didn't have to get upset about her hair being in the toilet as well. And, sure enough several seconds later Maura lurched forward, and as if it was routine that they had practised everyday Jane sprung up gathering up Maura's hair and gently pulling it as far back from the toilet as she could then tying it up loosely, being extra careful not to hurt the doctor as she heaved up all the alcohol in her system into the toilet. Jane soothingly rubbed Maura's back as she heard the medical examiner begin whimpering again her shaky arms wrapped tightly around the toilet bowl.

"It's okay Maur" Jane comforted her "I'm right here"

When Maura had finished the second round she sat back looking drained and exhausted. Jane wiped her mouth clean with the flannel and made her sip more water.

"Feeling better?" she asked with a cute smile and Maura nodded.

"I have to say, it's strange being around a non-wordy Maura" she tried to joke and Maura gave a weak smile.

"You don't make a good mute doc" she said and Maura's eyes studied her, looking darker and tired.

Jane sat back against the wall directly opposite Maura, they looked at each other quietly absorbed in the silence. There was so much on Jane's mind that she wanted to talk about with Maura, she knew now was not the time but there were some things she just didn't want to keep in.

"I did notice" she said conclusively.

"Maybe not in the way you wanted me to, but in my own way I noticed, it's hard not to notice you I mean… you're stunning"

Maura pulled a face at the use of the word stunning, she sat on her bathroom floor with the taste of vomit in her mouth and her makeup smudged all down her face from bursting into tears in front of her best friend…again. She hardly felt stunning.

"Don't give me that look" Jane playfully frowned "You're stunning even now"

Maura opened her mouth to say something but quickly swung herself around and vomited into the toilet bowl.

"See" Jane said when she was finished this time "No one tosses their cookies as gracefully as you"

"Don't" Maura managed in between dry heaves "make me laugh"

"Don't make you laugh?" Jane repeated, half surprised that Maura knew what tossing cookies had meant "But I thought laughter was the best medicine, Doctor"

Maura gave Jane a feeble shove and then returned her arm to being wrapped around the toilet.

The two of them stayed in the bathroom for the next hour, Maura had stopped throwing up after half an hour but she refused to leave "just in case" she couldn't bare the thought of puking in any of her other rooms on any of her furniture. Jane kept rubbing her back as she retched and whispering calming things into her ear, in which Maura was silently grateful for. She didn't have much experience with emesis, she had never caught stomach bugs as a child, and she wasn't a heavy drinker so it was never something she had had to deal with. She had food poisoning once many years ago when she had first moved to Boston which was in fact her first time ever vomiting, a fact that several people had been surprised by, not that she had shared those detailed moments with many people. She was grateful Jane was there, as much as she hated the state that Jane was seeing her in, the detective didn't seem to mind, she had done everything and more to make sure Maura was as comfortable as possible.

When Jane finally helped Maura off the floor and flushed the toilet several times, then placed strong smelling incense sticks beside it at Maura's request, the they made their way into the bedroom. She helped Maura into bed, astonished that she hadn't determinedly changed into her silk pyjamas. Jane fussed around for several minutes before returning and perching on the edge of Maura's bed.

"So there's water and saltines there" she said pointing at Maura's nightstand "And there's a bucket there too, _just in case" _She mimicked the medical examiners words with a cheeky smile.

"Is there anything else I can do, or get you?" she asked stroking Maura's legs which were warmly tucked under the soft covers on her bed.

"I think I'll be okay" she said with a thankful smile.

"You think? Does that mean you're guessing Doctor Isles?" Jane pretended to gasp and Maura let out a small exhausted laugh.

"I think you should have been a nurse, Jane" she giggled sleepily.

"A nurse huh" Jane said grinning "you just want me in one of those _slutty_ outfits" with those words Maura blushed a deep shade of crimson.

"Jane" she said quietly.

"Yeah Maura?"

"Can you stay here tonight?"

"I was planning on it" Jane replied giving Maura an _you really think I would leave you _look.

"What I meant" Maura said lifting her eyes to meet Jane's "is could you stay _here_ tonight"

She lightly patted the empty spot on the bed next to her and Jane lifted an eyebrow.

"Oh" she said. She had slept in Maura's bed several times, but tonight she knew it would be slightly different, yes Maura was going to be out like a light in only a matter of minutes, but it was still different. They had kissed. Twice. She had begin to feel a strange tug in her heart towards Maura that she had never seemed to notice before, she wanted to be near her and now the ME was asking her to stay in her bed with her. _Nothing is going to change in these next few hours_ Jane told herself. It would be fine. They could just talk it out tomorrow.

"Of course" she answered and slipped off her shoes before climbing into bed and finally releasing all the tension she had been holding in her body, letting herself sink down onto the soft bed. She felt her eyelids grow heavy fast, she had forgotten how tired she had been before Maura had called her, finally she was getting to sleep. Peacefully and undisturbed.

A warm arm slipped over her stomach and she felt a leg press up against hers, Maura curled up against Jane comfortably giving Jane the space she knew she would want, but being close enough so that she could feel the brunettes warmth. Jane placed a hand over Maura's and gave it a few soft strokes, both women completely content and still.

Maura was almost asleep when she heard Jane whisper.

"Goodnight Maura"

"Goodnight Jane" she whispered back, but was unsure whether the words had actually managed to leave her lips as she slipped quietly into the oblivion of sleep.

* * *

**Thoughts? Feelings? Emotions? Anything?**

**Please let me know what you're thinking!**

**And again I'm so shocked by the amount of people who have shown interest in this! I think I'm going to have to try and elongate it from being just a one shot...**

**Thank you for reading, and keep your eyes open there will be more coming soon. I promise :) xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

Light seeped in through the gaps of the curtains in Maura's room. It was a bright and unsympathetic light which drove Maura's eyes to flutter open as she could no longer sleep privately with the light intruding. Glancing over at her clock with blurry eyes she could just make out that it was just past eleven.

"Oh mother…fooey" she grumbled stopping herself from cursing, swearing was unpleasant and she tried to catch herself as often as she could. But realising the time and the fact she was several hours late for work she thought maybe correcting herself hadn't been necessary. As Maura sat up from the comfort of her pillows and loving bed, her head began to pound so aggressively she almost had to lay back down again. Rubbing her temples soothingly in a desperate attempt to help her thumping head, she caught glimpse of a familiar grey t-shirt she was wearing. _No, it can't be… _she thought a sudden cluster of thoughts clouding her already foggy brain. She couldn't possibly be wearing Jane's favourite BPD shirt, that would almost be as crazy as Jane wearing Maura's favourite pair of heels. But sure enough when Maura pulled the shirt out to get a better look at it she saw the unmistakable black lettering **Property of Boston Police Dept.** Maura let out a small gasp as a vague memory of her puking into her ceramic fruit bowl filled her mind. _Oh no, no, no._ Maura tossed back the covers of her bed and swung her legs out almost landing directly in her large red washing bucket.

"What is that doing there?" She mumbled, everything was so strangely disordered. She took a moment to catch her balance, swaying slightly at the sharp pain that was insistently hammering away at the inside of her head, causing her vision to blur. She felt heavy and groggy as she slowly and languidly made her way out of her room and down the stairs. Halfway down she was startled out of her sleepy daze by a loud clattering and banging of cupboards coming from her kitchen. She cautiously took another step, trying to peer around the corner even though she knew it would be no use. Then all of a sudden she remembered Jane. Jane had been here last night. Her eyes widened and she plastered her back against the wall of the stairs as she frantically scrambled to put into order the events that happened last night. She remembered calling Jane, then pulling the detective into her house when she had amazingly shown up, she remembered consuming most of the wine in her fridge, and Jane hassling her to tell her what was wrong. _What was wrong?_ She had an unfortunate memory of puking into her fruit bowl which she was hoping was a dream, and then being in the bathroom upstairs with Jane, but there had been something else…something she had felt, something that had made her ventricle impulse rapidly increase.

"No…" Maura whispered clamping her hand firmly over her mouth in terror as she suddenly recalled the soft taste of Jane's lips against hers, and the dark bittersweet scent of her skin as they had embraced.

She immediately turned and began to make her way back up the stairs, after taking two steps she stopped herself glancing back over her shoulder at the doorway into the kitchen. She was a grown well respected woman, yet here she was acting like a child trying to run away from something she didn't want to do, it was a stupid childish idea for her to hide in her room. If Jane was still here then she would eventually come up, Maura sighed. Maybe she could just pretend like she couldn't remember the pivotal moments the two of them had shared, technically she wouldn't be lying, would she?

Taking a deep breath she quickly tried to smooth down her tousled bed hair before descending down the rest of the stairs. Her heart thumped as loudly as her head did as she approached the kitchen, eager to get some painkillers in her system before she passed out from the terrible pain that was maliciously attacking her head.

"Well would ya look at that" Jane looked amazed as soon as she saw Maura step foot into the room "she's up, _and_ moving" she raised both her hands up into the air like she was thanking God.

"It's a miracle" she grinned and came around to the other side of the counter pulling out a stool for Maura to sit at. The doctor silently sat down and instantly slid her head into her hands. Jane chuckled to herself watching the clearly hungover medical examiner wallow in her seat, her mascara was still smudged under her eyes and her honey blonde hair was disheveled, but still she looked beautiful as ever. Stop it, Jane mentally growled catching herself quickly before she had anymore sappy thoughts about the doctor. She grabbed Maura's favourite mug that she had just filled and slid it across the counter so it was right under Maura's nose.

"Drink" she instructed and followed up by sliding a packet of painkillers beside it.

Maura lifted her head a fraction and smiled.

"Thank you" she mumbled quietly, strangely amazed that Jane was actually still here. She picked up her mug and sniffed the substance inside it.

"Is this instant?" she asked and Jane rolled her eyes.

"No, Maura it's not I've learnt my lesson about having instant coffee in your house" Jane smirked and took a sip from her own coffee.

"You used my espresso machine?"

"God no" Jane said "I went for a run this morning and picked these up on the way back"

Maura frowned. There were so many puzzling things about the situation that she couldn't understand. It was only then she noticed that Jane was in fact in running gear, aside from wearing the same Boston Red Sox shirt that Maura remembered she had on last night, Jane was in black running shorts and her sneakers. _She went for a run and bought me coffee? _Maura pondered running her finger thoughtfully around the edge of her mug. _And why is she acting so…calm? _Then a sudden thought struck Maura so hard she almost wobbled off the stool, what if kissing Jane had never happened at all? Maybe she had been hallucinating, although usually alcohol didn't cause hallucinations, it just weakened senses.

Maura watched Jane closely as she opened up the newspaper, spreading it out over the counter and beginning to read it, her brow furrowing with concentration. Maura took a long sip of her coffee, enjoying the warmth of the liquid travel down her throat with the strength of the caffeine making her feel more awake immediately. Her stomach rumbled as the coffee hit it, realising it had been over 15 hours since she had last eaten.

"Hungry?" Jane asked without looking up and Maura flushed pink embarrassed that her stomach had been so intrusively loud.

"Just a little" she replied and Jane looked up.

"Well it's a good thing I got breakfast too" she said turning around and grabbing a brown paper bag off the kitchen counter and presenting it in front of Maura, letting her investigate the bag herself she eventually pulled out the toasted organic breakfast bagel.

"You brought me a breakfast bagel?" Maura's approval was apparent as she smiled lovingly at the bagel like it was the first time she had seen one in years. Jane watched her, an eyebrow lifted and a goofy smile plastered to her face, however she was quick to wipe the look off her face as Maura looked up.

"Thank you, Jane" she said.

"It's all good…I mean you have no food in your fridge, literally" Jane replied "And I figured we can't have you moping around with a hangover for the next 24 hours so"

Suddenly Maura remembered she was meant to go grocery shopping last night, but instead she had come home and wept over several bottles of wine. It was at that moment she was also reminded of the mess her island counter had been, but now it was spotless in fact it was so clean she swore she could see it sparkle in the sunlight. The wine bottles were gone, her mail was in a tidy pile and her purse had it contents back in it and was hanging neatly off the back of one her dining chairs. Maura swivelled around in her seat with a mouthful of bagel, her eyes scanned her living room, that was spotless too and her ceramic bowl was in place on the table with all the fruit placed inside it. Turning back to Jane slowly she asked herself if she was going crazy.

"You feeling any better yet?" Jane asked hopefully, wanting her efforts to perk Maura up to have worked. Maura nodded and quickly swallowed two painkillers with a mouthful of coffee, desperately wanting to avoid the subject of whatever happened or didn't happen last night.

"We really should get to work" she said relieved when she remembered they had other common ground to talk about. She got up off the stool and Jane stopped her.

"Ah no we really shouldn't" She said taking Maura by the shoulders and sitting her back down gently. Maura looked deeply confused, in fact Jane thought she almost looked like she had woken up in an alternate universe and had no clue what was going on at all.

"I called us in sick" she explained "you are in no state to be at work, and I…well I have so many hours owing to me I could take a year off"

Maura's mouth formed a perfect O. She wasn't entirely happy about Jane calling her in sick, she was the Chief Medical Examiner of Massachusetts she very rarely took sick days, in fact she couldn't remember the last time she had. She would show up to work no matter how bad she felt, Jane was usually the one to send her home after lunch even though she would always persist at admitting she was fine. She was dedicated to her work, that wasn't a crime, and today she was a little hungover it was nothing she couldn't have handled herself.

"You really didn't have to do that" she said trying not to sound upset with Jane, she had only been trying to do what she thought was best for Maura.

Jane lifted an eyebrow picking up on Maura's tone. "Are you saying that you could have stood on your feet all day doing autopsy's with what's going on up there and not chopped off someones arm accidentally?" she gestured at Maura's head and Maura knew she had no place argue, Jane did have a point. She wasn't sure any amount of painkillers were going to stop this hangover.

"Well, I just…" Maura buried her nose into her coffee cup so she didn't have to finish a sentence she didn't have an end to.

"You just need to accept you're having the day off Maur" Jane said with her cheeky smile she always wore when she knew she had won and gotten her way. She looked down and went back to reading the paper, not that she was reading it exactly, she couldn't bring herself to focus with Maura sitting so close to her. She didn't know what had gotten into her, just because Maura had kissed her didn't mean she suddenly liked the medical examiner, feelings don't just grow overnight or had these feelings been there all along and Jane just hadn't known it. Whatever the case, she couldn't stop thinking about the kiss, Maura straddling her lap, the feeling of her in Jane's arms. Jane bit down hard on her bottom lip, it had been stupid of her to ask the medical examiner to kiss her again, she was so drunk she probably didn't even remember it. What if she bought it up and Maura didn't know what she was talking about, or worse what if Maura regretted what she had done, but her words rang clearly in Jane's mind _"Do you get it now? You could have had me." _You could have had me. No one had forced Maura to say those words, she had said them all of her own accord, and maybe she hadn't been aware that it was out loud but she had still meant it.

"What happened last night?" Maura's voice cut through Jane's thoughts and she looked up at the blonde meeting her hazel eyes immediately.

"Did I… vomit in my fruit bowl?" Maura couldn't help herself any longer, she had spent the entire time she was eating possibly the best bagel she had ever tasted arguing with herself whether or not to bring last night up with Jane. She desperately didn't want to because it still had the potential to ruin everything, but at the same time she was sick of cowering away from her feelings towards Jane. Yes, she felt something stronger than friendship towards the detective and she had been suppressing those emotions for months in fear of ruining their relationship, and losing the one person she cared the most about. But keeping those feelings locked inside her weren't doing any good, they would wake her during the night and fill the empty air after Jane left the room, she couldn't hide from them forever. And if she remembered correctly Jane had asked her to kiss her again last night, which was something all on its own. So she had given in.

"You don't remember?" Jane asked narrowing her eyes trying to hide the anxiety that was creeping up on her.

"Hives, Doctor Isles" she added pointing at Maura's chest, as a prompt for Maura to tell the truth.

"I…well…yes" Maura stumbled over her words, knowing she couldn't lie to Jane.

"It's just, my fruit bowl" Maura said looking over her shoulder at her favourite blue ceramic bowl.

"You did puke in the fruit bowl Maura" Jane admitted to her with a smile toying at the corners of her mouth at how concerned Maura was at least pretending to be about the bowl.

"But I cleaned it, multiple times and put everything back where it was, including the disaster that was all over here" she gestured at the counter in front of them and Maura looked at Jane with wide eyes.

"You tidied my house?"

"Everything smelt like puke or alcohol…I had to do something" Jane laughed softly at the shocked expression displayed across Maura's face.

"T-thank you" Maura said seeming slightly on edge.

"Is that…" Jane's voice trailed off, but she cleared her throat quickly, deciding to continue before it was too late and the subject passed. "Is that all you wanted to bring up from last night?" she asked hoping she wasn't pressing Maura too much.

Maura looked at her studying Jane's chocolate brown eyes, they needed to do this, they needed to talk about this as it wasn't going to go away on its own.

"Sometimes" Maura said after ruminating over Jane's question for several insufferable seconds "All you need it twenty seconds of insane courage"

Jane lifted an eyebrow curiously at Maura's choice of words.

"Is that scientifically proven?" she asked, unsure of how else to respond.

"No" Maura said nonchalantly "It's a quote, from We Bought a Zoo, it is really a very touching movie, you should see it"

A smile broke out on Jane's face at and a laugh escaped her lips, Maura was the smartest and most adorable dork she had ever had the pleasure of knowing. She couldn't help but smile.

"Duly noted" the sound of Jane's laughter made Maura smile, she was never sure what she had said that would make Jane burst into laughter, or look at her with those big chocolate brown eyes with a look of some kind of adoration or affection, but she wasn't complaining. She loved to make Jane smile. It made her smile.

* * *

**Again, I would just like to say how much I appreciate you guys reading this and all of the lovely comments you've been leaving for me. It really does make my day seeing you enjoy this story. I feel like I've been spoiling you with the daily updates but at the same time with the support you've been giving me you totally deserve it :)**

**Please please please continue letting me know your thoughts and feelings about it, I'm always open to any criticism too. Anything you're feeling after reading this I want to know!**

**The next update might take a little longer, I've decided to try and turn this into a full fic instead of a oneshot as it has sort of already exceeded that limit. I need a bit of time to plan what's going to happen, and unfortunately I do have some uni work that needs to be done. So thank you again for being so wonderful and bare with me...MORE IS COMING! Much love xxxxx**


	5. Chapter 5

"Maura, no" Jane groaned as she gently pushed the medical examiner back into the house.

"You're not coming with me"

"You can't just force me inside and leave me here like an untrained puppy, Jane" Maura argued trying to reach out and take the keys out of Jane's hand.

"The purpose today is so you can stay inside and _rest_" Jane reminded her, lifting her arm above her head so Maura couldn't get her car keys.

"Going grocery shopping is hardly going to exhaust me" Maura frowned.

"I think you just want to come because you don't trust me to get all the right weird things you have on your list" Jane smirked and Maura frowned folding her arms across her chest and stepping back in surrender.

"I'm right aren't I?" Jane continued smirking, watching Maura closely wondering if she was considering lying and risking the itchy red rash breaking out on her chest.

"Well, can I at least go for a run?" Maura asked changing the subject, she didn't know why she was asking for Jane's permission she could technically do whatever she pleased. But it seemed today as though Jane continued on with her role of looking after Maura and was in charge of dictating what she was allowed to do and not do.

"No" Jane exclaimed "I said _rest_ Maura, do you need me to spell it out for you? Or should I just tie you to the couch instead?"

Maura huffed in defeat.

"Exercising when you're hungover helps gets rid of the toxins from drinking"

"I doubt you would even make it to the end of the street" Jane announced "and you know what else helps, the couch, now go back inside, I won't be long"

Maura pouted as Jane began to close the door on her, giving her a warning look to get back inside quickly. Maura didn't want Jane to go, even if it was only for an hour or so, she couldn't face the idea of being alone in her house with all her thoughts. She stood staring blankly at the door which Jane had just shut for several seconds, contemplating what to do. She would have tidied up had Jane not already done so, cleaning always took her mind off her problems. Wandering back into the living room she fell back down on the couch, sweeping her iPad off the coffee table and bringing up one of her multiple shopping tabs, if looking at shoes wasn't going to distract her then she feared nothing would. As she scrolled down the page occasionally marking off shoes she would look at later, she felt her mind began to drift, she checked the time every few minutes wondering if Jane would be returning any time soon but when she realised it had only been 15 minutes since the detectives departure she shut off her iPad and got up. This was ridiculous, she couldn't sit there for another minute. She had to go out and do _something _to kill the time. Her head was still pounding, as though there was a little man up there with an axe ruthlessly hammering away, but her body felt stronger now that she had eaten and the painkillers had made her feel slightly more normal again. She went upstairs and into the bathroom, gasping at how immaculate it looked, a sweet aroma of honeysuckle and jasmine filled her nose as she spotted her favourite incense sticks sitting beside the toilet. Had Jane cleaned in here too? The memory of her hanging over the toilet made her feel queasy but she quickly remembered Jane had been there with her the entire time. Jane had been there. Maura sighed as she saw her reflection, a groggy looking woman stared back at her with dull eyes, messy hair and last nights make-up still smudged down her face.

"My god" Maura muttered horrified at what she was seeing.

"How did I not send Jane running for the hills?" she asked herself immediately beginning to remove the makeup from under her eyes.

After she had cleaned herself up and managed to tame her hair back to a relatively normal looking state she changed into some black leggings and a comfortably loose striped top. She was reluctant to take off Jane's t-shirt but it smelt faintly of puke and she couldn't take it much longer. Going back downstairs she picked up her keys and slipped on her Nikes, she knew she was going against Jane's will by going outside, but she also knew she would feel much better if she indulged herself in fresh air even if it was only for 15 minutes. Maura glanced at the time before she left making sure she would get back just before she estimated Jane would return home. It was a lovely autumn day, the air was crisp and trees lined up along Maura's street were in the midst of changing colour, the beautiful oranges, reds and gold stood out magnificently against the blue sky. Maura took a deep breath fresh air filling her lungs and invigorating her senses, she felt alive in that moment. She began to amble down the road, noticing as the pounding of her head faded ever so slightly. The sun shone through the dabbled leaves of the tree, hitting Maura's face touching her skin with a warm tenderness, she smiled to herself as she stepped onto the main road the buzz of cars and people filling her ears. Sometimes when she was locked away in her house she got so caught up in mind that she would forget there was a whole world out there. Her problems seemed minimal when she was outside, and looking up at the sky she felt small but somewhat infinite, it filled her with a strange optimism that everything would be okay, and reminded her of how minuscule her problems really were compared to everything else that was out there.

* * *

Jane pulled into Maura's driveway, leaping enthusiastically out of the car glad that she was finally home and got to see Maura again. _Home _she thought, it wasn't exactly her home, but it was pretty damn close. She loaded her arms up with the groceries she had bought and staggered towards the door, it had taken her longer than usual as some of Maura's requests had been absolutely impossible to track down; Jane wasn't used to shopping for Maura and her extremely refined palette. Turning the door handle with great care not to drop anything she was frustrated to find that the door was locked, knocking lightly with her knuckles Jane waited impatiently for Maura to get the door, the groceries growing heavier in her arms by the second. But when a minute passed and there was no answer Jane frowned, giving into to the weight and placing one of the bags down so she could unlock the door herself. Maybe she's asleep, Jane thought. That would explain the locked door. But as she went inside the house felt strangely silent.

"Maura" she called out dragging the bags into the kitchen and one by one placing them with a loud thud onto the bench. Silence rung through the house and Jane wandered into the living room where she saw an abandoned couch, looking exactly how she had left it this morning after she tidied it up. With a frown on her face she bounded up the stairs to Maura's bedroom pushing the door open to discover that, that to was empty.

"Maura" she called out again, stopping to listen for a response from wherever the medical examiner had hidden herself away. But there was nothing, again she was greeted by the silence. Pulling out her phone to check for messages, there was nothing. Just an text from Frost making sure she was okay, no one was used to Jane taking days off in fact she and Korsak had a friendly competition going about who had the most days off owing to them. She mentally made a note to reply to him later letting him know she was fine, but right now she needed to find Maura. She couldn't have possibly left the house after Jane had asked her not to, would she? It was unlike Maura to be rebellious even if she knew she had a choice she often would listen to Jane. Going back downstairs ready to search the rest of the house, the front door suddenly swung open and a rosy cheeked Maura walked in clutching a bunch of flowers in a bag.

"Maura?" it came out as a question.

"Jane" Maura stated in shock that she hadn't noticed the detectives car outside. The two of them stared at each other unsure of what to say, Maura immediately felt guilty for doing the opposite of what Jane had asked her and she nibbled her lip anxiously not knowing what to say.

"Were you…gardening?" Jane asked gesturing at the flowers Maura was holding, knowing very well that the doctor had not been gardening.

"I was just…" Maura looked around as if she was searching the room for an answer.

"I got you something" she said finally finding her words and pulling the flowers from the bag.

"Flowers Maur?" Jane asked.

"No, these are not for you" she replied "These are for the kitchen, it looked a little dull. This is for you"

She pulled out a six pack of Jane's favourite beer and Jane took it with both hands, an eyebrow arched and a smirk growing on her face.

"Oh I get it" Jane said "It's my turn to get ragingly drunk?"

Maura went a light shade of pink and Jane grinned, it was amazing how quickly the doctor could blush around her.

"No, I was just…well, I wanted" Maura tripped over her words, feeling her cheeks still burning from Jane's comment.

"I guess I didn't think that through" she managed to say and Jane laughed.

"I just wanted to thank you for last night" she bit her lip and looked up at Jane feeling her heart flutter as those chocolate brown eyes met with her own.

"Anytime" Jane said softly "We should _totally _do that again sometime"

Maura figured Jane was being sarcastic but at the same time she wanted to know which part Jane wanted to again. _Which part? Which part Jane? _The words sat at the tip of Maura's tongue, but she quickly swallowed them, she couldn't. She had narrowly avoided the topic earlier, but referencing a film, quietly proud of herself for managing to do so, so calmly. She didn't want to bring it up again just yet.

Jane realised Maura had taken the words of her joke in a less funny way, judging by the strange look on the blondes face there was a pressing thought on her mind that had developed when she heard those words. Jane hadn't entirely been kidding either, obviously she didn't want Maura to be sick again but some parts of last night she had really enjoyed, she got to see a side of Maura that not many people ever had access to. She liked getting to take care of Maura, she liked being able to comfort her and draw circles on her back, hold her close and let her cry. Maura was a very reserved person, she liked to be left to just be when she was upset, hugs weren't really her thing, and they weren't really Jane's either, but last night she had enjoyed their contact, feeling Maura so close to her, it was nice. Really nice.

"Um, so I have an idea for this afternoon" Jane said breaking the silence she had created between them.

Maura lifted her eyebrows in curiosity.

"You do?" she asked still seeming confused.

"I do" Jane smiled and lead Maura into the kitchen where she had left the groceries.

"Firstly" she said turning around and facing the ME 'I want a gold star for my efforts at getting all your weird things, because I got all of them. Every. Single. Thing"

A smile broke out on Maura's face as she listened to Jane proudly boast her accomplishments just like a child.

"Congratulations" she said wondering if a kiss on the forehead instead of a gold star would be too much.

"And secondly, I rented this, in the hopes that you might want to watch it with me? Jane handed Maura a movie and when she looked down at it her breath suddenly caught in her chest. We Bought a Zoo.

"You said I should see it so…" Jane's voice trailed off as Maura stared with wide eyes at the dvd in her hands.

"O-okay" Maura answered looking up resisting the urge to wrap herself around Jane and kiss her. She knew Jane had a soft side, she had seen it first hand whenever TJ was around, but she had never seen Jane do cute things for someone like this before. _Don't read into it Maura_. She told herself sternly. She was just providing something for them to do this afternoon, something that didn't involve talking Maura breathed a small sigh of relief. She knew there was a tension between them, both of them were aware of what had happened last night and neither one of them knew how to bring it up, this was the perfect escape.

So Maura made tea, while Jane put away the groceries and then the two of them settled on opposite ends the couch with a blanket over both of their legs, and they watched the movie. Maura's concentration on the movie was poor, she was absent minded, continuously distracted by Jane's little laughs that escaped her lips throughout the film, she couldn't help but steal glances at the brunette every now and then. She was careful not to take up too much of the couch either, which was silly but the two had drawn an invisible line between them, making sure they stayed on their side of the couch, but it was broken when Maura's legs began to ache from being tucked underneath her for too long and she stretched them out accidentally brushing the side of Jane's leg before quickly retracting them. Jane turned to look at her, glancing at Maura's legs beneath the blanket like there was no blanket at all and then at Maura, before gesturing with two fingers for her to stretch them out. Maura didn't know why she was feeling so nervous, her and Jane often shared the couch whether it be to discuss their day at work, or to watch a movie or if they were just tired. Jane had pulled Maura's legs over her lap before and it hadn't been a big deal, them touching had never been a big deal. But now it was, and Maura didn't know what to do, so she stretched her legs out her feet ending up on Jane's lap and Jane patted them softly.

"Your head feeling any better?" she asked.

"The tension has eased, I'm a lot more hydrated so my vasopressin will be producing again" she said hoping Jane wouldn't notice her nervous science babble.

"Your who is doing what now?" Jane looked at her with a baffled and slightly grossed out look on her face, which she often displayed when one of Maura's 'sciencey words' sounded rather suggestive or disgusting.

"My antidiuretic hormone" Maura half smiled.

"Do I have one of them too?" Jane asked still looking uncertain.

"It's a eurohypophysial hormone Jane, found in most mammals" Maura laughed lightly at the detectives weary look.

"Great" Jane dragged out the word sarcastically "I love it when you refer to us as mammals"

Maura laughed and felt the tension between the two of them release it's tight hold for a few luxurious moments.

* * *

**Okay so apparently I'm really good at ignoring my uni work to keep writing this xP **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. What are your thoughts? Fears? Emotions?**

**I've started planning the rest of the fic, it might get a little weird in the next chapter but bare with :) In other news I just want to say sorry if Maura's medical terms etc aren't exactly accurate, I for one am not a know it all scientist and so my friend google is helping me dearly. **

**Thank you all for reading, much love xxxx**


	6. Chapter 6

"I bet you enjoy it without my mother here" Jane said sipping her beer, sitting at Maura's counter while she made them dinner. "_I want Italian" _Maura had stated several hours earlier, Jane had been just about to offer her services when Maura had cut her off _"but I have to make it" _and there was no messing around with the look on her face. _"I'm from an Italian-American background after all" _she had reminded Jane who had sat back willingly as she knew how amazing Maura's food was and she certainly didn't want to interrupt Chef Isles when she was on a mission to make the perfect pasta dish.

Maura was excited to be in the kitchen making dinner for the two of them, after bravely pushing the words out of her mouth asking Jane to stay she felt immediate relief when the detective had smiled wide and asked what they were having. Her hangover was almost entirely gone, with another good nights sleep she would be all set to go back to her normal routine. Although she was sad to admit she had enjoyed today immensely, aside from the horrible headaches she had felt more like a person then she had for a long time, simply getting to do normal things like go for a walk in the sunshine when she wanted to, watch a movie on the couch in the afternoon…it had been a nice break from her busy life. There was almost dread that filled her at the thought of having to go back to work tomorrow, she loved her job but this had been so nice she didn't want it to end. She was also scared that what happened between them would be brushed aside, forgotten and she would be forced to move on again after taking a leap, even if it was a drunk one, and risked exposing her true feelings to Jane, would that end up being for no reason? She hoped not.

"It certainly is quieter" Maura admitted glancing up at Jane with a cheeky smile. She could feel Jane's eyes on her as she moved around her kitchen, every step, every movement, Jane's eyes followed.

"I have to say I do miss her company in the mornings"

A frown creased Jane's forehead, she didn't understand how Maura had the tolerance to put up with her Ma 24/7. Her mother was a matriarch, and living in Maura's guest house, she didn't understand how Maura hadn't left her out on the street yet, as much as she loved her mother sometimes she was just too much.

"The only company I need in the morning is a hot cup of coffee" Jane stated and Maura laughed.

"That's true" she agreed.

"So what exactly are we having Miss _Italian-American _Chef" Jane smirked at Maura placing the beer bottle to her lips and taking a long sip.

"Ravioli" Maura replied her mouth tugging into a smile at Jane's smirk.

"Ravioli" Jane echoed looking at the food that was spread out across the counter.

"You know the earliest mention of ravioli was in the 14th century, Francesco di Marco wrote about it he recommends ravioli with green herbs blanched and minced, mixed with beaten egg, fresh cheese and simmered in broth"

Jane scrunched up her nose "And why are we going off a recipe from the 14th century?" she quipped.

"I'm not using his recipe Jane" she pulled a face at the brunette and continued finely chopping the herbs.

"Oh so that was just one a fun fact?" Jane poked and Maura looked up playfully narrowing her eyes at the detectives tone.

"Mm" Jane said when their eyes met "you must be feeling better, your spouting off your fun facts again"

Maura smiled slightly tearing her eyes away from Jane's and changing her concentration back to what she was doing.

"I'm glad it amuses you to make fun of me" she said.

"I'm not making fun of you Maur…" Jane tried to sound comforting but then started to laugh.

"I mean it's kinda cute, you know something about everything"

Maura looked up, putting down the knife and looked straight at Jane.

"I do not know something about everything" she said.

"You wanna bet?" Jane lifted an eyebrow.

Maura folded her arms. "Go on then"

Jane narrowed her eyes at Maura, trying to contain the smile on her face wishing Maura would stop being so damn cute.

"Okay, what's the capital of Angolia?"

"Luanda" Maura replied without even having to think, Jane quirked an eyebrow as if to prove a point and Maura immediately frowned realising Jane had been right.

"That was easy" she argued "Ask me something harder"

"Am I allowed to use google?" Jane asked and Maura rolled her eyes.

"If you must" Jane took another sip from her beer thoughtfully wondering if Maura really did know everything.

"You know if you asked me about baseball I probably wouldn't know" Maura put in and Jane laughed.

"Maura you've played baseball with me before, you do know enough about it"

Maura huffed and picked up the knife again.

"You know" she said after several seconds of the sound of the knife hitting the chopping board had filled the room.

"Ravioli sounds quite like Rizzoli"

A stifled laugh escaped Jane's lips as she looked at Maura with her eyebrows raised in curiosity where that bad joke had come from.

"Are you making fun of me because I made fun of you Doctor Isles?" she asked and Maura looked up at her giving a dismissive shrug.

"Ravioli" Jane said with a sarcastic disapproving tone, setting her beer down on a coaster and getting up from her seat.

"I'm going to go and shower before you offend me anymore" Jane tossed her hair over her shoulder as she stalked out the door still pretending to be upset about Maura's comment, but Maura's laugh just followed her out of the room.

"I'll call you when dinners ready" she said and Jane waved a hand disdainfully.

She went into Maura's guest bathroom and turned the shower on, catching sight of herself in the mirror and staring at the goofy smile she still had attached to her face.

"Get a grip Jane" she told herself quietly, _you're meant to be getting engaged remember? _She reminded herself glancing down at her empty finger where her engagement ring from Casey had resided briefly before she had taken it off last night. _You took your ring off for Maura…_ the thought struck her forcefully and her smile was immediately replaced with a furrowed brow. What was she doing, she couldn't keep playing around like this someone was going to get hurt and like hell she would let it be Maura. Frustratedly yanking off her clothes she stepped into the shower and let the hot water run over her body, washing off her anger and frustration and soothing her tense muscles. She leaned her arms against the wall of the shower letting the hot water run over her back, she went over the afternoon she had spent with Maura carefully in her mind, retracing every glance they had stolen of each other during the film, every awkward touch and shy eye contact. Maura had seemed tense earlier, hesitant almost to be too close to Jane, but she had seemed more relaxed after she had asked Jane to stay for dinner. In fact it had been so normal with the two of them in the kitchen Jane could have easily forgotten that anything happened, but of course she wouldn't. Washing herself quickly with Maura's lemongrass soap she ran her soapy hands through her hair and exhaled deeply before gathering herself and stepping out of the shower, she could have stayed in there for hours but something made her get out. A Maura something. She wrapped a towel around herself and leaned back against the shower door shutting her eyes for the briefest moment.

"Jane?" Maura's voice cut through the silence followed by the sound of the door opening.

"Oh" Maura said stopping immediately when she saw Jane standing fresh out of the shower with one of her white fluffy towels around her.

"Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy the fact these doors don't lock?" Jane joked and Maura bit her lip softly.

"I'm sorry" she started "I just, I called out and you didn't answer…I was just checking everything was…" Jane watched as Maura's eyes caught sight of her slipping towel and distracted her immediately.

"…checking everything was okay" The doctors voice was soft and almost breathless as if she was holding something back.

"I'm fine" Jane smiled trying to sound convincing, but she wasn't even sure Maura heard her. The honey blondes hazel eyes were running over Jane's body slowly and unsubtly, she leaned on the door as if it were the only thing that were keeping her upright.

"Maur" Jane said snapping Maura out of her focused gaze, she quickly stood up off the door and cleared her throat.

"Yes, you're…you're fine, that's good" she said tugging on the edge of her top unnecessarily.

"Dinner's ready, when you're…" Jane's eyes chased Maura's around until they met and Maura's words got lost in her mouth.

"finished" she said and swallowed hard wishing Jane's presence wouldn't making her so giddy. Maura tried to get herself to turn and leave but her feet seemed firmly cemented to the tiled floor and she couldn't remember how to convince herself to move. Jane's dark eyes bore deeply into hers and she felt strangely exposed, as if Jane were looking directly into her soul, seeing every emotion and feeling and thought she was having. She couldn't look away either, because behind Jane's beautiful dark eyes she was battling her own feelings, Maura seemed to recognise a familiar frustration that was buried behind them. When Jane finally broke their gaze Maura felt as though her feet had just been freed and she suddenly spun around and left the room without further word. Racing back down the stairs she stopped at the bottom to catch her lost breath, placing a hand over her heart she let out a pained sigh. How long was this going to go on? The tension between them had returned and settled. It wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, until one of them bought up what needed to be said.

* * *

It was 11pm when Jane got up to go home, she hadn't been home since she had arrived at Maura's in the middle of the night and she had to get Frankie to let Jo Friday out for a quick walk after he'd finished work. She needed her bed yet she dreaded the silence she would be submerged in until the trill sound of her alarm at 7am. As she rose from the couch she glanced at Maura who was studiously scrolling through shoes on her iPad, the two of them had nestled themselves comfortably on the couch, Jane had been watching ESPN and Maura had started her crazed online shopping binge. The detective knew that when Maura started buying things frivolously online that something was wrong, but she chose not to bring it up until there were piles of delivery boxes scattering the doctors kitchen.

"I should get going" Jane announced softly and Maura immediately looked up, before glancing at her watch.

"Gosh I didn't even realise the time" she said putting her iPad aside and getting up. The tension between the two of them was still there, but they were close enough with each other to pretend it wasn't. Maura walked Jane to the door wishing she didn't have to be alone tonight, she knew she had no place to ask the detective to stay another night, but something was tugging at her heart begging her to ask even though it was set in her head that she would have to let Jane go as much as she didn't want to.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow at work" Jane said turning to Maura once they reached the front door.

Maura nodded not trusting herself to open her mouth as the wrong words might slip out, a problem that she had never had before.

"Okay" Jane said, her voice was thick and huskier than usual from the silence the two of them had been sharing.

"Well I'm glad you're feeling better" she turned towards the door and as she reached for the door handle Maura's arm shot out grabbing Jane's elbow.

"Jane wait" The startled detective turned around and Maura quickly let go, instantly releasing what she had just done.

Jane looked at her expectantly.

"I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to stay here again" the words tumbled from her lips.

"You want me to stay?" Jane asked and Maura couldn't help notice the detective seemed somewhat relieved?

"Well you don't have to, it's just I've had such a lovely day I'm not sure I'm ready for it to finish just yet" Maura said, and it was true, the only part she didn't mention was how much she dreaded going to bed in an empty house, alone with her thoughts once again.

It felt like forever and a day before Jane finally replied.

"Yeah alright" the brunette said and Maura's mouth almost dropped open in shock.

"You'll stay?" she asked.

"I'll stay" Jane confirmed.

"On one condition" she added "I get to sleep in your bed again"

As the words left Jane's mouth they almost knocked Maura off her feet. She knew Jane didn't mean that in a romantic way, but it was still shocking that after the rigid moments during the afternoon and the silence they had sunk into after dinner she was surprised Jane had asked such a thing. Maybe Jane just got it? Maybe she just understood. She was good at that, understanding. Or maybe, maybe Maura was lucky enough that Jane felt the same way as her.

"Of course" Maura said with a magnificent smile spreading across her face.

* * *

**hey guys I just wanted to say thank you again for reading, i appreciate all your support.**

**yes this chapter was a little slow, but these things don't happen straight away. bare with me through the next chapter as well, good things take time...there will be plenty of drama and juicy moments coming up soon!**

**also please keep the reviews coming! i love to hear your thoughts and feedback :) love xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

Maura stood in her kitchen the next morning waiting in silence for the toast to pop. It was 7.24am and she was perfectly on time, everything was going back to normal today, she was going to work, Angela would be back in her guest house this afternoon and once again she would push aside any troublesome feelings. The only uncertainty she had was Jane, she had no idea what was going to happen at work between the two of them. She prayed that the tension between them would slide away once they were both buried in their elements, but she couldn't be sure and she hated to guess. Inhaling the smell of the toast she thought about how much Jane loved that smell in the early morning, personally she didn't understand what was so appealing about the smell of burning bread but she appreciated Jane's little quirks all the same. But as soon as her mind crossed to Jane she became unsettled, agonising of what possibly happened to Jane last night that had caused her to leave. Maura had thought everything had been going just fine, the two of them ended up watching a documentary on sea turtle migration before retiring to bed both exhausted from the heavy run of emotions the day had entailed and fallen asleep within minutes. Yet when Maura had woken up the next morning she found the other side of the bed cold and empty, no one had been lying there for several hours. Maura had wandered around the house, wondering if perhaps Jane had gone out for a run or was in the kitchen like she had found her the previous morning, but when she discovered her house was completely empty a dejected feeling had filled her heart.

The sound of the toast popping broke the walls of silence that had built around Maura as she had become lost in thought, she quickly spread Angela's homemade fig and apricot jam over it, eating it quickly then dropping several of Bass's favourite leafy greens in front of him before slipping out the front door and going to work. She was thrilled to be getting back to the morgue, all she wanted was to submerge herself in work and ignore everything else that was happening in her life.

* * *

Jane wasn't having a good morning. She felt terrible to say the least. She had been woken in the early hours of the morning by a phone call. It had been Casey, he had been called back to Afghanistan and he had to leave immediately. A dismal feeling had swum around in her stomach as she realised she had no idea when she was going to see him again, or _if _she was ever going to see him again. It was only then she suddenly remembered she didn't have her ring on, it was still sitting on the sink of Maura's guest bathroom. She wasn't wearing her ring and she hadn't even given Casey an answer yet.

"What are we gonna do?" She asked him and he hadn't responded. He didn't know either. He hadn't asked her where she had been the past few nights, he didn't ask her for an answer, all he said was _"I'm so sorry Jane, I've got to go"._ And she understood that, his work needed him, she would do the same, but all the uncertainty was doing her head in. She didn't want to live like this, she felt restricted and caught in a web she couldn't get out of. She had crawled out of Maura's bed and gotten into her car, then driven around until the sun had started coming up before she found herself parked outside her house. She hated herself for leaving Maura to wake up alone, but she needed to be by herself, she needed to watch the sunrise all the pinks and golds starting to fade into soft blues of the long day to come. She needed space. She wanted nothing more than to return to Maura's and be there when the doctor woke up but she couldn't, she knew she needed to be by herself and process. But god she missed Maura's face already. She could look at the Maura's face forever; her gorgeous honey blonde waves, those beautiful wide hazel eyes, the perfect point of her nose and her pink lips. _Oh those lips _Jane thought, the memory of there tender touch still hadn't faded.

She couldn't believe she was thinking about Maura when Casey had just told her he was leaving indefinitely. She ran a hand through her messy brown curls and sighed loudly before she got of her car and walked across the car park of the BPD, she was only ten minutes late which seemed somewhat a miracle.

It wasn't a busy day at work, Frost, Korsak and Frankie were all knee deep in solving a stabbing of a musician in a bar, Jane couldn't help but feel the slightest bit redundant as they all rushed around not needing her help. So she had decided to catch up on the piles of paperwork that she had been successfully putting off for several weeks now, but by 11.30 she was bored to death. Getting up from her chair and stretching her back she decided it was time for a trip down to the morgue as she hadn't seen Maura all day, and plus her paperwork could wait a little longer.

Maura was sitting in her office going over the autopsy report from the musician who had been stabbed to death, Dr Pike as usual had written a very efficient and very long report in which Maura had to take several breaks before continuing on. She was struggling to pass the time when she heard familiar sounding footsteps coming down the hallway, and sure enough within several seconds Jane meandered through her doors and smiled at the doctor.

"Hey" Jane said and collapsed into one of Maura's favourite art deco chairs that she had decorated her office with.

"Hi" Maura said slightly shocked by Jane's calmness.

"You wanna grab lunch?" Jane asked leaning forward in the chair discovering how uncomfortable it was.

"Lunch?" Maura repeated.

"Yeah you know, food"

"Um, yes okay" Maura agreed "it's a bit slow today"

"Tell me about it" Jane said rising to her feet and letting out a bored sigh. Maura quickly stacked her paperwork away in her desk tray, not wanting to keep Jane waiting.

"You look nice" Jane said speaking softly, as Maura stood up and straightened her dress, she blushed and looked down at her black leather jacket and the bold red, white and black squares of her dress that were standing out from under her jacket.

"Thank you" she smiled at the detective's comment, Jane didn't usually notice her outfits unless she was wearing 'inappropriately high' heels. Maura wasn't quite sure why Jane was being so calm and sweet either, could it have been because she felt bad for leaving Maura in the middle of the night with no explanation?

"Shall we go?" Maura asked and Jane nodded leading the way out. The two of them made their way to The Dirty Robber without too many awkward silences, Maura decided it was best to busy their minds by talking about the case, something which Jane was silently grateful for.

They finally fell into their usual booth, Maura ordered a salad and Jane got a burger with a side of fries. Just as they always did.

"I feel as though I owe you an explanation for this morning" Jane said once the waitress had gone and this made Maura automatically look up.

"I'm so sorry Maur" she said and Maura knew that she meant it, Jane had that look in her wide chocolate brown eyes a look that Maura had grown accustomed to recognising when Jane was feeling terrible for something that had happened, it was like they exerted sadness and pain.

"It's okay" Maura said quietly looking back down at the table unsure of what else to say.

"No it's not" Jane said "I just…it's just…"

"You don't have to tell me Jane, if you don't want to" Maura said and looked back up meeting the detectives eyes as she struggled for words.

"Casey went back to Afghanistan" Jane blurted suddenly and Maura's eyes widened.

"What?"

"He called this morning to tell me, he had to leave immediately and I just needed some space, I'm sorry" Jane explained ruefully.

"Oh, Jane" Maura said reaching out sympathetically and placing her hand over Jane's.

"I'm sorry" she said realising that her thoughts earlier had been incredibly selfish as she hadn't truly known why Jane had left.

"No, I-I should have just stayed" Jane's brow furrowed in frustration with herself.

"Jane" Maura said making sure the detective really heard her "I understand why you left don't be sorry, we all need space sometimes"

Jane looked at Maura gratefully, sometimes she couldn't believe how lucky she was to have Maura in her life, she was always so understanding and compassionate.

"I just can't believe how sudden this was" Jane said shaking her head in disbelief. Maura pulled her hand away from Jane's, glancing at the detectives slim fingers and immediately noticing the absence of her engagement ring, her heart swelling instantaneously.

"Y-you took your ring off?" Maura said and cleared her throat, trying to compose herself.

"Yeah well, I never said yes and know we don't know so…"

Maura nodded.

"It's tucked away for now in the safety deposit box at home"

"Maybe" Maura said knowing her next words may be vexed "It just wasn't meant to be"

As soon as those words left her mouth Jane looked up at her her brown eyes full of hard worn emotion.

"Maybe" Jane mumbled as the waitress approached them with their food.

"But we're all good, right?" Jane asked as soon as they were alone again.

"Yeah" Maura said unsure of how else to respond "Every things just…normal" the word felt like vomit in Maura's mouth, it immediately made her feel itchy telling such a blatant lie, but she wanted to tell Jane what she wanted to hear, it's what she needed to hear right now whether Maura liked it or not everything had to be okay and …_normal._

* * *

The rest of the day went painfully slow, after lunch the two of them returned to their places behind their desks and continued with the what seemed like endless streams of paperwork. When 5 o'clock hit and neither of them were needed anymore they both went home. To their separate homes. Jane had dinner, took a long shower and then settled on the couch to watch some sport and distract herself from the hellish day she had just been through. But when she could no longer deal with herself anymore she picked up her phone and called Maura.

"Jane?" Maura sounded worried "What is it?"

"Nothing" Jane said "I just, I need a distraction"

Maura knew there were several things she could say but she quickly picked the most appropriate.

"Does this mean you finally want to hear about how ketchup was sold as medicine in the 1830's?"

Jane smiled down the phone "Yes Maura, that's exactly what it means"

And so they talked, like they always did at night, Jane half focused on the TV and half listening to Maura telling her strange facts that she never really needed to know. It was just like it was before, normal. But not even the TV or Maura's continuous rambling was shutting off her thoughts, maybe she didn't want normal anymore, not that anything was entirely normal now anyway. She hadn't forgotten what had happened. She never would. But she couldn't bring herself to think about that now, as much as she wanted to with everything that had just happened so suddenly with Casey she was having trouble processing even just one thing at a time. Right now she needed Maura as her best friend more than anything else.

So then the day that followed and the day after that were as 'normal' as any other, the two women worked in perfect harmony with each other, it was incredibly slow on the homicide front so Jane had spent the rest of the week at her desk finishing up all her paperwork, which by Friday afternoon was finally done and she felt a huge wash of relief flood over her. And then it was the weekend, and Jane went over to Maura's on Saturday morning, dragging the tousled haired blonde out of bed to go for a run which of course she hadn't said no to. She couldn't help but notice Maura was acting a little off, she wondered what was bothering the doctor and whether or not asking would be a dangerous idea. She noticed that when she bought up Casey Maura would look off in the other direction seemingly appearing disinterested or trying to hide frustration with the topic, so eventually she dropped it. So instead she asked Maura if she thought it was a little weird her boss was sleeping with her mother.

"No of course _I _don't" Maura had said "but _you,_ you'll never be old enough to hear about your mother's sex life"

At those words Jane had pulled a disgusted face and Maura had let out a small laugh. It was obvious the doctor was trying hard to conceal whatever it was that was pressing on her mind so Jane decided to leave it alone.

* * *

**So firstly I would just like to relay my excitement onto whoever may be reading this...yesterday afternoon I successfully planned the next 11+ chapters and that's not even going to be all of them. Yes. That's right. Eleven chapters. So get excited. **

**In other news...how did you enjoy this chapter? tell me your thoughts and emotionssss!**

**The pace is definitely going to pick up a little in the next chapter, which if you're lucky might be up a bit later ;)**

**Thank you all for reading. And welcome aboard to those who just started, please stick with me on this Rizzles adventure! Much love xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay so I've decided to split this chapter in two, and this half was ready to go so I thought why not post it now (you guys are awesome and I like to spoil you)...I'm so excited for you guys to read this chapter, I really enjoyed writing it. **

**Let me know what you think! **

* * *

It was Monday morning. Jane had just got her coffee and was heading across the car park when her phone buzzed in her pocket right before entered the building.

"Korsak I'm outside give me like two seconds" she said when she saw his number appear on the screen.

"Don't come up Jane" he said "We've got a body"

Spinning on her heel straight away Jane made her way back to her car.

"Where?" she asked.

When she arrived at the crime scene, she ducked under the yellow tape and her eyes immediately searched for Maura, but the doctor wasn't in sight. Walking over to the body Jane tugged on her latex gloves. It was in the middle of the quad where all the food trucks parked, _how very public_ she thought, _must have wanted it to look like an accident, with lots of witnesses_ she noted and looked down at the body in front of her. Korsak and Frost joined her seconds later and they greeted each other with a slight nod of the head.

"Have you seen Maura?" she couldn't help but ask, but Frost was distracted is eyes wide with horror as he looked closer at the body.

"That's Chef Holden" he frowned and Jane lifted an eyebrow.

"Who?"

"He won America's Best Chef last year" Frost explained and Jane frowned before looking over her shoulder in search of Maura again. She hadn't seen the medical examiner since their run on Saturday, nor had she heard from her. It was strange, maybe it was Maura's turn to need space but from what Jane wasn't sure. But suddenly she spotted a blonde ducking under the yellow crime scene tape in a pair of heels, a black pencil skirt and perfectly tucked in blue blouse. It could only be one person. Jane felt a rush of warmth as the medical examiner walked over to her, but as soon as she saw the body Jane's hello was bypassed and her eyes widened the same way that Frost's just had.

"Oh no" she said "Is that Chef Holden?"

"Okay" Jane said holding up both her hands "How does everyone know who this guy is except me"

"And me" Korsak said and the two of them exchanged a grin.

"Because you chose pizza and beer over an organic diet" Maura said to neither of them in particular, but Jane knew it was directed at her. Had Maura just had a go at her? Jane shrugged it off, there was a body on the ground that was her main priority at the moment.

"What a shame" Maura continued "You know his name Holden actually means kind, he donated to every food activist group, put his money where his palette was… he only served organic food" she explained as she put on her gloves and crouched down beside the body.

"Hm sounds like your type of guy then" Jane smirked and Maura glanced up at her with a humoured smile.

"He was perspiring heavily" she said returning to her observation, placing a hand on his chest she leaned over him.

"Posterior nosebleed…" she suddenly picked up his hand and investigated his fingers a panicked look crossing her face as she leaned down to his bare chest and inhaled.

She already knew Jane would be rolling her eyes, but this had suddenly gotten serious.

"Maura are you smelling him?" Jane hissed.

"Get everyone back" Maura immediately yelled sitting up in a state of alarm.

"Maura" Jane said leaning in her face stricken with concern "your nose is bleeding"

Maura felt the warm substance begin to trickle from her nose and she quickly clamped the back of her gloved hand over it.

"Jane get back" she instructed firmly holding her arm out to keep the detective away.

"Call the hazmat team now"

Jane began to back away slowly, unable to take her eyes off of Maura. They both looked at each other as people swarmed around the yellow tape yelling, Maura had never seen Jane looked so worried and scared then she did at that moment, she almost looked at Jane apologetically as she could see how terrified the brunette had suddenly grown and it pained her because she never wanted Jane to feel like that ever, she cared about Jane so much and she felt as though this sudden outburst was hurting her. She finally managed to avert her eyes away from Jane, unable to face how Jane was looking at her, she needed to make sure that everyone else was safe, no one else would be getting hurt, not on her watch. Jane's heart was hammering in her chest as she watched the trickle of blood from Maura's nose reach her lip, nothing about the way the M.E was looking at the detective was comforting in the slightest. By the look on Maura's face Jane knew Maura was well aware of exactly what was happening, and it wasn't good. Jane knew Maura was a strong person, incredibly strong, but the doctor had suddenly been caught in this moment of uncertainty and weakness, Jane was frightened, she didn't know what to do, or if she could even do anything. Her head was racing with thoughts about what might happen to Maura, she suddenly filled with fear for her best friends life as she glanced at the body underneath the ME's hand. _Please don't die, please god don't let anything happen to her, what would I do if something happened to her? _Jane suddenly realised that she was caught in a moment of weakness too, usually she could fix things, she could find the person who did this and lock them away, but that didn't work right now, she couldn't fix Maura right now. She had no idea what to do and she was not used to having this weakness thrown upon her.

"Maura i really think you should go to the hospital" Jane almost begged. It had seemed like a painfully long wait for the ambulance, but as soon as it arrived Jane felt as though a giant weight had been lifted from her chest and she could breathe again. Maura sat on the stretcher as the medic finished up with her tests.

She sighed impatiently at Jane's comment.

"It's not necessary" she said rolling down the sleeves of her blue shirt. "Really, everybody who ate at the food truck didn't get sick even the paramedics that were treating him are fine" she gestured behind her trying to reassure the detective who still had a somewhat panicked look on her face.

"You touched him with gloves why did your nose bleed" Jane asked her brow furrowing.

"You know, I likely became symptomatic because I inhaled the toxin that was on his skin" Maura said knowing Jane was still trying to think of reasons to get her to go to hospital, when there was clearly no need.

Jane sighed in defeat as Maura shot back answers to her questions, she knew she wasn't going to get Maura to the hospital unless she knocked the doctor out and took her their without her knowledge.

"Okay" Jane said giving up "Fine, if you say so"

"I say so" Maura said getting up off the stretcher and touching Jane's arm in reassurance. _It's okay Jane, _Maura thought _I'm okay…see I'm right here? Please stop looking so worried, I wouldn't leave you like this._

Jane didn't get a chance to check on Maura for the rest of the day, the autopsy had to be done in a restricted environment with everyone in the room wearing full hazmat suits. Jane of course was on the other side of the glass, but there were several others there too so talking to Maura about personal things like they usually did over autopsy's didn't really have the chance to happen. She spent the rest of the day upstairs with Korsak and Frost trying to figure out why anyone would want to kill the chef. They had began to form their list of possible suspects and had also begun tracing his phone and credit card records, but so far they didn't have much, they had re-watched the finale of America's Best Chef to see if there was any tension between the three remaining contestants, but nothing seemed strange about it. So when Dahlia and Reed came in for their interviews Korsak and Frost said they'd take them, that it was time for Jane to have a break. Jane sat back in her chair and shut her eyes momentarily, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about Maura all day the sudden fear that struck her when she imagined losing the blonde had been a feeling she never hoped would ever have to be repeated. She hadn't wanted to let Maura out of her sight when they got back to Brick but she knew she would have to, they both had jobs to do. But that didn't stop Jane from wanting to swaddle the medical examiner, take her home and hold her close so nothing bad would ever happen to her again.

Realising she had a free moment to go down to the morgue she leapt from her seat and bounded into the elevator. Maura was in her office when Jane got downstairs, frowning at her laptop screen in great contemplation.

"How are you feeling?" Jane asked as soon as she got into the door, needing immediate confirmation the doctor was fine.

Maura looked up from her screen, the deep lines that had been imbedded on her face disappearing with the disruption of her thoughts.

"I'm fine" she couldn't help but smile at how protective Jane was suddenly being "My EKG is normal, you really didn't need to come and check on me"

"I wanted to, Maura" Jane said and Maura couldn't argue. Before this had all happened Maura had been angry with Jane, angry and frustrated with the past few days since _it _happened. Jane had completely ignored it, just as Maura had feared she would, all of her courage gone to waste. Jane had continued on like everything was normal, calling her after work to get a distraction from her boy problems, pulling her out of bed on Saturday for their morning run. Nothing had been mentioned, nothing had changed. That was until Maura's nose had started bleeding and suddenly she saw Jane react in a way she never thought her best friend would, she knew Jane to be strong and fierce but the woman who had stood in front of her in amongst all the chaos looked terrified and pained, as if she couldn't bare to see Maura in such a state. It was the look in Jane's eyes that had sparked the idea in Maura that perhaps Jane was just as afraid as she was to bring up what had happened last Wednesday night. It was hard to continue being upset with the detective after this morning, as much as she wanted to show Jane that what ignoring what happened between them was hurting her, she didn't want to upset Jane by acting standoffish and cold. She shuffled the papers on her desk and avoided meeting Jane's eye, unsure of how she even _wanted_ to act she figured it was best to just keep this encounter short and uncomplicated. She got up with a pile of paper she needed to file and walked across the room to her filing cabinet, still avoiding the detectives burning gaze.

"Maura" Jane said, her voice was close behind the blonde.

"You're not fine" Jane said, she knew for a fact Maura wasn't okay, not because of what had happened earlier, yes that had shaken both of them up but before then, and before the weekend even Maura was not okay.

"Fine is an adverb it means pleasing or very well…so you're very well?" Jane wondered if repeating the doctors exact words from when she had sprained her ankle was a bad idea, but she couldn't help it. She liked to prove to the doctor that she did listen. Sometimes.

Maura turned around hearing the words she had once said to the detective being repeated to her, a small gasp escaping her lips as she realised how close the Jane was to her. There was only several centimetres between them. Being unable to avoid Jane's dark concerned eyes any longer she looked up and straight away found herself melting in the soft brown eyes that stared back at her. She felt her breath quicken as she realised she couldn't just step around Jane, she was cornered. Shutting her eyes she took several deep slow breaths.

"I cant handle this anymore" she said when she reopened her eyes.

"Okay" Jane said, but before Maura could question her answer Jane's lips were attached to hers. The familiar sweet taste of her lips sent tingles down Maura's spine as Jane pushed her back against the cabinet and kissed her hard. She snaked her arms around the brunettes tiny waist feeling the warmth of Jane's stomach against her own and suppressed a moan that was forming in her mouth. It was an exhilarating kiss, setting everything inside Maura on fire. Jane felt just as alive, the taste of Maura's lips against her own and the fragrant smell of her skin, she felt lost. Lost in some kind of paradise, as Maura's tongue made it's way into Jane's mouth the detective pressed her even harder into the cabinet. There was a passion in their kiss that Jane had never felt before with anyone else, it was amazing and terrifying at the same time. Suddenly she felt Maura's hands run up her chest and press on her shoulders gently pushing her back.

"Stop" Maura mumbled unconvincingly and Jane pulled away briefly feeling her heart beating hard in her chest before leaning in and placing another kiss lightly on the doctors soft lips. She was addictive. So addictive.

"We're at work" Maura looked around nervously and Jane just smiled, filling Maura's stomach with butterflies.

"No one's down here Maur" Jane reminded her and Maura bit her bottom lip already craving the brunettes lips to be back on hers.

"I know" she replied, placing her hand in the middle of Jane's chest and looking at it in a slight daze.

"Hey" Jane said softly tucking a strand of Maura's honey blonde hair behind her ear.

"Look at me" she said gently putting a finger under Maura's chin and lifting her head up. "I want to see your eyes"

Maura's cheeks flushed pink and she met Jane's eyes briefly before shyly looking away, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Eye contact was so intimate, Maura felt silly, like a school girl with a crush.

But this was entirely different. This was Jane. She stepped forward closing the gap that had reformed between them and placed a lingering kiss on Jane's lips. _I love you_ she thought then quickly stepped back and around Jane, walking back to her desk feeling lightheaded and giddy.

* * *

**Note: Yes I took the exact script from the episode Food For Thought for the crime scene. It's not mine.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey beautiful people, I hope you're all good :) Here's a nice big update for you. This chapter didn't go the way I had originally planned but sometimes the characters end up taking the story where they want it to go...**

**I hope you enjoy it :) more coming tomorrow...if i survive my 14 hour day. Much love xxx**

* * *

As Jane got out of the elevator back upstairs in Homicide she couldn't help but notice the sudden energy she had, and she couldn't stop smiling. She hadn't kissed Maura intentionally, although she couldn't admit it was unintentional either. She had watched the medical examiner shut her eyes and do her weird breathing that she only did when she was trying to calm down, then whisper softly that she couldn't do this anymore. Jane didn't know exactly was 'this' was, but she had a fairly good idea, and the only thing that seemed right at that moment was to kiss her. Kiss her so hard and passionately she forgot all her troubles and relaxed into Jane's arms. Which was exactly what had happened.

She fell back into her chair at her desk and tried to bite back her smile, working surrounded by men with a cheesy smile displayed on her face was not something that was going to go down well. Trying to refocus herself on the case Jane couldn't stop her mind wandering back to what had just happened in the morgue every few seconds. She was still very much confused as to where all these feelings towards Maura had suddenly come from and she knew it was an inconvenient time for them to be starting, right as potential fiancé had just been shipped back to war. Jane knew moving on was not an option on her plate right now, but she couldn't help herself from wondering if Maura had been right when she had said maybe it wasn't meant to be.

The afternoon sped by for Maura, she spent the remaining hours she had with Susie in the crime lab working on the substances they had found at the scene earlier today, it was a nice distraction for the doctor being able to focus solely on her work, not being distracted by wandering thoughts every few minutes. But as soon as she walked out the door and got into her blue Toyota her found herself submerged in silence, and she knew it wouldn't be long until she was desperately trying to find that silence again after her thousands of thoughts started clouding her head. She drove home stopping briefly to get some takeout, not having the energy or will to do any cooking tonight then carried on home, however when she went to pull into her driveway another car was already in residence there. She pulled up on the side of the road, not enjoying the idea of leaving her car so out in the open but she had no other choice. Lifting her dinner and her purse from the passenger seat she quickly got out of the car and made her way to the door.

"Angela?" Maura called out as soon as she was in the front door, the lights to her house were on which usually meant Angela was inside.

"Who's car is th…" Maura's voice trailed off as she walked into the kitchen and saw her biological mother sitting at her kitchen counter with Angela and a glass of wine.

"Hope" Maura said slowing putting her things down on the dining table, looking at her mother curiously.

"Maura" Hope said getting up immediately "I hope I'm not intruding Angela let me in, she called me earlier said you'd been a bit shaken up today?"

"Y-you're in my parking spot" was the only thing Maura could think of saying, she hadn't entirely forgiven Hope yet and so she still felt a slight tenseness between them.

"Oh" Hope said frowning "I'm so sorry"

"Maura…" Angela's voiced broke into the conversation her tone was warning the blonde not to be too hard on Hope.

"I um…thank you for stopping by" Maura said finally "But it was unnecessary, I'm completely fine I simply had a reaction to a toxin that was on the body and it caused a small nose bleed, no harm done"

Hope frowned "Did you identify the toxin?"

"It's a chemical" Maura said with a impatient sigh "Used in most cleaning products, now if you don't mind I would really like to have my dinner"

It was a large hint at Hope that Maura wanted her to leave but Angela wasn't having any of it.

"Maura c'mon" she said staring at Maura silently begging her to cut her biological mother some slack.

"No, no it's okay" Hope said trying not to look disappointed "I understand, you've had a long day"

Maura nodded.

"I'll go" she said slowly turning to collect her things as if part of her was hoping Maura would suddenly let her stay, seeing the small woman looking so hurt Maura couldn't help but feel a twang of pain herself. She had wanted to move on so badly, she had even pretended for a while that she was over it, but Jane had reminded her she wasn't that she only ever spoke to Hope when Hope called her, and she talked to her like she talked to the neighbour who watered her roses. As much as she wanted to forgive Hope after everything she had done to her, all the pain she had caused she just couldn't forgive and forget all of that hurt so easily, what kind of person does that? And what kind of person would that make her? Maura didn't like to be trampled. _"Does it bum you out?"_ Jane had asked her, but Maura had bit her tongue _"yes"_ she had replied. _"No one's gonna judge you if you want to start over with your _mother_ Maura"_. Jane's words had comforted her, it was amazing to Maura how sometimes Jane knew exactly what Maura was thinking and other times she had no idea. But she still couldn't forgive Hope, not just yet, she couldn't just forget the fact that woman had told her she wasn't her daughter then accused her of scamming, you couldn't just let something like that go so easily, but eventually she would have to.

"Hope…" Maura ran her fingers over her forehead, exhausted from thinking.

"You can stay if you want, finish your wine"

Relief and happiness flooded Hope's face and she smiled lovingly at Maura who merely tugged up one corner of her mouth in an exhausted attempt of smiling.

"Are you sure?" she asked already putting her things back down. Maura replied silently giving a defeated shrug of her shoulders, before dragging her dinner over to the counter and sitting down, two seats away from Hope. She caught Angela smiling proudly at her and she resisted the urge to pull a face the way Jane would, after her mother had pushed her into doing the 'right thing'.

Hope stayed for little over an hour, and the three of them talked, and drunk wine although Maura barely made it through one glass still feeling iffy from her drunken display the previous week. Hope and Maura talked like two strangers would in line at a checkout, it was vague small talk and Maura wanted nothing more than to be alone, even if she had to suffer through the constant muddle of thoughts in her head. She just wanted to wallow, she was unsure why she was feeling so glum Jane had kissed her. She had kissed Jane. They had shared a beautiful moment together, but something was bothering her, something seemed off, she quickly shook if off reminding herself not to think negative thoughts because her head would create something that didn't exist, she probably just felt strange because her biological mother was sitting in the same room as her.

And on that note Hope rose from her seat as if she had heard Maura's thoughts and took them as a cue.

"I should get going" she said placing a hand on Maura's shoulder carefully.

"I'll walk you to the door" Angela volunteered seeing Maura still slumped over the counter.

"I'm really happy you let me stay, Maura" Hope said and Maura gave a small smile.

"Me too" she said softly, and she meant it. Hope was a fascinating woman and Maura wanted to know her so badly, but only time would heal the wounds Hope had opened and all Maura could do was hope that one day everything would be okay between them.

Once Hope had gone Maura said goodnight to Angela then went upstairs and changed into her silk pyjamas, then went into the bathroom to complete her usually nightly routine. The sudden tranquility of her house was somewhat peaceful to Maura's ears, she quietly pondered the encounter she had just had with her mother, she hadn't realised at the time but Hope had been genuinely concerned about Maura's wellbeing if she had come all the way over to her house to make sure she was okay. It was a sweet thing to do, it was a motherly thing to do. Maura sighed walking into her bedroom and standing in front of her bed looking at it, she didn't want to get in, and she didn't want to go to sleep. What she wanted was to see Jane and tell her about what had just happened, she wanted to hear the brunettes husky and comforting voice assure her that it was okay to be feeling how she was towards her mother, and it would still be okay to forgive her. She glanced at her phone that sat on her nightstand wondering if she should call Jane, it was nearly midnight and Maura knew Jane would most likely still be awake. But Maura didn't take a step towards getting her phone, she stood grounded in spot every muscle in her body frozen as an idea crossed her mind.

"Don't, Maura" she told herself but that wasn't enough. She grabbed her coat and slipped it on over her pyjamas then dashed quietly down the stairs, sweeping her keys off the table and soundlessly exited her house.

* * *

Persistent banging woke Jane from her nap, as she jolted upright on her bed she found herself fully clothed and all the lights still on. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock realising that she must have dozed off when she had gotten home. 12.04am. Who was possibly trying to break down her door at this time she wondered dragging herself out of her room and across her apartment, unlocking the door and pulling it open ready to growl at whoever had disturbed her. But when she saw the medical examiner standing there with a coat hiding her pyjamas she immediately took a step back to let the woman in.

"Everything okay?" she asked as Maura came in flustered and began taking off her coat.

"Hope was at my house when I got home" Maura said fidgeting nervously with her fingers. Jane lifted an eyebrow and went into the kitchen filling Maura a glass of water and handing it to her, then gesturing at the couch for them to go and sit. It was routine, it was what always happened if Maura showed up in the middle of the night, or if Jane showed up at Maura's. Despite anything else that was going on with them they would always open their doors for each other when they needed each other.

They sat down on the couch and Maura took a sip of the water, Jane was still in her work clothes although they looked decidedly crinkled and her curls were messy, she figured Jane must have fallen asleep.

"So?" Jane asked leaning an arm on the back of the couch so she was facing Maura, ready to hear whatever it was that Maura needed to say.

"So I almost wanted to forgive her" Maura frowned "But I couldn't and so I was rude and…" she shook her head when struck with what a mess she had made of a perfect opportunity.

"Maura" Jane said softly "She has to earn your forgiveness, you're absolutely right not to just leap onto her bandwagon now that she wants you in her life"

"I know" Maura said looking down at her hands "I just feel like I keep screwing everything up with her and…and she'll get tired of waiting and leave again"

"Oh honey" Jane said seeing Maura struggle to keep the tears from falling down her cheeks, she scooted closer to the doctor and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, creating a warm and comforting embrace. She kissed the side of Maura's head as she sniffled quietly.

"She won't leave you" Jane said feeling Maura's tense body against her own "She _loves_ you Maura Isles" Jane couldn't help but feel as though the words that were coming from her mouth could be said for her as well. She felt Maura relax in her arms, comforted by her words she gave the blonde's back a soothing rub before releasing her arms from around her.

"You haven't done anything wrong Maura, remember that" Jane said and Maura nodded.

"Thank you Jane" she said lifting her glassy eyes to meet with the detectives.

"I'm sorry to bother you in the middle of the night"

"Maura no" Jane said "You know my door is always open for you" Maura gave Jane a small and grateful smile, before wondering whether she should go. She had instantly felt better when she had walked through Jane's door, all the millions of thoughts that had been crowding her head had vanished and she wasn't sure she was ready for them to come back. Right now it was just her and Jane. Nothing felt complicated, even though Maura knew better. Which is why she surprised herself by leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on Jane's lips.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled her lips barely detached from Jane's "I couldn't help myself"

"Don't" Jane said "Ever apologise for doing that, you hear me?"

Maura felt a wide smile spread across her face at Jane's encouraging words, she placed her lips firmly back onto the brunettes and kissed her again. Her hand wandered across Jane's leg and up her thigh, teasingly adventuring in the gap between them. Suddenly she broke away from the kiss and took a small breath looking at Jane.

"This is too complicated" she whispered her hazel eyes searching Jane's but Jane just smiled.

"Then stop thinking Doctor Isles" she said and placed a kiss on Maura's lips.

"Let everything go" she whispered wrapping her arms around Maura and pulling the medical examiner close.

_Stop thinking, let it go._ Maura repeated to herself mentally, and as she continued to kiss Jane she began to feel free, she was filled with passion and happiness and she felt free. Free from her thoughts, free from any tangled labyrinth of emotions, it was just two hearts beating next to each other and it was perfect.

Jane carefully pushed the medical examiner back down onto the couch, and slowly lowered herself down onto the blonde. Maura kissed with a burning passion, desire igniting in every inch of Jane's body she had never felt so alive, so present in the moment. As Maura's hands snaked around Jane's waist, her warm fingers crawled under the detectives t-shirt and begin to slide up, slowly, seductively.

"Is this what happens when you stop thinking?" Jane questioned in-between kisses and Maura smirks against the brunettes lips.

"Shh" she mumbled and wrapped her legs around the detective pulling her closer, kissing her with everything she had. She felt desire rip through her body as she craved Jane's skin against her own, pushing the brunettes t-shirt up, up and tugging it over her head she freely ran her hands over Jane's strong back muscles, before sliding them round to the front and undoing her pants tugging them down Jane quickly slid out of them. Then she undid the first button of Maura's silk pyjama top breaking her lips off the doctors and placing a kiss where she had just uncovered, then continued with the rest of the buttons, placing kisses down Maura's chest and stomach. Maura breathed heavily, her legs tightening around Jane as she was consumed by lust, the feel of those lips on her stomach was almost too much. Suddenly Jane's fingers were hooked into the top of her pyjama pants and they were slowly sliding off her, leaving her in nothing but her laced underwear. Jane crawled back up and hovered above Maura with a cheeky smile playing on her face, Maura lifted her head and caught Jane's lips with her own pulling her down, the warmth of their skin as it touched created a burning heat between them, their tongues danced and Jane's hands wandered down Maura's bare sides eventually coming to the top of her underwear and she hooked her fingers in teasingly tugging at them.

"Stop" Maura whispered as logic suddenly took over her brain as she realised what was about to happen.

"Do you really mean that?" Jane asked placing kisses along Maura's jaw.

"You're only doing this because you miss your boyfriend" she said quietly and Jane lifted her head her brow furrowing.

"I don't want you to cheat on him" she said her breathing still heavy "I don't want to just be a quick fuck"

Jane lifted an eyebrow at Maura, it was strange to hear the medical examiner swearing it was a rarity to happen to say the least.

"Is that what you think?" Jane asked her voice was thick and husky, she explored Maura's deep hazel eyes knowing the doctor had just told her the truth.

"Maura, no" she said when the medical examiner bit her lip in reply "I put the ring away remember, I'm doing this because I want too" she urged Maura to believe her "I'm doing this because…I can't stop thinking about you"

"Is that a lie?" Maura asked her voice barely above a whisper, she played with a strand of Jane's curly brown locks.

"No, it's not Maur" Maura's face softened as she heard those words, her heart felt as though it had skipped a beat.

"I want to do this" Jane said in assurance one more time and Maura nodded with a small smile growing on her face.

"Me too" she said as Jane placed a loving kiss on her lips, a kiss that told her not to worry, it was the tender touch of someone who cared about her, who wanted her as much as she wanted them. Her passion enveloped Jane, they became one, dancing tongues and the raw intensity of skin against skin. Fire burned inside the both of them, and Maura's breath was taken away, she was transported, filled with infinity at the feel of Jane's touch, there was explosions of bright colours and rivers of lust, she was lost in a world where only she existed with Jane, there two souls combining as one. Unable to exist without each other. She arched her back as Jane filled her completely, unable to think, unable to remember her name or her birthday she was fulfilled, in a thousand ways she never thought she could be. She felt whole. She felt content. She felt Jane.

* * *

**Still with me? **

**How was that? How are you feeling? Good? Bad? Yes? No? Love? Hate? **

**Tell me everything you're feeling and thinking! **


	10. Chapter 10

_I am in love with Jane Rizzoli. _Sex wasn't meant to change like to love but it had, oh it had. _I love her hopelessly and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't shout if from the rooftops, I can't make it go away, I can't fall in love with someone else, and I _can't_ tell her. Not now. Not yet. Maybe not ever._

"Good morning Doctor Isles" Jane greeted Maura the next morning giving her a little nudge as the medical examiner arrived on the crime scene, she handed the blonde a Boston Joe's coffee she stopped off and got on the way to work and Maura took it gratefully.

"You're certainly glowing this morning" Jane teased and Maura did one of her favourite Maura faces, where she would purse her lips to try and hide a smile but it would fail and she would just end up looking ridiculously cute.

"Shut up" she told the detective bluntly taking a long needed sip of her coffee and then crouching down beside the victim, pulling her blue latex gloves on.

"Did you sleep well last night?" Jane asked and Maura tried to ignore her blatant innuendo.

"Having sleeping troubles Doctor Isles?" Frost asked and Maura tried to contain the blush that rapidly warmed her cheeks, keeping her head down she tried to distract herself with the body.

"Oh not anymore" Jane said from behind her "Isn't that right Doctor Isles?"

Jane knew she shouldn't be making these inappropriate remarks around her other colleagues but she couldn't help herself, watching Maura trying to contain herself was too amusing, and she knew she wasn't doing any real harm. Plus she still had such a rush from the unexpected events from last night she wanted to just scream them out to anyone who had ears.

"That's correct" Maura said looking up at Frost and Jane "Jane really has the most amazing technique for getting to sleep, I'm sure she'd love to show you some time"

Jane's eyes widened at the medical examiners sudden response, she was impressed and tried to hide the smile by sucking on her lips.

"Mm" she said "Although that _technique_ was pretty specific just for you Doctor Isles"

Frost raised an eyebrow at the two women's exchange. "Are you two alright?" he asked and Maura let out a comforting laugh. He was used to their extremely close relationship and strange inside jokes but sometimes he just wondered if there was actually something else going on with them.

"We're fine, thank you Frost" Jane said and sipped her coffee, the smile on her face permanent.

"Now tell us about the body doc"

"Well" Maura said carefully prodding around the young girls bloodied head.

"It appears she was hit with something large and hard… most likely on purpose" the doctor explained, and Jane stood behind her looking blankly into the distance.

"Thank you Maura" she replied sarcastically at the obvious information the medical examiner was stating "very helpful"

Maura looked up at Jane shooting her a be quiet look "She would have died instantly" the doctor began examining the rest of the body, she picked up the girls arm and pulled up the sleeve seeing bruises and red marks on her wrists, she frowned and began to stand up, she wasn't going to be able to tell anything more until autopsy.

"She was most likely assaulted…the bruises on her wrists suggest someone was holding her forcefully" Maura sighed pulling her gloves off "poor girl, she can't have been more than 16"

"It's tragic" Jane frowned, she was standing close to Maura so close that their shoulders were touching. Maura resisted the urge to turn around and kiss Jane right then and there, instead she turned just to admire the brunettes face; her striking cheekbones and messy curls. The two them were constantly surrounded by death and injustice, Maura was known as Queen of the Dead, yet she had never had such an urge to make the most of every moment of her life as she looked at the young girl who lay dead at her feet. The two women exchanged a longing look at one another, before Maura forced herself back into professionalism and cleared her throat looking around for the guys that were meant to be getting the body back to her morgue.

"Maur" Jane said stopping the doctor dead in her tracks. Maura turned around, aware of all the people around them she knew she needed to act… well the opposite of what she was feeling.

"Yes?" she replied simply.

"I was just wondering if…" Jane found herself getting distracted by the plunging neckline of the medical examiners black jumpsuit, she couldn't help but question whether Maura had chosen that particular outfit on purpose, with the white blazer pushed up past her elbows and the black stilettos all Jane wanted to do was grab the doctor and kiss her hard.

"If?" Maura echoed when Jane's voice trailed off.

"If you wanted to help babysit TJ tonight" she said quickly snapping out of her longing daze.

"I'd like that" Maura smiled at Jane's request, she loved seeing TJ and she was even more excited about getting to spend more time with the detective, since the tension between them seemed to have disappeared after last night. Of course there were still a thousand and five complications and questions that needed answers but neither of them cared about that at the moment. They just wanted to be near each other, always.

* * *

Jane stood in front of the board where Frost and Korsak had pinned all the photos they had so far of the case, it was looking like an assault, a brutal murder of a teenage girl. But something seemed off the Jane, she wasn't sure what and she knew it was too early to confront any of her colleagues with her hunch, but something didn't feel right about this. Her phone buzzed on her desk and she quickly snatched it up seeing she had a new message from Maura.

**Finished the autopsy. Come see me xxx**

She tried not to smile as she slipped her phone into her pocket, and made her way to the elevator almost crashing into Frost as he stepped out returning from his lunch break.

"Hey" he said "Find anything else yet?"

"Not yet" Jane frowned "We need to get going on these interviews, but Maura just texted she finished the autopsy and might have something"

"Okay" Frost nodded, there was something on his mind Jane could tell, something he wanted to say but wasn't going to unless she drew it out of him.

"Something you wanna say Frost?" Jane arched an eyebrow.

"I mean…nothing about the case" he said suddenly acting nervous "It's probably not my business anyway"

"What is it?" Jane asked curiously.

"I was just wondering… if there was anything going on between you and Doctor Isles" he asked looking at the floor and anxiously peeking up at Jane's reaction to see if he had completely overstepped or not. But Jane just stood there looking at him with the same curious expression.

"Why do you ask that?"

"It's just, you two act like you've just had sex but I know that can't be because you have a boyfriend"

Jane opened her mouth to speak but quickly shut it again. Was it really that obvious?

"I'm not sure I have a boyfriend anymore" she said finally and held up her empty ringless hand.

"Hey" Frost said holding up both hands in surrender "No judgement, you two would be kinda perfect for each other anyway"

"Excuse me?"

"You and Doctor Isles" he said with a relaxed shrug.

Jane narrowed her eyes before stepping around Frost and getting into the elevator.

"Shut up" she said as the doors were closing and Frost just grinned at her.

* * *

"There you are" Maura smiled as Jane came through the doors of the morgue.

"Hey" Jane said walking over to the table where the body was lying, still feeling baffled from Frost's sudden confrontation.

"Did you find anything?"

"Well, no" Maura said looking down at the body frowning.

"Nothing?" the detective questioned, the surprise in her tone apparent.

"There was no trace of semen and there was no bruising or tearing so she wasn't raped, there are no other assault wounds other than a couple of older bruises on her ribs, and some scratch marks on her right leg which are consistent with feline claws"

"A cat" Jane said bluntly. Maura gave Jane an apologetic shrug and the brunette sighed loudly letting her head fall back.

"Do I look like I've just had sex?" she asked Maura.

"Yes" Maura laughed "Why?"

"I think Frost knows somethings up" Jane leaned back on the empty autopsy table behind her.

"Is there something up?" Maura lifted an eyebrow giving her a cute smile and Jane rolled her eyes returning the smile.

"Nothing he needs to know directly about"

"So" Maura said dragging the word out slowly "Do you want to bring TJ over to mine tonight?"

Jane beamed at the mention of her adorable little nephew.

"Yes" she agreed "We'll come by about six?"

"Would you like me to make dinner?" Maura couldn't help but notice how routine their conversation was, as if they were an old married couple who had been doing this for as long as they could remember.

"I would like that very much" Jane said then glanced at her watch "Shoot, I should really get back to work"

Maura nodded and handed a copy of the autopsy report and Jane took it from her, both their hands lingering as they looked at each other, the craving for each other burning inside them like wild fire.

"I'll see you tonight then" Jane said, her voice was deeper, huskier, as she tried to contain the ache of her yearning. Maura just nodded, unable to force any other type of reply.

* * *

It was a cool night, the chilly autumn breeze blew the fallen leaves down the street scattering them carelessly. Maura felt content inside the warmth of her kitchen, her lights were slightly dimmed making everything feel more comfortable. Angela was out tonight with Cavanaugh and Maura was pleased with the idea that there would be no unwanted interruptions. As much as she enjoyed Angela's company, tonight the only Rizzoli she was interested in having present was Jane…and TJ. The sound of a car pulling up outside her house indicated Jane's arrival, she quickly wiped her hands on the nearest tea towel and quickly glanced down at her outfit, she didn't entirely like the idea that all of a sudden she was dressing to impress Jane, Maura always had a strong handle on her fashion and dressed only for herself and the sake of an aesthetically pleasing presentation. But suddenly since Jane had complimented her outfit she had wanted the detective to notice and like what she was wearing, and today she had certainly checked both of those boxes. Her elegant black jumpsuit had a rather low dropping neckline, she had paired it with her favourite black stilettos and white blazer, unintentionally making the only bit of skin she was revealing her neck and chest; which Jane had most definitely noticed. Glancing down at her shiny black skinny jeans, and loose, white (slightly see through) buttoned t-shirt she decided she looked nice, casual for her standards but still nice. Seconds later there was a knock on the door, a smile automatically stretching across her face she dashed out of the kitchen and pulled her front door open, being greeted by a grinning Jane Rizzoli clutching a gorgeous little boy and a giant bag of baby needs.

"Hi" Maura smiled at the sight.

"Hey" Jane bit her lip, was she nervous? The two of them stared at each other for several seconds before Maura realised the baby was out there in the cold.

"Here" she said holding her arms out "Let me take something" Jane tried to pass her the bag but Maura almost took a step back disgusted and then lifted TJ out of Jane's arms and twirled around so the two of them were safely inside.

"Baby stealer" Jane mumbled as she dragged the bag inside and shut the door behind them. Maura couldn't help but smile as TJ squealed happily and reached out to touch her face. He was really a gorgeous little boy, with Tommy's blue eyes and Lydia's blonde hair, and a smile to die for Maura couldn't help but love him. She placed a small kiss on his forehead and inhaling the sweet scent of the baby's skin.

"Don't sniff the baby Maur, unless it's diaper checking" Jane smirked and Maura rolled her eyes.

"But you smell so nice" Maura said softly to TJ who looked at her with his big blue eyes and a cheeky grin on his face.

"And you're so cute" she added tickling his stomach lightly making him squeal with delight.

"You're so good with him" Jane observed after watching them quietly for several seconds.

"So are _you"_ Maura replied looking up at the brunette with a kind smile.

"Can we eat?" Jane asked her eyes scanning the counter for food. "What are we having?"

"Kale and quinoa salad with pomegranate" Maura said pointing at the covered bowl that was behind the detective.

Jane lifted an eyebrow at the words that had just come out of Maura's mouth.

"Maura" she pouted "I thought you were making something we could actually eat"

Maura laughed and moved TJ onto her hip as she walked over to Jane and pulled the bowl towards them, uncovering it with her spare hand.

"If you try it, you'll like it" she said and Jane scrunched her nose up in uncertainty. "There's frozen yoghurt, but only if you eat this"

"Are you blackmailing me with frozen yoghurt?" Jane asked her eyes widening "Give me TJ" she said holding her arms out.

"He shouldn't be near you, you're sly" Maura laughed and looked at TJ who sat comfortably in her arms.

"And your aunty Jane won't eat her vegetables unless she's force-fed" TJ titled his head then giggled, deciding that what Maura had said was wildly funny.

"See" Maura smirked "He's doesn't want to be cuddled by a vegetable hater"

"Maura" Jane said slowly narrowing her eyes at the honey blonde.

"Give me the baby"

"No" Maura pouted pressing her cheek gently against TJ's so they were both looking at Jane with big doe eyes, that almost made her heart entirely melt. It was one thing to see Maura with such an adorable expression on her face, but Maura holding a baby… Jane needed to get herself together and fast.

"Fine then I'm having frozen yoghurt for dinner" she decided turning towards Maura's fridge, but Maura was faster.

"No" she yelped and weaved around Jane, depositing TJ into her arms before leaping in front of her fridge with both arms out in defence.

"Not until you've eaten your kale!"

Jane looked at TJ and shook her head "she ditched you for leafy greens, you need to think carefully about whose side you're on little man"

After dinner, and yes Maura managed to get Jane to eat all of it, the two of them made themselves comfortable on the couch, with TJ on the floor in front of them surrounded by toys. "_Where's the turtle?"_ Jane had asked her earlier, nervous Bass would make an appearance and scare the baby. _"Tortoise" _Maura had corrected her "_and he's in his room_"

"_his room?"_ Jane had looked horrified.

"_Well the study…he likes it in there"_

"_God you're weird"_ Jane had laughed and Maura had felt her cheeks flush temporarily pink, she knew Jane was only poking fun at her but still, it was enough to make her blush. She had been called weird all her life, she was used to it and she knew Jane loved how _weird_ she was, she didn't understand why her body reacted that way. She looked over at Jane who was gazing adoringly at TJ, and she felt an unusual love flood her heart it wasn't everyday she got to see Jane like this, the soft side, the nurturing side of fierce detective, the side that came out when she was around children, it was beautiful and it tugged on Maura's heart, why she did not know. Maura had never been certain whether she wanted children, but seeing Jane and the way she was around them made Maura want to rethink every thought she had on the subject, she may have been leaping a bit too far forward but she couldn't help it. She took a long sip from her red wine, still watching Jane intimately.

"Can I ask you something?" the words left her mouth before she had a chance to stop them. She was only on her second glass of wine, but even that small amount of alcohol proved to be enough to give her that push of extra courage she didn't have otherwise.

"Yeah" Jane replied her eyes not moving off the infant on the floor.

"It's about last night"

That made Jane look up and over at the doctor who sat running her finger lightly around the rim of her wine glass, her hazel eyes looking intently at her.

"Go on…"

"Well, we've had sex Jane" she said after a moments hesitation "that's not nothing"

"Of course it's not" Jane answered matter-of-factly. Maura opened her mouth to reply but only a small breath of air came out. She had more to say but with those dark brown eyes looking at her so intensely she found herself intimidated. Butterflies filled her stomach and she felt a her heart was beating nervously in her chest. That it was it, her courage was gone. The question had been swallowed.

_Do you chose me over him? _

She took another sip of wine wondering if it would return.

"Was there a question there?" Jane asked.

Maura looked down into her glass of wine in contemplation of her answer before looking back up at Jane. She had her dark brown curls pushed messily over her head, her eyes were fixated on Maura in a way she couldn't possibly ignore and she had an arm outstretched across the top of the couch that was screaming 'come here let me cuddle you'.

"I want to kiss you" Maura said confidently.

A smile formed on Jane's face "that didn't sound like a question either"

"It wasn't" the cheeky smile on Maura's face reached her eyes.

"I want to kiss you too" Jane said tearing her eyes off Maura and looking a TJ "but not in front of my nephew"

"So, put him to bed" Maura shrugged.

"Doctor Isles" Jane gasped and Maura laughed quietly.

"What? He should probably be asleep anyway" she said glancing at her watch.

Jane knew Maura was right but she didn't know why she was suddenly feeling nervous about the idea of them being alone together. She tried not to think about it, knowing that too much thinking could only make it worse, but the nerves that were pumping through her body made it hard to forget. _Maura is still Maura_ Jane told herself as she scooped TJ up off the floor and took him into the downstairs guest bedroom where they had set up his portable crib. _She's the same person she always was_, _there is no need to be nervous_. Yet the Maura that followed behind her cooing at TJ was _not_ the same Maura she always had been, this Maura looked at Jane as if she was the only person in the world, as if nothing else in the world even existed, this Maura made Jane's heart beat faster every time she saw the honey blonde, it made her skin tingle in memory of her soft touch, and her eyes made all the other colours in the world seem dull. Maura was her best friend, and this was uncharted waters for both of them it made Jane terrified that _this_ Maura could ruin her.

They put TJ to bed and Jane turned on the baby monitor while Maura adjusted the teddy that played soft lullaby's to get the little boy to sleep, then they quietly left the room pulling the door to. As soon as they were both out, Maura stepped in front of the detective and pushed her against the wall going up on her tip toes and placing a long overdue kiss onto her lips, she opened her eyes to look at the brunette before their lips parted, Jane's eyes were shut everything about her face looked peaceful, the troubled tension Maura had noticed that had been wearing in Jane's body language was now gone, she opened her eyes slowly.

"Maura" she groaned softly, wrapping her arms around the smaller woman.

"Come here" she mumbled leaning in and kissing the doctor again, then scooping her up off the floor Maura wrapped her legs around Jane's waist as the detective turned and pressed Maura's back against the wall.

* * *

**Hellooo loves, I hope you're all having a good weekend! Sorry this chapter is a bit of a muddle, it was written with a multitude of interruptions, I tried to write in my break at work and then while I was babysitting...and then when I got home in the middle of the night and could barely keep my eyes open, but I was so keen to get it up for you all as soon as possible.**

**Hopefully you all like it :) As usual I encourage you to let me know everything you're feeling and thinking! Also for those of you wanting a bit more drama...all I can say is be very careful what you wish for ;)**

**Thank you for all the ongoing support. More is coming very soon. Much love xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

The early morning sun began to seep through the gaps in the curtains the following morning and Jane's eyes fluttered open as she was gently pulled out of her sleep but the light hitting her eyes. Seeing Maura's dusky rose silk curtains on the other side of the room she quickly discovered she wasn't in her own bed, or in fact in her own home, rolling over she saw the honey blonde still lying soundly asleep on the pillow next to her.

"Jesus" Jane muttered rubbing her eyes and slipping out of bed and into the hallway. She made her way downstairs her eyes still adjusting to the radiant morning light that was filling Maura's house, she prayed she wouldn't run into her mother in the kitchen and face a weird confrontation of why she had stayed over last night. To be quite honest with herself, Jane didn't even know why she had stayed over she could have gone home after Tommy picked up TJ but she hadn't been able to face the idea of an empty home. Maura of course hadn't been opposed when she had suggested she could just stay the night, she had volunteered herself to just sleep on the couch but the doctor had straight out refused. _"You'll ruin my cushions" _she had tried to argue and Jane had just laughed. Making herself a quick instant coffee she sat at the table and checked her iPad for emails, she was shocked to see that there was one new one from Casey, so shocked she almost spat out her mouthful of coffee all over Maura's table. She almost didn't want to open it, the somewhat bizarre world she had found herself living in these past few days with Maura could end with whatever this email said. She had to read it, she pushed open and shut her eyes as she waited for it to load.

**Hey Baby.**

**I wasn't expecting this to be so hard.**

**I don't know who I am if I'm no a solider. They want me to command a battalion in the Balkans. There's room for my wife. Please come Jane. Please.**

As the words processed through her mind she felt as though a weight had been dropped on her chest, she felt as though someone was standing on her heart as it began to beat faster and faster. Feeling light headed, putting her coffee down and pushing it away from her. The house was quiet, she could hear herself breathing loudly, gasping for air, several tears fell down her cheeks. Casey was asking her to leave, leave her life in Boston, leave her friends, her family, _Maura_.

"No" she said aloud "No" she repeated louder and her voice trembled. She wasn't going to leave, she wasn't going to marry him. She couldn't leave, she couldn't and she wouldn't. She loved him but it wasn't going to work, they loved their jobs more than they loved each other. His face had become something of a distant memory for Jane over the past few days, but now it was clearer than ever and it sent shooting pain through her heart to think about his gorgeous smile and his shining blue eyes. She thought she was going to puke, leaping up from the chair she ran to the bathroom, throwing herself over the toilet just in time. Flushing the toilet she dragged herself up off the floor and washed her face, the cool water waking up her senses. She felt better, a lot better. Looking out the window at the golden morning sun she knew that if she went for a run it would make her feel even better.

And she was right, as soon as she felt the pavement pounding beneath her feet, the blood pumping through her veins. She breathed fast and ran hard, pushing herself further and further, every muscle in her body ached but she didn't stop, not until she could barely breathe. She collapsed against the rails of someones stairs and panted heavily, gasping for air. She needed to let the pain rip from her body and be gone for good, she wasn't going to marry Casey that much was completely certain now. She was alone again. Well almost alone.

When Jane got back to Maura's she didn't feel much more settled than she did when she had left, her world had just been turned upside down, or at least that's what it felt like. The past few days she had barely given a thought to the idea of being married to Casey, in fact she had assumed that whole aspect of her life was on hold considering his sudden departure, but clearly he hadn't been thinking the same way. _I cheated on him_. The words echoed through her head. _I cheated on my fiancé._ She hadn't said yes, but she hadn't said no yet either, so technically that was still cheating. _Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. _Her body ached as she walked through the door everything felt tense and rigid, like she was suddenly carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. The smell of espresso coffee and toast filled her nose, as she walked into the kitchen Maura sat at the counter in a tight emerald green dress with black heels. _God she looks perfect_. _No wonder I fucking cheated. Look at her._ Jane wanted to kick herself, unable to turn her thoughts off.

"Good morning" Maura said hearing Jane walk in and not looking up from the article she was reading.

"I left you a note" Jane said getting a glass of water, she didn't know how to tell Maura. "I went for a run"

"I know" Maura said eventually looking up "Everything okay?"

_No._

"Yes" Jane said tight lipped, her gut aching as the lie slid through her teeth, she wondered if Maura could tell. But the doctor just nodded.

"Okay" she said and finished off her coffee.

"Well…I'm going to head to work, I have some paperwork to catch up on did you want a ride?" she asked and Jane just shook her head, afraid that if she spoke she would burst into tears. When Maura left Jane bent over the counter with her head in her hands, willing herself not to cry. Maura had acted so distant this morning Jane wondered if she knew something was up, or had she seen the email? She had left it up on her screen after all, and it was right next to an untouched cup of coffee which was a pretty good indicator alone. Now she probably thinks I'm hiding things from her Jane rubbed her temples, she had let her life get far too complicated and now it was uncomplicating itself she felt worse. Casey was going to be gone from her life entirely, she would send him back the ring later today, and with Casey gone there was Maura. _Oh Maura. _What was she going to do about Maura. The dorky google mouthed doctor, who she had sex with and stumbled across feelings she hadn't known existed. Maura's drunken words still ran through her head '_do you get it now? You could have had me.'_ They repeated over and over at night until Jane fell asleep, and then Frost telling her that she and the doctor would be perfect for each other, maybe she had been oblivious the entire time? Maybe those feelings she felt towards Maura now, she had mistakenly classed them as a platonic love of her best friend. But there was no mistake now, what she felt when she was with Maura couldn't be mistaken for anything, her body would yearn for the doctor when they weren't touching, she craved those perfect soft lips to be against her skin, the electricity she felt in her veins when they were together couldn't be mistaken for anything. But why now? Jane thought, why only now did she notice the red and gold flecks on the doctors eyes, why only now was she noticing the dimple in her left cheek when she smiled, or the way her hair fell over her shoulders, or the way her eyes lit up when she saw Jane enter the room.

She shook her head snapping out of her thoughts and glanced at the time, she was already late for work but her stomach felt off and her head was aching from.

"Fuck it" she groaned and picked up her phone to call in sick. All she could bear doing today was lying on her couch in fetal position and letting the complicated emotions of her life engulf her. She didn't understand why she hadn't felt such a rush when she had been with any of her other boyfriends, she had thought she'd felt chemistry with them, especially Casey but nothing, nothing felt like this. She remembered feeling better when Casey went back to Afghanistan the first time, their relationship had heated up with such a distance between them, but with Maura she couldn't even bare the thought of being too far from her for a day, let alone months at a time. _Maura. Maura. Maura._

"Maura" she loved the way the doctors name sounded as it slid off of her tongue. It sounded right. But something was bugging her, something wasn't letting her open her heart to the medical examiner. Was it all the uncertainty? She loved being with Maura, but she couldn't help but wonder if they ever became something more would it ruin their years of friendship, what if it didn't work out and they ended up hating each other, or if Casey came back? What would happen then? She loved Casey, but… did she love Maura too?

* * *

When Maura finally went upstairs to the Homicide unit just after 2pm her eyes immediately searched for Jane, but when she saw the detectives empty desk her brow furrowed in concern.

"Have you seen Jane?" she asked Korsak who was sitting at his desk staring at his screen in deep focus.

"Nope, she called in sick" he replied his eyes not moving off the screen. Maura's eyebrows went up in shock, Jane hardly ever took a day off, she must have been a lot more worked up from that email from Casey then she had let on. Maura still felt bad for prying into Jane's personal life like that, but she couldn't help see the message when she had gone into the kitchen this morning after finding a messily scrawled note next to her bed. Of course the email had terrified her, was Jane going to say yes and go? Was she going to lose the woman she loved just after she thought she finally had a chance? She couldn't even bare to think about it. Jane had seemed exhausted and on edge this morning when she had got back from her run, there was a stiffness to her behaviour that she knew had nothing to do with _them_ but with Casey. She couldn't believe he would drop something like this on her, Jane loved her job more than almost anything and she was quite certain that she wouldn't leave it. But knowing Doctor Isles, guessing was reckless and she didn't want to jump to any conclusions that might turn out to be false, and leave her in misery.

"What about the case?" Maura asked.

"We've hit a wall, all the suspects alibis check out, it's gonna be a slow day" Korsak said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Maura turned on her heel and walked back out to the elevator, it was a slow day in the morgue as well, there had been no further evidence from the results of the autopsy, the girl had been completely normal, other than slightly raised alcohol levels, which she had notified the detectives about as soon as she had found out. Anything was going to be helpful to them at this point.

She wondered if she should call Jane and make sure she was okay, but she stopped herself Jane probably needed space, that was why she took the day off, not to be checked on by the doctor like a little kid. So she held out, _if she needs me she'll call_ Maura told herself and tried to believe it. In all other circumstances she would be over at Jane's in a flash, but it was different this time, she had slept with Jane, kissed her, drunkly admitted to not wanting to lose her. They weren't just friends anymore, and she wasn't sure how far she was allowed to go.

* * *

When Jane woke up it was starting to get dark outside, the sky was fading into the deep pinks and blues before turning black completely. She had slept most of the afternoon after mustering the strength to get the ring out of the safety deposit and get a some packing to send it, she had collapsed onto the couch in tears and eventually fallen asleep. She had slept undisturbed, no one phone calls, no knocks on her door, no one had come to check on her, not her mother and not even Maura.

She felt her stomach rumble and she realised she hadn't eaten all day, sitting up she wrapped the blanket on her around her shoulders and shuffled across her apartment to retrieve her phone. _Chinese or pizza? _she silently asked herself, but when she couldn't come to any decisions and found herself feeling overwhelmed just by trying to make up her mind what she wanted for dinner, she found herself dialling the one person she knew would help her.

"Jane?" Maura's voice was immediately reassuring down the phone.

"I need help" Jane's voice was soft and smokey.

"Are you alright?" Maura asked and Jane could picture her gathering up all her things getting ready to leave work for the night.

"I'm hungry" Jane complained.

"Do you want me to get takeout?" Maura asked calmly and Jane heard the beep-beep of Maura's car unlocking down the phone.

"Indian? Chinese? Thai?"

"Oh my god" Jane whispered her brain aching heavily.

"Jane, are you sure you're alright?" the doctor sounded concerned.

"Just pick something, I don't care" Jane said "And hurry, my stomach is dying"

Maura laughed softly "Okay, I'll be there soon"

Jane hung up and dragged herself back to the couch where she sat impatiently staring at the clock until she finally heard the knock on her door.

"You took too long" she frowned as she let Maura in taking the food out of her hand immediately.

"I'm sorry" Maura chuckled "There was traffic" Maura studied Jane while she took off her coat, watching as the brunette dug the chopsticks out of the bag and looked at Maura.

"Chinese?" she guessed and the medical examiner nodded.

"I felt like noodles" she shrugged and Jane pulled the blanket around her tighter, using her free hand to take her noodles over to the couch.

"You look like a hermit" Maura commented, picking up her box of noodles and following the detective.

"Thank you, you look nice too" Jane replied sarcastically, digging into her noodles ravenously.

Maura sucked a noodle into her mouth watching Jane from the corner of her eye, as she silently ate not taking her eyes off the noodles. Jane looked sad, really sad. Maura wasn't sure she had ever seen Jane so upset before, yes she had dealt with Casey leaving several times before but this was different, Jane wasn't even speaking.

"Do you…do you want to talk about it?" Maura asked carefully poking her noodles with the chopsticks nervously. Jane shook her head slightly, she was still looking straight down at her dinner. She shook her head again, and Maura saw tears start to slide down the brunettes face, landing on the cardboard box of her noodles.

"Oh Jane" Maura said putting her food down on the coffee table in front of her and scooting over to Jane, wrapping her arms around the detective who was still warmly wrapped in her favourite blanket.

"I saw that email this morning" Maura admitted, knowing she wouldn't be able to lie if it was bought up, nor act surprised why Jane was acting like this.

"I knew it" Jane sniffed. "I just…I can't"

Maura rested her head on the detectives shoulder and rubbed soft soothing circles on her back.

"You can't what?" she asked softly trying not to sound afraid of what the answer might be.

"I can't _marry_ him" Jane sobbed and Maura felt a sudden wave of happiness pass by her, which she quickly brushed away. She couldn't be so selfish when Jane was so upset.

"I'm so sorry" Maura whispered, but Jane let out small laugh.

"You're not" she said and Maura lifted her head looking at Jane with a confused expression.

"You're probably glad that bastards gone" she smirked and Maura went bright pink, proving Jane's point completely.

"Don't say that" Maura said.

"Why?" Jane asked "Because it's the truth…the truth will set you free is what they say" she sniffled before pulling Maura close again and resting her head on top of the blondes.

"I'm not so sure about that" Maura admitted.

"You should know" Jane said "You always have to tell the truth or you get hives…how does it feel?"

Maura laughed quietly "How does it feel to get hives?" she teased "Very itchy"

That made Jane laugh, and Maura smiled.

"You're such a dork" Jane said and Maura could still hear Jane's smile.

"But you're jokes are getting better"

"Yaaay" Maura grinned clapping her hands quietly "I like making you laugh"

"You're such a good person Maur" Jane said her voice was soft, but her tone was serious. Maura felt her heart give a happy flutter.

"You are too Jane" she said "And I hate seeing you so sad, I don't like it when you're upset"

"I'm not so sad now" Jane said, lifting her head and looking at Maura. "see, my tears are all dried out, now I just feel depressed"

"Depressed isn't any better than sad Jane" Maura frowned then suddenly remembered something and leapt off the couch.

"I might have something that could help" she said and dashed over to her bag rummaging through it and pulling out a large bottle of vodka.

Jane's eyes widened in shock.

"Vodka? Since when do you drink vodka?"

"It's marshmallow vodka" Maura clarified ignoring Jane's question.

"Marshmallow vodka?" Jane asked her tone just as shocked and confused as it was before.

"Why are we drinking marshmallow vodka"

"It was in the stomach of that musician girl Pike autopsied when we were off work last week and I wanted to try it, plus you like marshmallows right? I thought it would cheer you up" Maura smiled cutely sitting back down on the couch and Jane took the bottle from her studying it with a smile starting to spread across her face.

"Everyone likes marshmallows Maura" she laughed "and I hope this is a new bottle, not the vodka from the insides of a dead girl"

Maura laughed "Of course it's a new bottle"

"Are we going to get _ragingly_ drunk and make out?" Jane asked and Maura looked at her cutely noticing her eyes were a little blood shot from crying, and her nose was a bit red too, but she still looked perfect.

Maura gave a little shrug "takeout, makeout….it does rhyme"

Jane smirked and started unscrewing the top.

"But you did just break up with Casey so…if you just want to get drunk that's okay" Maura added biting her lip and looking at Jane with her head slightly tilted. But Jane didn't seem to hear her, her lips were already firmly wrapped around the bottle and she took several large swigs before looking at Maura with wide eyes.

"I feel invigorated" she grinned "the person who made this shit is a genius"

Maura chuckled, glad that Jane's mood had seemingly improved for the meantime. She held her hand out for the bottle.

"Lemme try" she said and took it out of Jane's hand, it was a strange mix of the strong and cold toxic taste of vodka with a sweet, sweet aftertaste. It didn't take long for them to start feeling tipsy, they addictively kept taking sips from the bottle until they realised it was half empty and Maura hid it under the couch.

"I think we're drunk" Jane announced her words slurring as she grabbed one of Maura's hands.

"You know what I think we should do?"

"What?" Maura asked from her new comfortable spot lying on the coffee table.

"I think we should kiss a little" Jane grinned.

"A little" Maura echoed "Or a not so little"

Jane giggled then held up a finger "But first Jo has to go outside and pee, and you're coming"

"But I don't want to pee outside" Maura protested as Jane tried to pull the medical examiner off the table.

"You don't gotta pee Maur" Jane said dragging Maura up and handing her the spare blanket draped over the back of the couch.

"Jo" Jane called out "Joey, Jo, Joseph"

"Joseph" Maura giggled wrapping the blanket around her "Don't call her Joseph"

The little dog came running, leaping up and down excitedly in between them, Jane led her over to the door not bothering with the leash, and the three of them started to make their way downstairs. Maura bumped into the wall several times, feeling blurry and lightheaded but Jane grabbed her hand to make sure she didn't do it again.

"How come you're so good at being drunk?" Maura pouted.

"I have brothers" Jane said "Boys drink like animals"

"Technically we drink the same amount as animals" Maura said holding up a finger correcting Jane.

"Okay doctor smartypants" Jane said pushing open the door to the building letting Jo out first and then holding it open for Maura, who stepped outside and gasped at how cold it was.

"Thermal dynamics" the doctor whispered, a mist of air appearing when she spoke.

"What?" Jane lifted an eyebrow.

"Condensation, my molecules are packing themselves together" she said watching her breath swirl in front of her.

"If that's your way of saying that you're cold, then yes, me too" Jane said coming up behind the doctor and wrapping her arms and blanket around her so she was trapped.

"Hey" she said turning around 180 degrees so she was facing Jane.

"My face is cold" Jane pouted. Maura looked at her with big hazel eyes and a mischievous look playing on her face.

"If I kiss you will it be warmer?" Maura asked without hesitating.

"Maybe" Jane whispered.

"Is it a bad idea to kiss you after a break up?" she continued to ask.

"Probably"

"I'm going to do it anyway" Maura decided, reaching up on the tips of her toes and placing a soft kiss onto Jane's lips. Jane kissed her back immediately, it was gentle but captivating, a mixture of the sweet aftertaste of the vodka, and salty tears that had dried on Jane's lips. Mesmerised instantly, their lips pressed together time after time, transporting them to another world. Ragged breathing and dancing tongues bought a fiery heat to the freezing night air, with just two of them there, the rest of the world disappeared. They were lost in each other. Lost, until Jo Friday barked, the cold starting to get too cold for the little dog. The two women pulled their lips apart and looked at one another, they were infatuated with each other.

_I love you._ The words sat on the tip of Maura's tongue, but she knew better then to let those words slip.

"We should go inside" Jane said softly and Maura simply nodded in agreement.

* * *

**Hey loves! Enjoy the update. Just a little more liquid courage on these ladies behalf can never do any harm ;) buckle yourselves up for what's to come, everything might not be running as smoothly anymore. **

**I can't promise another update in the next 24 hours, but as always I'll try my best. I suddenly have a mountain of uni work that I've been putting off, I wonder how that happened... ;)**

**Hit me up with your thoughts.**

**Much love xxx**


	12. Chapter 12

Maura's head was killing her the next morning. Everything felt heavy and achey. A splitting headache had greeted her once she had woken up and as usual refused to go away, even with the help of painkillers. Maura had decided she needed to go home to feed Bass, and get a new outfit so she wasn't showing up to work in the same clothes as yesterday. Usually she kept a spare outfit at Jane's but she had used it several weeks ago and had forgotten to replace it. It was becoming a more and more frequent thing staying over at Jane's during the week, she needed to get organised so she wouldn't have a mad rush to dress herself appropriately as the Chief Medical Examiner of the state of Massachusetts every morning when she woke in Jane's bed.

_Organisation _Maura had repeated the word several times over in her head before yawning sleepily at the thought of it.

"No thank you" she mumbled battling to keep her eyes open. The morning sun was blinding Maura, even through her sunglasses, she felt hunched over the wheel of her car as she drove through the streets of Boston. _"C'mon Maur, just wear what you wore yesterday and lets go get coffee" _Jane had groaned when Maura had announced she needed to go home before she went to work. She had just looked at Jane horrified at the idea of wearing the same outfit. _"_

_Wearing the same dress won't kill you" _Jane had argued seeing the look on Maura's face.

"_It might_" Maura had frowned. "_Who's gonna notice?" _

_"Everyone, probably even the dead bodies, I never wear the same outfit twice in a week" _Maura pouted. Jane had known she wasn't going to win this debate so she threw her hands up in the air.

_"Fine, meet me at Boston Joe's in 20"_

That had been agreeable for Maura, but now that she was in her car driving seemed like a huge effort that she wished she hadn't partaken in. The sounds of angry morning traffic wasn't helping her head in the slightest, she had already turned off the radio as soon as she got in the car, the smallest amount of noise was causing a big amount of damage to her already pounding head. She couldn't believe she had gotten drunk again on a week night, _what's happening to me? _She thought as she pulled up at the stop light. _Am I turning into an alcoholic? _She questioned leaning her arm on the window so she could rest her aching head on her hand. Maura stared at the red light, feeling herself drifting off into her world of thoughts, but the sudden flash of green startled her out of her daze and she slowly lowered her foot onto the accelerator turning the corner, entirely missing the silver Subaru that had just run the red light and was spinning at great speed around the same corner Maura had just turned into.

* * *

"Where is she?" Jane impatiently tapped her foot, sitting at the table by the window of Boston Joe's so she would easily be able to spot Maura when she arrived. It had been 40 minutes since Maura had left Jane's to go home and change and feed the turtle, and Maura was never late. _Maybe hungover Maura doesn't care about time management?_ Jane pondered, the medical examiner was one of the most punctual people Jane knew, never late, always a minute early. _She probably fell asleep _Jane told herself, but when she had called Maura her phone had gone straight to answer phone, and there had been no reply on her home phone either. _Maybe Bass is sick?_ Jane couldn't stop wondering what was taking the doctor so long, they were going to be late for work if she wasn't here soon.

Jane sipped her coffee and immediately the hot caffeine pouring down her throat made her feel a lot less grouchy, her head was thumping painfully as a result from too much marshmallow vodka. Jane was just contemplating swinging by Maura's to see what was taking her so long when her phone started buzzing on the table. It was Korsak. _Goddamn_. They were going to have a body and the Chief Medical Examiner was hungover and M.I.A.

"Korsak what's up?" Jane said taking another long sip of her coffee trying to wake herself up entirely, Frost would be able to spot a hangover from a mile away.

"Jane, it's Maura" Korsak said and Jane frowned.

"What about Maura?" she asked slowly.

"It was just on the police radio there was an accident two blocks from Maura's house, only two cars were involved and one of them was a blue Toyota" Korsak spoke fast, the concern in his voice was clear.

"Fuck" Jane leapt from her seat, her heart suddenly beating one hundred miles a minute. It couldn't be Maura. No. Maura should have been home by now, there were thousands of blue Toyota's in Boston, it didn't mean it was hers.

"You might wanna get over there" he said and Jane was already in her car.

"Thanks Korsak" she shouted down the phone before hanging up and zooming out of the car park.

* * *

Yellow crime tape was strung up around the corner exactly two blocks from Maura's house, Jane pulled up beside one of the police cars and leapt out flashing her badge at one of the police who was standing on guard, not letting anyone unauthorised near the scene. Jane immediately saw a silver Subaru that had totalled itself around a tree on the other side of the road, glass was shattered everywhere. Jane tried to contain herself as her eyes caught sight of Maura's blue Toyota parked in the middle of the road, the passenger door completely smashed in.

"Oh god" she whispered a hand flying over her mouth, a sick feeling growing in her stomach.

"Detective" one of the police officers came over to Jane "you're not needed here"

He said looking mildly confused.

"What happened?" Jane asked bluntly having not have heard a word of what the officer had just said.

"Subaru ran a red light, hit the car that was turning the corner, tried to divert and smashed into the tree" the officer explained still loping remarkably confused at why the detective was enquiring.

"Driver of the Subaru's in critical condition" the officer continued to explain as Jane couldn't move her eyes off Maura's car.

"What about Maura?" Jane asked her voice barely above a whisper.

"What was that?"

"The driver of the Toyota" Jane said clearing her throat quickly pulling herself together.

"Were they okay?"

The officer gave a shrug "Last I saw she was being lifted into an ambulance on a stretcher…is there a reason you're here detective? This wasn't a homicide"

Jane shook her head, her body was going in to shock from the sudden turn of events. Her chest felt tight making it hard for her to breathe, she suddenly felt dizzy, sick at the thought of Maura being hurt. Abruptly turning on her heel she half sprinted back to her car, getting in and gripping her hands on the wheel tightly, taking deep and shaky breaths. Her hands trembled from holding the wheel so tightly, she let out a small gasp for air shutting her eyes and leaning her head back against the headrest for three short seconds before opening her eyes.

_The hospital_. She needed to get to the hospital.

* * *

Jane went flying through the doors of the hospital closely dodging a man leaving on crutches and a family pushing an old woman in a wheelchair, she ran down the hallway to find the main desk. _Maura. Maura. Maura. _That's all she could think about, that's all she wanted to think about. _Please be okay. Maura. Please be okay. _Screeching to a halt at the desk she slammed her hands down, unintentionally giving the nurse behind it a fright, she looked up from her clipboard startled by the arrival of the detective.

"Can I help you?" She asked her brow furrowed.

"Maura Isles" the words tumbled from her mouth "Doctor Maura…Isles"

Jane's worried eyes frantically searched the nurses face, waiting for her to register who she was talking about.

"She was hit" Jane forced the words from her mouth as pain rippled through her chest "her car was hit…" Suddenly the a realisation washed over the young nurse and she nodded holding up a finger to Jane.

"One sec" she said disappearing into the office and coming back a second later.

"Sixth floor, ward 3" the nurse said pointing upwards and Jane nodded, beginning to walk away then quickly sliding back.

"Is she okay?" she almost begged the nurse, and the girl just shook her head.

"I couldn't tell you, I'm sorry" she said before returning to her clipboard. Jane dashed over to the elevator, aggressively hitting the up arrow, bouncing her foot as she waited for the elevator doors to ding open. It felt like everyone was moving ten times slower than usual, everything getting in her way, keeping her from getting to Maura as fast as she could. She impatiently waited for an elderly woman to exit the lift before getting in, several other people following her, hitting all the floors before the sixth. Jane wanted to scream with frustration, push them all out and make them take the stairs. _Just let me get to Maura. Please._

Finally the doors opened on the sixth level and Jane was out, running. Ward 1. Ward 2. Ward 3. Jogging down the corridor, she couldn't help but peek into all the rooms as she dashed by, checking to see if any of them were Maura.

"Excuse me are you looking for someone?" a voice said from behind her, spinning around Jane came face to face with a small nurse, clutching several clipboards.

"Maura Isles" she said automatically. The nurse pointed over Jane's shoulder to a closed door, and Jane immediately spun around and headed toward it.

"Family only" the nurse called out but Jane wasn't listening. She took a breath before going in, but before she could lay a hand on the door handle, it opened and an women wearing a white lab coat, in her thirties stepped out and looked at Jane startled.

"I need to see her" Jane said trying to hold back the tears that she knew weren't far away.

"Family only I'm sorry" the woman said and Jane just shook her head, trying to push past the doctor but she stepped in front of the door, blocking it.

"I am family" Jane stated, her tone frustrated as ever.

"You're Jane" the doctor asked and Jane was taken back at the fact the woman knew her name.

"Yes I am"

"I'm sorry" she said immediately moving out of the way, opening the door for Jane to go in.

"She's been asking for you"

"She's been…" Jane's eyes widened. She looked at the open door, terrified she might see on other side.

"Come in" the doctor's voice was suddenly a lot softer and comforting.

"She's okay, Jane"

"She is?" Jane asked, not feeling any less relieved.

"She suffered a minor head trauma, she looks a lot worse than she is"

Jane swallowed hard before taking a brave breath and going into the room. _Be brave for Jane. You can do this. _Stepping into the room, Jane's eyes immediately found Maura. She was lying on the hospital bed, her eyes shut. She looked peaceful, not in any pain. Finally Jane felt the immediate relief, she was okay. Her honey blonde hair was pulled up away from her face tided in a loose bun, and she had a brace around her neck. Stitches ran across her right side of her forehead and there was dark bruising down the side of her face. Blood had dried under her nose and was yet to be cleaned away, and she had blood stained lip too. But her cheeks were slightly pink, and her breathing was normal. Jane could breathe again.

"The bruising and blood is from the airbag hitting her face, she was lucky her head was turned or it could have been a lot worse" the doctor explained "We've got her on an IV drip because when the results came back there was traces of alcohol in her blood, so we're just flushing them out"

"Y-you said she was asking for me?" Jane asked not taking her eyes of Maura.

"Yes, she was, that's all she was saying in fact, but she was in quite a bit of pain so we gave her some morphine and she fell asleep"

"Oh god" Jane said running a hand through her messy hair, still in disbelief this had happened.

"It's okay Jane" the detective felt the doctors comforting hand on her shoulder.

"She's going to be fine, the neck brace is only for support she took a hard hit to her head and often it results in further back and neck pain, and occasional dizzy spells, we just want to make sure we minimise the chance of that happening"

Jane nodded "Okay, thank you"

"I'll leave you two now" the doctor said with a warm smile "if you have any further queries don't hesitate to come and see me, my name's Lena"

"Thank you Lena" Jane said giving the doctor a soft smile as she left, quietly shutting the door behind her. Jane collapsed into the seat beside Maura's bed, her eyes wandering over the medical examiners fragile body she leaned forward onto the bed burying her head in her hands. _Why did this have to happen to her? Of all people. _Tears prickled at the back of Jane's eyes, she knew Maura was going to be okay but she couldn't bare to see the doctor like this, in this broken state. What if the car crash had been worst and she had lost Maura, they hadn't talked yet, they hadn't said what they needed to say and she would have been left in a abyss of uncertainty for the rest of her life. She wanted to tell Maura that the thought of losing her ruin her forever, that she had never seen such beautiful eyes in her entire life, that when Maura smiled Jane's heart would flutter, she wanted to tell Maura she loved her. But she couldn't. Not now and not like this.

"Jane" Maura's sleepy voice startled the detective and she looked up as Maura's eyes began to flutter.

"I'm here" she answered immediately and picked up Maura's hand entwining their fingers.

"I'm here sweetie" she smiled as the medical examiners glassy hazel eyes finally opened and she smiled when she saw Jane.

"You came" she mumbled still in a sleepy state from the morphine.

"Of course I came Maur" Jane said running her thumb over Maura's.

"Did I die?" the words were shocking to Jane, she didn't know why Maura would ask such a question.

"No Maura, you didn't" Jane felt the tears spill down her cheeks. "You're right here, you're safe"

"You look like an angel" Maura smiled her eyes struggling to stay open.

"Do I?" Jane laughed softly.

"My head aches" Maura stated "and I can hear the blood rushing through my veins" Jane stared at the honey blonde wondering whether she should go and find a nurse.

"All my love, all my pain" Maura said sleepily her eyes shutting "I can feel it, I can feel…you"

"I can feel you too Maura" Jane said her tears hitting the cold hospital floor, she held on to the doctors hand tightly, afraid to let go.

"Jane" Maura murmured.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Don't…don't leave" Maura's voice was quiet but the words were absolutely clear.

* * *

**Still with me?**

**I have to admit I shed a tear writing this, I wouldn't say it's been fun getting to explore Jane's vulnerable side but it is definitely something interesting.**

**Let me know how you're feeling. More will be coming soon. As always thank you for reading, much love xxx**


	13. Chapter 13

Two days. That's how long Maura had been in hospital. Five days. That's how long Maura had been back at home. She had received a constant stream of flowers, and much to her excitement a gift basket from her biological mother Hope, who had come to the hospital to visit her on both days. Lena had told Jane to expect some fatigue, headaches and reduced concentration from Maura, and that it would take several weeks for her to feel completely normal again. But so far Maura seemed to be getting better by the hour, of course she wasn't at work, she wasn't allowed to be and for once she didn't want to be. "_I can't concentrate on anything for longer than half an hour" _Maura told Jane frustratedly _"I can't possibly be at work, there would be a plethora of half autopsied bodies all over the morgue, not to mention I would probably be passed out from exhaustion" _Jane had just stared at her wide eyed _"I've already rung you in sick Maur…go back to bed" _she had told the doctor who formed a O shape with her mouth before shuffling back to her bed and sleeping until 3 in the afternoon. With such reduced concentration Maura wasn't sure what she could occupy herself doing for the long days she had ahead of her at home, she was lucky she spent a lot of the time sleeping but when she wasn't she had no idea what to do with herself. Her house was a mess from things she started then stopped halfway through. She had tried to push her concentration and do a puzzle but after several minutes she felt dizzy and irritated and in one irritated movement swept the puzzle off the table onto the floor. _Mood swings. _She had reminded herself, are common with post traumatic brain injuries. She was in her room when she heard her front door open, there had been so many people coming and going from her house over the past week she hadn't a clue who it would be. Hope now knew where the spare key was thanks to Angela and so she liked to let herself at her own leisure much to Maura's distaste.

"Maura" a husky voice called out from downstairs.

"Jane?" Maura asked putting down her iPad and making her way out to the staircase.

"No" Jane said "It's Boston PD… put your hands in the air, you're under arrest for being too cute"

Maura had emerged from her room with both her hands held up in surrender and a smug looking grin on her face.

"Oh no" she said coming down the stairs where Jane was waiting for her. She stopped two steps from the bottom and Jane wrapped her arms around the slight woman's waist, lifting her easily and spinning them slowly around 90 degrees before putting Maura down in front of her.

"How are you feeling" Jane asked with a smile, her arms still around the M.E's waist.

"I'm hoping you're going to say good enough"

Maura gave Jane a curious sideways look.

"Why?"

"Because" Jane said with a dismissive shrug.

"Because?" Maura asked.

"Because I want to take you out" Jane said and bit her lip nervously.

"Oh" Maura said looking at Jane cutely.

"So" Jane pushed "How are you feeling?"

"Good enough" Maura replied with a smile and Jane grinned.

"Where are we going?" Maura asked an hour later, sitting in Jane's car as she drove through Boston.

"I don't know" Jane smirked blatantly lying. Maura sat back in contemplation, she had tried asking every single question possible about what Jane had planned for tonight but every time the brunette had simply replied _"I don't know"_. Jane had sat on her bed watching her get ready with a cheeky smirk drawn onto her face. _"Well what should I wear?" _Maura had tried but Jane had just shrugged _"I don't know"_.

"Is this a date detective?" Maura asked looking over at Jane with a smile playing on her face adorably.

"I don't know doctor" Jane smirked and glanced at Maura "is it?"

"You're frustrating, did you know that?" Maura laughed turning her head and looking out the window.

"I did know" Jane grinned "Did you know you look beautiful?"

"Jane" Maura said shyly and looked down at her hands trying to hide her smile.

"What?" Jane asked "It's unbelievably true"

_I love you_ Maura thought, wishing she could say the words aloud. She didn't want to jump to any conclusions but she had sworn she had noticed a change in Jane since her accident, it was like the detective couldn't bare to leave her side. Maura had to force Jane to go to work in the morning, assure her that she would be just fine and remind her that Hope and Angela would be checking on her anyway. But that didn't seem to be enough for Jane, she had still been acting strange like she didn't want anyone else to be around Maura but her. She had barely gone home since Maura had gotten out of hospital, she had bought Jo Friday over to keep the doctor company while she was at work and when she returned from work she treated Maura with the most tender attentiveness. She would place a kiss on Maura's lips or forehead before leaving the room, Maura would catch her staring while she did the most ordinary things like brushing her teeth or eating her dinner. She wanted to ask Jane why. Why are you suddenly treating me like this? But she didn't, she couldn't find the right time nor the words to ask, and then she feared the only reason the detective was treating her so delicately is because she had gotten scared, the sudden terror of Maura's car crash may have only exaggerated her feelings temporarily and as soon as she was better Jane would go back to normal. Maura knew she couldn't keep all these thoughts to herself forever but tonight Jane was taking her out and she was going to forget everything else and just have a good time.

Jane pulled into a car park, turning off the engine and looking over at Maura, who was looking out the window confused as to where they were.

"So I had this idea" Jane said finally "And if you're not into it then I do have a back up"

Maura looked over at Jane inquisitively "Are you going to tell me what it is?"

Jane chewed on her bottom lip nervously and reached over Maura's lap to the glovebox and pulled out a flyer handing it to the doctor.

"You told me last month there was a contemporary art show you wanted to go to, and so I thought even with the attention span of a fly you could still appreciate art" Jane watched Maura stare wide eyed at the flyer in her hand.

"You can look at them for as long as you want and then move on, I figured it might be something suitable"

"Suitable?" Maura looked up at Jane shocked at her choice of words.

"Jane" Maura shook her head in disbelief then looked back down at the flyer.

"This is Marcel Bernard, he's one of the greatest contemporary artists…I didn't even realise you had been listening when I mentioned this"

"So…you want to go in?" Jane said with a smile at Maura's enthusiasm.

"Jane, yes" an excited grin breaking out on the doctors face.

"How did you get tickets? This is a private show" Maura asked still in shock at how well Jane knew her.

"I may or may not have had help from your mother" Jane shot Maura a cheeky look, getting out of the car and walking around opening Maura's door for her.

"My mother? Hope?" Maura asked.

"No, Constance"

"Oh" Maura said baffled that Jane had been in touch with her mother, who she hadn't been in contact with for several months.

"Once I mentioned how much it would mean to you she practically hung up on me to start making phone calls" Jane laughed locking the car behind them and placing a hand on Maura's lower back as they walked towards the entrance of the gallery. Maura's back immediately felt warm at Jane's touch, even through her jacket she felt as if it were burning. It was these small gestures Maura was still trying to wrap her head around, Jane had always opened doors for her and let her go first, but this was different.

Jane handed over the tickets at the door and the security guard who was in a pristine cut black tuxedo checked them off the list, and ushered them in with a welcoming smile.

"I can't believe this" Maura practically squealed with excitement, as they began to wander through the exhibition. The art all had a colourful and vibrant feel to it that much to Jane's shock appealed to her greatly. She had done a small amount of research on this German artist before she had come, knowing that Maura would begin spouting off every bit of information she knew about art and she wanted to be able to keep up, she also knew that if she slipped some of her own googled information in there it would impress Maura. Jane watched as the blonde stopped in front of a skull puking butterflies and stared at it in complete awe. She watched the medical examiners hazel eyes fixate on the piece of art in utter fascination looking at every inch of it, she could almost see the thoughts racing through her brain wondering how it was made.

Jane had spent a lot of time thinking over the past few days since Maura had returned home from the hospital. She'd thought about Casey, she'd thought about Maura, she'd thought about every single aspect of her life from every angle possible, her thoughts had kept her up well into the night as she lay restlessly in Maura's bed. She was exhausted from feeling so conflicted, she was sick of not knowing, and most of all she was annoyed, annoyed at herself for leading such a complicated life. Jane knew she had to move on from Casey, he was gone from her life, they weren't going to work as a couple and if he ever did come back she needed to have let him go. He was an amazing man, kind, thoughtful, the exact type of man her mother would have wanted her to marry. Jane ruminated over their short engagement, she remembered the feeling of relief when he had returned to Afghanistan in amongst all the other emotions she had felt, relief had been the most prominent. The pressure had been lifted off her to answer a yes or a no to marrying him, that shouldn't be how you feel when someone asks you to marry them. _You should just know _Jane had thought, she knew there had been other factors in consideration to her answer but she still should have been able to say yes straight away if she had truly loved him.

Which had then led her on to thinking about Maura, she had no idea what they were doing but it felt right, it felt so right being with her. As cheesy as it sounded Jane had never felt this way with someone before, the best part of her day was waking up and seeing the doctors face, and the worst part of her day was leaving, she found herself constantly checking the time at work hoping it would be close to home time so she could return home and wrap her arms protectively and lovingly around the medical examiner. _You love her Jane, just admit it. You love her. _

"This is incredible" Maura gasped suddenly and Jane bit back a laugh, as the two of them stopped in front of a giant green glass sculpture of a balloon animal.

"It's a balloon animal, Maur"

"But it's amazing" Maura could barely take her eyes off it.

"Did you never get balloon animals at the fair when you were a kid?"

"I didn't go to a lot of fairs" Maura said her eyes wandering over the sculpture.

"Let me guess, you went to a lot of art galleries though" Jane grinned bumping the doctors shoulder lightly.

"How did you know?" Maura turned to Jane curiously.

"Really, Doctor Isles? Maura had already turned back to the sculpture but had quickly spotted something else, letting out an excited gasp before grabbing Jane's hand and dragging her across the room to a huge, wall sized art work of bright splattered colours with the black outline of a woman.

"That's Venus" Maura squealed giving Jane's hand a light squeeze.

"What an incredible take on such a classic"

"Mhm" Jane said tilting her head to the side in confusion.

"Botticell's The Birth of Venus…" Maura sighed "It's so beautiful"

"Yeah" Jane mumbled her head still tilted to the side as she looked at the painting trying to see how it differed from her work in first grade.

"Goddess of lust, beauty, love and sexual rapture" Jane's eyes immediately widened at the doctors last words and she shot her a look.

"Sexual rapture, Maura, really?" Jane whispered "Are we hinting at something?"

Maura shot Jane a playful sideways look bumping their hips together lightly.

"Shh" Maura said before turning back to the artwork, noticing her vision was getting a little blurry.

"Don't shh me" Jane smirked slipping her arm around the doctors small waist and lightly kissing the side of her head.

Maura was instantly distracted from the fuzzy dots in her vision.

"Did you just- "

"Yes I did" Jane answered with a cheeky grin.

"Are you still feeling okay?" she checked. It had been the most asked question since Maura left the hospital doors, sometimes it was asked every few hours, other times when Jane didn't believe her it was asked every 15 minutes.

"I'm fine Jane" Maura said blinking several times until her vision was clear again "I just have a little headache, nothing new" This wasn't a lie.

"Are you sure?" Jane asked "We can go if you want to"

"I don't want to" Maura insisted and Jane couldn't help but smile at the doctors stubbornness.

"There is more" Jane said leaning close to Maura, her voice a whisper. Maura felt a shiver run down her spine as the warmth of Jane's breath touched her skin, she opened her mouth to reply but no words came out.

"I want to take you somewhere else after this" Jane said her lips so close to Maura's neck it was almost unbearable.

"If you're up to it"

"I am" Maura said turning around so her face was only inches from Jane's, the two of them gazed at each other forgetting that they were in a gallery, forgetting that anyone else around them existed.

* * *

When the two of them got back into Jane's car after leaving the exhibition it was dark outside, Maura looked over at Jane adoringly.

"Thank you" she said softly.

"For what?" Jane smiled starting the car.

"For taking me here" Maura said "for being…you"

Jane glanced at Maura quickly, wondering if even in the dimly lit car the doctor could see her blush.

"Well, I'm not sure I know how to be anyone else"

"You're…" Maura's voice trailed off unable to finish her sentence, not knowing what conversation it would lead into.

"I'm what?"

_Different. Different around me._

"Nothing" Maura said shaking her head "Doesn't matter"

Jane gave her a curious look before letting it go and turning back to the road. She wanted to know what Maura had been going to say but she wasn't going to push her.

"So are you going to make me guess where we're going again?" Maura asked.

"I didn't make you guess Doctor Isles" Jane smirked "You didn't _stop_ guessing"

"Oh gosh" Maura said in realisation "I guess that was a little out of character wasn't it"

Jane couldn't help but laugh "No one's gonna arrest you for acting out of character Maur"

"Guessing is so- "

"Reckless" Jane finished with a smirk "I know, I thought I'd take you somewhere I used to love going as a kid"

Maura looked over at Jane with a bright smile.

"Really?" Jane nodded.

"I think you'll like it" Jane pulled into a car park, it was so dark that Maura had lost track of where they had been going, she squinted out the window trying to read the letters on the sign that wasn't too far from the car, but her eyes still felt fuzzy and her head hurt so she gave up and got out of the car. The night air was piercingly cold and Maura was grateful she had her coat on, Jane came around to her side of the car and slipped her hand into the doctors, giving it a light squeeze.

"Before we go" Jane said stopping Maura as she tried to start walking "We have to do one thing first"

"What?" Maura asked and Jane looked over her shoulder at the food truck that was parked on the other side of the car park.

"Crepes" Jane grinned and Maura laughed.

"I like that idea"

After the two of them ordered chocolate crepes and Jane claiming it qualified as dinner she started leading Maura to the entrance of the botanical gardens.

"I used to come here a lot as a kid" Jane said as they began to walk and eat. "Just by myself ya know, to get away from my brothers…my _mother_" Jane laughed slightly and looked at Maura's whose eyes were wandering the gardens in pure joy.

"I came here too" Maura spoke softly in amazement "When I first moved to Boston, I found it strangely peaceful here, I don't know why I stopped coming"

Jane looked at Maura in surprise that they had just found out something about each other they had never known.

"I don't remember why I did either" Jane shrugged taking a bite of her crepe, enjoying the warmth of the sweet chocolate as it went down her throat.

"I used to sit by the fountain in the middle" Jane reminisced walking closely to Maura, their shoulders touching, the sound of their shoes crunching on gravelly path that was lit softly by the warm yellow street lamps that were scattered throughout the gardens. Maura looked at Jane willing her to go on, she didn't often get to hear about Jane's childhood sometimes she asked but the detective would just shrug and not go into much detail.

"I would just sit on the edge of the fountain and think about everything that was bothering me, and I'd think and I'd think until I couldn't remember what I had been worried about in the first place, my mind would go blank and I'd just stare at the water, listen to the sound of it falling and everything would feel okay again" Jane explained staring into the distance as she spoke without hesitation about her childhood.

"I think that's beautiful" Maura said quietly and Jane looked at her with a funny smile.

"Maura" she said "Seriously, I was just being an angsty kid"

"Yeah" Maura said a small laugh escaping her lips "And I still think it's beautiful, you have a beautiful mind"

"If anyone here has a beautiful mind it's _you_ Doctor Isles" Jane stated watching Maura devouring her crepe. _God, why does she have to look so cute doing everything _Jane thought. The two of them continued walking, a tranquil silence falling between them as they breathed in the crisp night air and enjoyed the silent company of one another, that was all Maura needed in that moment, she could feel Jane next to her, hear her shoes crunching on the gravel, the soft sound of her breath, her heart felt warm when Jane was around. They stopped in front of the fountain and Jane looked up at it letting out a deep sigh.

"Hello old friend" she greeted it quietly, and Maura giggled, she didn't mean to but it tumbled off her lips before she could stop it. Jane looked over at her with an eyebrow lifted.

"What?"

"Nothing" Maura said quickly suppressing her smile by biting her lips "It's just you told me off for speaking to a shoe and now you're going to have a catch up with a fountain"

Jane rolled her eyes grinning, slipping her arms around the doctor and pulling her against herself tightly so she was stuck.

"I should be the one giggling at you Doctor Isles, because you have chocolate around your mouth" Jane said, Maura looking up at her with an adorable unconcerned look on her face.

"You don't care?" Jane asked the smile on her face lingered as she lifted an eyebrow but Maura just giggled again, and she slipped her arms around the detectives neck.

"You're such a goofball" Jane laughed and Maura just looked at her smitten, absolutely captivated by the brunette's smiling face. Jane smirked at the doctor's adoring eyes looking at her and leaned in kissing the corner of Maura's mouth where the chocolate was, her tongue lightly licking it away. She was about to pull away but Maura moved faster, moving her head the slightest amount and so Jane's lips ended up on her own. Jane smiled happily pulling the medical examiner closer and holding her warm body against her own, tasting the sweetness of Maura's lips. Enthralled by her touch Maura kissed her devotedly, losing herself in a whirlwind of lust. _I love you. I love you. I love you. _Those three little words rolled around her head ready to be said out loud, ready for the world to hear, but she wasn't ready for Jane to hear them. When their lips parted they both gazed at each other for several seconds before Maura looked up at the sky, seeing an entire sky full of stars.

"Can I make a request?" she asked looking back at Jane.

"Of course" Jane said her voice thick and husky.

"Will you lie under the stars with me, just for a while" she asked hopefully and Jane smiled.

"I will do anything for you Maura" she said placing a kiss ever so softly on Maura's stitches in her head.

"Anything" she repeated.

* * *

**Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed the chapter... I see it as a bit of calm in the eye of the storm ;)**

**Let me know what you think as always! I'm always excited to see your thoughts and feelings.**

**I also just wanted to clear a couple of things up, there was a bit of confusion as to the order of the episodes after Tears of a Clown, to clear that up I'm not going off the episodes I'm only using parts of them but that's it. I didn't like the way 4x13 ended so I started off by rewriting it, then it turned into more than a one shot so I carried out a few of the events that happened but other than that I'm writing it the way I wanted the season to end :)**

**Another thing is more just something I needed to say, emotions are tough and complicated. I've got to admit in writing these two women's thoughts it makes me exhausted. But deciding whether to do something or not in terms of overstepping boundaries is something that can really consume a person. I'm just saying this because I know that these chapters have been heavily contented with Jane and Maura's inner conflicts with their emotions and it does seem like they're not getting anywhere, it can take a long time to work up the courage to do something that could potentially cause a lot of damage. **

**Also I've seen a couple of pregnancy rumours? Hmm...**

**Sorry for the crazy long note, please keep reading, the drama is really about to heat up now!**

**Much love xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

Maura sat at the kitchen counter the next morning, the golden glow of the morning sunshine pouring through the window and spilling across the the kitchen. She sat with her head in her hands, her bleary eyes fixated on the newspaper but the print was blurring together making it impossible for her to read. She had woken with a heavy headache after a disturbed night of barely any sleep, she had felt fine when they had returned home, it had only been in the early hours of the morning that she was woken with thumping headache and dizziness that made her feel as if she were about to vomit. Maura knew Jane wouldn't go to work if she was visibly showing signs of post concussion, so when Jane had gotten up that morning had Maura too, she had made them coffee and smiled and told Jane she would manage when the detective asked _"Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself today?"_Angela was at work today and so was Hope, so Maura really was going to be by herself all day until the detective returned home late this evening, Jane's concerned eyes had searched Maura's face as Maura gave a small nod, the headache rattling in her brain with even the slightest movement. _"Call me if you need _anything" Jane had told her before kissing her once lightly on the forehead and then on the lips, before she left. "_I mean it Maur" _she had stopped halfway out the door.

"_Anything."_

Maura's neck ached from being hunched forward for so long, she had been seeing a chiropractor for two hours every second day since she had gotten out of hospital, even such a small accident could cause a massive amount of damage to her fragile body. Her back and neck were often feeling stiff and sore and that was doing nothing to help her throbbing head. _Distract yourself _Maura told herself. _Think of something nice. _

Of course the first thing Maura thought of was her and Jane's first unofficial date last night, how they had almost fallen asleep under the stars, Jane's arms around her protectively holding her close, keeping her warm, making her feel safe. She was safe with Jane, she felt less scared that something would happen. It wasn't like Maura to be scared of pain, she was a doctor, she knew what was causing it and why, but _this _pain, the constant aching and pounding of her head and muscles ever since she and returned from hospital was scaring her. She felt pathetic she couldn't handle being by herself, she never thought she would ever be so reliant on someone but lately she found she hated being without Jane. It wasn't just because she loved the detective it was because with Jane's arms around her and the sound of her comforting husky voice she felt safe, that if anything happened Jane would be there to help her, to fix it. Jane was like home for Maura.

Slowly getting up from the counter she decided to go back upstairs and try to have a nap, her eyelids felt heavy from the lack of sleep and she knew it was incredibly bad for a person not to get the average amount of hours a night. But as she stood on her own two feet with nothing supporting her she felt wobbly, her muscles felt weak like they couldn't hold her and her head immediately went fuzzy, black dots appearing round the edge of her vision. She could feel the blood rushing through her veins. Her head felt light and a heavy fatigue settled over her body. Quickly reaching out to grip the side of the counter Maura steadied herself, her heart pounding with fear she was all alone in her big house. _Call me if you need anything. _Jane's words were the only clear thought Maura could have. _Anything. _She hated the idea of being so weak she couldn't handle a dizzy patch by herself, but swallowing her pride she found herself reaching for her phone.

"Maura, what is it?" Jane answered almost instantly.

"I'm just…" words fell over each other in a jumble in Maura's head, she couldn't think straight. She could barely think at all.

"I'm dizzy" she mumbled quietly everything around her slowly becoming harder to see.

"Okay, okay" Jane said concern growing in her voice "Are you sitting down?"

"Jane…" Maura said

"Maur, I'm coming" Jane said, she knew something was wrong in Maura's tone, she sounded almost as if she was about to pass out. Grabbing her keys off her desk she yelled out to Korsak before sprinting out the doors towards her car.

"Stay on the phone Maur, keep talking to me" Jane instructed her.

"Kay.." Maura mumbled. Jane was kicking herself, she knew she shouldn't have left Maura all by herself today, Lena had said it would take several weeks for her to start feeling better at the least, she would easily still experiencing symptoms of concussion.

Maura struggled to hold her eyes open, everything rapidly becoming darker. She needed to lay down, that much she could think of. Releasing her grip on the counter she determinedly took a step towards the couch, one, two, three. She stopped, catching herself as she felt the ground beneath her spin.

"Maur?" Jane's voice was calling down the phone but she was too tired to reply, she took another step but everything went black before her foot touched the ground again.

"Maura?" Jane's heart stopped as she heard a clatter on the other end of the line. When Maura didn't reply Jane felt every muscle in her body tense.

"Maura!" she shouted down the phone but there was nothing.

"Fuck" she exclaimed, she was only a minute away from the doctors house now so she dropped her phone onto the seat next to her and gripped the wheel with both hands holding it so tightly her knuckles went white.

Crashing through the door Jane's eyes frantically searched every available space she could see before running into the kitchen and seeing Maura on the floor halfway to the couch.

"Oh my god"

Jane's heart was beating a million miles a minute, her hands were shaking and she could hear her heart beating in her ears. Collapsing down beside Maura she rolled the medical examiner into the recovery position, checking her pulse as she pulled out her phone dialling 911.

"I need an ambulance now" Jane heard herself shouting down the phone. She wrapped her arms around the doctors shoulders, stroking her honey blonde hair.

"I'm here Maur, you're gonna be okay" Jane whispered not even noticing the flood of tears that were falling like raindrops onto Maura's bare arms. Jane struggled to place the order of what happened next, the medics burst into Maura's house, she was on a stretcher and in the ambulance with people talking all kinds of google speak Jane couldn't keep up with, they asked her questions and she told them about the accident barely hearing herself speaking, then they were plugging her into oxygen and put an IV drip into her arm.

"What's happening" the words left Jane's mouth but she wasn't sure if anyone even heard them. Fear coursed through her veins, along side the regret and anger she had for not staying home with Maura today, _this wouldn't have happened if I had been there_ Jane wanted to ram her head into a wall for being such an idiot. She had known Maura had a restless night, she had just felt the doctor was awake next to her staring up at the ceiling not wanting to move, afraid of the pain, waiting, just waiting for the sun to come up. She had never known Maura to be scared of pain before but over the past few days she had begun to attach herself firmly to Jane not wanting the detective to be far from her ever, whether she verbally admitted it or not Jane could see the hesitation in Maura's eyes and her voice as she told Jane to go to work every morning. And now this had happened, in result of both of them being too stubborn.

"She's gonna be okay right?" Jane asked frantically looking between the medics who were too busy focusing on Maura to even notice Jane was speaking

"Tell me she's gonna be okay?"

"Ma'am I'm gonna have to ask you to sit back" one of them said as Jane moved forward trying to get closer to Maura.

What seemed like an impossibly long journey to the hospital finally came to an end, the medics lifted Maura out of the ambulance on the stretcher and began running her through the emergency doors. Jane ran along behind them, tears still falling down her face. She was terrified. Running down the hospital corridor alongside a stretcher with her loved one on it was a cliched scene that she had never once imagined would ever happen to her. A doctor in a white coat and a nurse in blue scrubs appeared alongside the stretcher, the medic handing the doctor the clipboard and talking too fast for Jane.

"Get her to neuro-trauma now and do a CT" the doctor suddenly barked throwing her arm out towards the next set of doors that were coming up. As they disappeared through the doors the nurse stepped in front of Jane to stop her from following them.

"You can't go through there I'm sorry" she said holding her hands out in front of Jane.

"W-what's happening" Jane whimpered running both her hands through her hair in distress as she felt herself beginning to break down, her legs feeling weak underneath her, her heart hurting at the thought of what could happen, and her head pounding from all her racing thoughts.

"Hey" the nurse said softly "We're going to do everything we can okay? Come here" she took Jane by the arm guiding her through to a seated area and sat down next to her, a hand comfortingly on her knee.

"We're going to to do everything we can, I promise you" the nurse repeated and Jane just nodded, choked up from tears.

"Can you tell me if she was showing signs of any unusual symptoms?" she asked and Jane nodded again, they were going to help her. Whatever happened they were going to help her, and save her. They had to.

"Sh-she was nauseous a lot" Jane recalled "She called me and told me she was d-dizzy, she s-sounded like she was tired"

"Difficulty talking?" the nurse asked and Jane nodded vigorously. "Okay, anything else?"

"She always and headaches" Jane said finally getting her sobbing under control.

"She wasn't sleeping, she complained of having a sore neck and wanting to vomit, but Lena said that was to be expected after the accident" Jane frowned in confusion.

"That's great, very helpful thank you- "

"Jane"

The nurse smiled trying to comfort the detective.

"Okay, I need you to listen Jane, what's happening to her is called cerebral edema, our neurosurgeons are going to do an MRI just to be sure, but what that means is the pressure inside her skull is rising…"

"Like brain swelling?" Jane asked, she had heard Maura asking Lena about it when she had been in hospital earlier.

"Yes, exactly" the nurse nodded, her fierce blue eyes looking directly at Jane.

"It's common to happen after an accident- "

"Is it bad?" Jane cut off the nurse her brow furrowed.

"It's…it's not good Jane"

"She can't die, please don't let her die"

"We're going to do everything we can"

"She can't die" Jane whispered. _She can't._

* * *

A strange pain made Jane wake from her sleep, as she opened her eyes slowly everything came rushing back to her. Maura. The ambulance. The nurse. Her tears. She had fallen asleep in the chair in the waiting room where the nurse Rebecca had deposited her several hours earlier, her neck ached from being on an awkward angle for so long. Rubbing it gently Jane looked up at the clock staring blankly at the second hand as it ticked around, slowly, torturing her. There hadn't been much word on Maura, Rebecca had come back 45 minutes later with the neurosurgeon Dr Fitzroy who had informed her they needed to perform an emergency surgery to "shunt the fluid out of her brain and relieve the pressure that caused the swelling when she fell" and since then there had been nothing. Not a word. Nothing. Jane sat in agony. She had called her Ma as soon as Rebecca had left her side, sobbing down the phone hysterically repeating how much she couldn't let Maura die. But as soon as Angela had said she was coming in Jane had immediately said no. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate her mothers willingness to come and be with her and support her and Maura through this, it's just no one knew that her and the doctor had become so involved, and that was not a conversation she wanted to deal with having in an hospital waiting room.

"I'll call you when there's news Ma, okay" she had said and her mother, unconvinced had agreed. Jane wanted to be by herself right now, she wanted to punish herself in the agony of waiting, and waiting alone for being such an idiot and leaving Maura's side. For being an idiot and not telling the woman she loved, those three words just once. _If she dies she'll die not knowing I loved her _Jane thought with tears cascading down her face, she didn't know how she would live with herself if Maura didn't make it.

After what felt like an eternity of waiting Doctor Fitzroy emerged through the double doors with a blank look on his face that Jane couldn't possibly decipher as good or bad.

"Well?" she said leaping to her feet immediately, her heart began pounding _this was it._

"Jane" he said his voice was deadpan. She stared at him with wide eyes, hearing her heart beat in her ears and the clock ticking on the wall behind them.

"She's fine" he said a smile cracking on his face "She's going to make a full recovery"

"Oh my god" Jane felt her eyes welling up with tears again as relief flooded through her heart and veins, an overwhelming happiness filling her entire being.

"There was no damage done" he explained "you got her here just in time, when she collapsed it was most likely just from the dizziness and her post concussion, but when she hit her head her brain started swelling, thankfully you were there and it didn't develop into a serious cerebral edema, which could have been life threatening"

"I saved her?" Jane asked baffled.

"You did, Jane, she definitely owes you now" he said with a light chuckle and Jane wondered if that was meant to be a joke.

"We have her on oxygen and an IV, we'll put her on some different medications when she's discharged which will hopefully speed up her recovery and lessen the headaches she's been having"

"Can I see her?" the words fell from Jane's lips as soon as he had finished talking.

"Of course" he said with a warm smile and led the eager detective to the head trauma wing and stopped outside Maura's door.

"If you have any questions please contact me" he said and placed a empathetic hand on Jane's shoulder.

"She's lucky to have you Jane" he said before turning to walk away.

"Thank you" Jane called out after him "Thank you for saving her…I owe you"

Doctor Fitzroy turned around and smiled humorously and gave a playful bow. The smile on Jane's face couldn't be contained, she turned back to the closed door and took a deep breath before pushing it open. Again she hadn't been sure what to expect, she never thought she would have to deal with seeing Maura in a hospital bed more than once in her life. But this time as she walked in a pair of gorgeous hazel eyes greeted her.

"Jane" Maura's voice trembled when she saw the detective.

"Hi sweetie" Jane said unable to stop her eyes from filling with tears at the sight of Maura being alive and breathing. Jane was frozen in place, her eyes furiously studying the blonde making sure everything was definitely still okay. She had an oxygen tube in her nose, and a IV drip in her right arm with tubes and cords hooked over a stand that was next to the bed, her face was pale and her lips looked chapped. But she was fine. She was breathing. She was speaking. There were tears falling down her cheeks as she looked at Jane.

"Jane" Maura said again softly her voice broken from the tears.

"I'm here" Jane said soothingly, instantly un-grounding her feet and moving Maura's bedside, a pair of hazel eyes following her every move.

"I'm right here baby" she took Maura's delicate hand in hers and kissed it several times.

"Jane…they s-shaved my hair" Maura whimpered tears still falling down her face.

"What?" Jane asked her eyes scanned over Maura's honey blonde hair.

"Where?"

"T-the back" Maura said with a wounded pout.

"Oh honey" Jane said not being able to help the small smile that was creeping onto her face at Maura's grievance over her hair above all other things.

"Well that's the good thing about hair, it grows back" she said leaning forward and kissing the doctors forehead softly, the feel of Maura's warm skin against her lips made her heart flutter.

"I'm sorry" Maura whispered lifting her hand up and placing it over Jane's heart as the detective kissed her forehead.

"No, no Maur, it's my fault I should never have left you" Jane frowned pulling back slightly so she could look at Maura's face. She wanted to look at that face everyday for the rest of her life. She could look at it forever, and never get it tired of it.

"No" Maura said "I mean, I'm sorry I scared you" her hand still lingered over Jane's heart and she played with the fabric of the brunettes t-shirt between her fingers.

"I-I know that you care" Maura gave a tiny shrug, her eyes glistening with tears. Jane stared at her, feeling the warmth of the doctors hand flowing through the fabric of her top, burning her skin and touching her heart.

"I can see it…" she continued her hazel eyes focused solely on Jane's.

"I see it in the way you stare, and I know it's always been there but I'm s-still sorry I scared you" Maura said and tore her eyes away from Jane's as another few tears fell down her face. She let her hand drop back down onto the bed only for Jane to pick it up again and kiss it, before holding it close to her.

"Maur" she said tenderly and the medical examiners eyes finally lifted "It's okay" she said.

"You're okay, I'm okay, its-it's going to be okay"

The words served not only to reassure Maura, but to reassure Jane as well. They were going to be okay. She had to believe it.

"I'm sorry I need you so much" Maura said quietly her eyes wet with tears.

"I just, I'm scared without you" a small feeling of relief was lifted from Maura's chest as the words left her mouth and filled the room around them. Jane's dark eyes were filled with a deep affection and she slid up onto the bed with Maura, gently and very carefully not to disturb any of the tubes or strange remotes and buttons that surrounded them. She slipped her arms around Maura's frail body and held her close.

"You don't need to be scared" she said the feeling of Maura in her arms again sent a warm energy flooding through her body.

"You're home" she whispered "I'm not going anywhere"

Maura rested her head comfortably on Jane's chest, those consoling arms around her immediately making her feel untouchable. Jane listened to the sound of Maura breathing her fast quick breaths slowly becoming less rapid, she began to take longer and deeper breaths and Jane knew she must be falling asleep. She missed those beautiful hazel eyes looking at her already. But Maura was in her arms, and she was okay. Nothing could hurt them. Nothing could touch them right now. Yet Maura still clung to Jane in her last state of wakefulness, like a final breath you would breathe. Scared of what was to come, unwilling to ever let go.

* * *

**Hey team! I think this is the longest you've had to wait for an update, which makes me feel terrible but here it is! I'm sorry I couldn't get this up sooner, I have a multitude of shit going on in my life right now and I fell asleep before I even wrote three words last night, apparently I couldn't handle these ladies emotions on top of my own...big apologies!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a bit of a roller coaster and I smashed it out in a couple of hours so if there's any grammar/spelling errors I'll fix them shortly. **

**Let me know how you're feeling after this... ****I may or may not admit to a tear or two falling when I wrote this (is that even acceptable to cry at your own writing)**

**Thank you for all the support. Another update should be coming soon so hang in there. Much love xx**


	15. Chapter 15

"My god it's fucking cold as a bitch out" Jane exclaimed bursting through the front door back into Maura's house clutching far too many bags of groceries after her mother's shrill voice had screamed out _"Jane Rizzoli come down here now and help your mother with these bags" _The nights had suddenly taken a cold plummet, winter was right around the corner and everyone could feel it. Jane was immediately greeted with Maura's raised eyebrow of disapproval at her choice of language and straight away the detective bit her lip feeling like a guilty school kid.

"I can count several things wrong with that sentence" Maura said folding her arms across her chest. Jane remained frozen in place holding onto the grocery bags tightly.

"Should I go back out and try again?" Jane asked half seriously. A smile broke out on the doctors face and she stepped forward taking an armload off Jane and kissing her cheek.

"No, I don't want you to get cold" she said and Jane grinned.

"But I can think of ways you could help me warm up…"

Maura laughed softly, hazel and brown eyes locking together.

"Your family is here" Maura reminded her and Jane frowned.

"Then send them home, it was your idea anyway to host my crazy Rizzoli Sunday family dinner" Jane sighed looking at Maura closely.

"Are you sure you're even- "

"Don't you dare ask me if I'm up to it" Maura returned Jane's frown in frustration.

"It's been over three weeks Jane, and I'm going back to work tomorrow"

"I know" Jane said "I know, I'm just making sure"

"Well stop" Maura gave her a reassuring smile "You're okay, I'm okay, it's okay right?"

Those seven words had become their mantra over the past few weeks, constantly in need of reassurance that everything was okay the two of them would repeat those words to each other until they both believed it.

"Yeah" Jane said quietly "It's okay"

Putting the bags of groceries down in the kitchen Angela quickly shooed both of them out of the kitchen.

"Are you sure I can't help?" Maura asked hovering near the counter but Angela just shook her head furiously.

"No, no" she said "Just go and sit down Maura, everything's covered in here"

"You sure Ma?" Jane had asked but her mother had just looked back up at Maura and pointed at Jane.

"Take her with you too, I don't need her in her making more mess than necessary"

"Ma!" Jane had exclaimed but Maura had just laughed and taken Jane by the arm and led her over to the couch where all the boys were watching a game. Frost and Korsak had been invited to tonights dinner on the request of Maura, it was the first dinner she had hosted in far too long and she wanted to see all the familiar faces she had been missing out on for the past month. She had begun to miss her work terribly and could barely wait for tomorrow when she could get up and return to her usual routine as if nothing had happened. All the stitches were out of her head now and she looked basically normal except for the small patch of hair that was still missing from the back of her head, which now had a long red scar in residency. She could easily cover up the patch by french braiding her hair or strategically placing it when it was left out.

Jane fell down onto the couch next to Frankie and patted the spot next to her encouraging Maura to sit down. The medical examiner sat down hesitantly, they two of them were still cautious about how much affection they showed towards each other in front of other people, but as soon as she sat down Jane pulled the doctors legs over her lap and gave them a small rub. Maura's eyes flittered around the room but all of the boys were too busy watching the game to even notice that the two of them had sat down.

"I still think I should be helping Angela" Maura said biting her lip feeling like a visitor in her own home, always being told to sit down or rest having everyone do everything for her in her house.

"Maur, if you go back in there she will chase you out with a wooden spoon" Jane laughed and Maura couldn't help but smile.

Jane felt the medical examiner relax back into the couch, her clear hazel eyes drifting over the TV pretending to be watching, Jane knew there was something on her mind that wasn't just Angela kicking them out of the kitchen either, something had been sitting heavy on the doctors mind for some time now. Jane would constantly ask Maura whether she was okay to the point that she felt like she was irritating her, but Maura would never bring it up not willingly so Jane didn't push it. She wanted Maura to tell her everything but she knew the doctor was a reserved person, she had always kept everything to herself and dealt with everything herself all her life, it was only until Jane had come along and broken those walls down that Maura had begun to freely tell her what was bothering her. Jane had taken many days off work to stay home with Maura and she was amazed to see how much stronger the doctor was growing everyday, she was slowly going back to being Chief Medical Examiner Maura as opposed to Head Trauma Maura. The blonde still clung to Jane at night, troubling dreams that Jane couldn't fix would wear on her heavily, her sleep still disturbed now and then Jane would wake up to Maura's trembling breath and pull her into her loving arms. Jane knew Maura was scared that the pain was going to come back, and she was scared she was going to lose to the pain. The medication she had been on worked wonders during the day but at night Maura would crumble.

"_Please don't close your eyes" _Maura had asked her in the middle of the night when they were both awake, Jane's eyes had been growing heavier desperate to sleep but she didn't want to close them, face the darkness of her eyelids instead of Maura's hazel eyes.

"_I don't know where to look without them" _Maura had whispered and Jane had smiled.

_"I'm going to be awake for as long as you are Maur" _she had reassured the anxious blonde in her arms. Since that night everything was getting better, everything seemed to be going back to normal Maura was even sleeping through most of the nights, there was only one thing that hung over both of their heads, that sat in the back of the room when there were other people around, that chewed on their minds that neither one of them had the guts to bring up.

Jane looked over at Maura who had distracted herself with something fascinating on her iPad that was causing a deep crease in her forehead.

"Whatcha looking at?" Jane asked giving Maura's leg a light tap.

"Shoes" Maura said without looking up and Jane almost laughed. No one took shoe shopping as seriously as Maura Isles.

"Really Maur? You look like you're trying to decipher morse code and all you're doing is shoe shopping?"

"Actually morse code is fairly simple" Maura said looking up at Jane with a light shrug.

"Shoes on the other hand, are a little harder"

Jane laughed and took a sip of the beer she had stolen off her brother, she found it strange that it didn't seem to taste as good to her as it usually did.

"Okay, show me" Jane said putting the beer down turning all her attention to Maura, who hesitantly frowned before turning the iPad around and handing it to Jane.

"I can't tell whether I like the venetian red slingbacks or the cobalt blue kitten heels" Maura sighed stretching her arms up.

"They're both so different you really can't compare them, I might just get them both"

Jane looked at the two shoes and tried to imagine what critical thinking Maura did to just decide on shoes.

"I like the red ones" Jane said and handed the iPad back to her.

"Did you just say something helpful?" Maura's eyes widened and Jane hit her legs playfully.

"Hey, be nice"

Maura smirked and looked back at the screen biting the corner of her lip.

"I just think if you're going to wear heels then _wear heels_ not like those little half things" Jane shrugged and Maura looked at her in complete shock.

"What?" Jane asked "I can talk about shoes too, I do have a vagina"

At the mention of the word all the boys looked around at her and Jane lifted an eyebrow, not noticing Maura's cheeks going a shade of light pink.

"Okay kids, dinners ready" Angela's voice boomed through the room and everyone was suddenly up herding towards the table. Jane pushed Maura's legs off her getting up then holding out both her hands to pull the medical examiner off the couch. Jane wanted to kiss her as she pulled her up, her honey blonde hair was in a messy braid from lounging around all day and she didn't have much make up on making her hazel eyes look wide and childlike. She was also only in loose white yoga pants and a grey top with the sleeves pushed up past her elbows, Jane loved it when Maura wore casual clothes, she loved the way Maura put so much thought into her outfits everyday but there was something about seeing Maura in such comfortable home clothes that just made her want to pull her close.

Her hand slipped down to Maura's lower back as they walked over to the table, Jane pulled out a chair for Maura then sat down herself as Angela filled the table with food.

The sound of everyone's excitement over dinner filled the room and Maura took a minute to appreciate the sound of having a full house. It was something she never got to experience a lot growing up, it was always just her and her parents if she was lucky, a lot of the time they were busy and she would eat with her nanny or whoever was looking after her at the time and when she got old enough she would just eat by herself, the only sound was the cutlery hitting the plate and her thoughts racing around her head.

Looking around the table right now she saw so many of the people that she cared about, that she was really grateful to have in her life. She felt content. And even more than that she felt loved. Jane was right next to her and although things were still complicated between the two of them she didn't feel alone, she could feel the detectives warmth right next to her.

"I'd like to make a toast" Angela said holding up her glass of wine and everyone fell silent.

"To Maura" she began "Who has recently been to hell and back and she's still here getting stronger everyday, you're a fighter Maura, and we're proud of you" Angela said smiling warmly at Maura holding her glass up.

"To Maura" she said.

"To Maura" everyone else chimed in holding their glasses up as well. Maura felt a rush of heat flooding through her body as everyone looked at her with smiles on their faces and warmth in their hearts.

"To you" Jane said leaning in close to Maura, her breath hot and heavy on Maura's neck.

"The strongest person I know"

Maura looked at Jane and as their eyes found each other everyone at the table fell silent. Jane was the one to tear her eyes off Maura's and quickly distract herself with the food in front of them all.

"Let's eat" she declared and Tommy voiced his hearty agreement. As Jane looked around the table everything smelled amazing, and looked amazing too but she couldn't help but feel slightly squiffy about the food, all she desperately wanted was Maura's ravioli.

* * *

After dinner the boys all went back into the living room to watch the end of the game and Jane started helping her mother clear the table.

"I should make a start on the dishes" Maura said and started to slowly get up from the table.

"No no no, Maur it's fine, I'll do them" Jane said dashing to Maura's side pulling the chair out for her and giving her a cute smile.

"Jane" Maura shot her a look trying not to give in to the adorable smile "I can manage"

"No she's right honey" Angela called out "You just rest, Jane and I can clean up"

Jane nodded in agreement with her mother for once.

"C'mon Maur, save your energy for tomorrow" her hand ran softly up and down Maura's arm and finally the doctor gave in, letting out a defeated sigh she glanced at Jane having to physically stop herself from leaning in and kissing the detective for being so good to her.

"I'll be in the living room then" she said "buying shoes"

Jane chuckled and watched her walk out before turning back to the mess in the kitchen.

"Jesus Ma" she sighed stacking up the plates and taking them in to where her mother was loading the dishwasher.

"You know how to make a mess"

"Yeah and for what? You hardly touched your food" Angela pouted.

"Ma" Jane frowned, but Angela just kept stacking the dishes not looking up.

"Is there something going on between you and Maura? Angela finally said after she'd closed the dishwasher and turned it on, she looked at Jane directly and Jane's eyes widened slightly in shock.

"What?"

"Are you two okay? You've been acting strange around each other for weeks now" Angela continued questioning.

"She had a head trauma, Ma" Jane reminded her but Angela just shook her head.

"Even before that" she said "You two were…I don't know, something was different"

_She knows _Jane thought. _She knows everything. She always does. A word never has to be spoken and she will still know. _

"I don't know what you're talking about" Jane shrugged and tried to look away but her mother just smiled.

"Janie, I'm not going to judge you on who you love, love has no gender" she said and Jane immediately turned back to her her brown eyes wide and her mouth hanging open.

"N-no one said anything about love, Ma" she said her brow furrowing with frustration at how her mother was so easily figuring this out. She was a detective she was meant to be able to exude an blank and unreadable front, but clearly that didn't work on her mother.

"And you don't have to Jane, I can see it" Angela said with a ecstatic grin "I'm just happy you've finally let someone in…and she had a PHD too"

"Ma" Jane whined "Stop"

But Angela didn't, she pulled her daughter into a tight hug and kissed the side of her head.

"I love you Janie" she said and Jane sighed, there was nothing she could do or say, no possible lie in the world that was going to convince her mother otherwise now.

"I love you too Ma" Jane said squirming her way out of her mother's bear hug.

* * *

When Jane returned back into the living room Maura wasn't there, she looked around the room confused all the guys were still there finishing off their beers and discussing the game.

"Where's Maura?" Jane asked and they turned to her and shrugged.

"Haven't seen her" Korsak said "I should be heading off in a minute anyway, thanks for having me over"

"Yeah me too" Frost agreed

"He's giving me and Tommy a ride" Frankie added and Jane just nodded. She didn't care. She wanted to find Maura. She gave her brothers a hug goodbye and then disappeared out of the room and dashed up the stairs to Maura's room, pushing the door open and seeing Maura on the floor through the doors into her yoga room. Taking her shoes off then collapsing down beside the stretching doctor Jane let out a loud groan.

"She knows"

"Who knows what?" Maura asked from her comfortable position in childs pose.

"My mother _knows_"

"Oh" Maura said sitting up and looking at Jane.

"Are you…um…is she- " Maura couldn't seem to find the right words.

"She doesn't care, but she'll probably be more annoying then ever" Jane said laying on the floor and looking at Maura.

"I'm sorry"

"No it's okay" Maura said "I'm sorry I disappeared from downstairs…it was just a little too loud"

Jane grinned "I told you not to invite so many boys"

The two of them looked at each other in silence, but something about Maura's gaze was distant.

"Are you okay?" Jane asked "Do you want me to stay the night?"

"I didn't know you not staying here was an option" Maura smirked.

"Well everyone's leaving so if you want to go to bed I'd be happy to join you" Jane said and Maura leaned down placing a kiss on Jane's lips her hand running over Jane's stomach that was pleasantly full from dinner, although Maura noticed it was slightly firmer than it should possibly have been, but she paid no attention she was distracted by Jane's lips.

As Jane got ready for bed in Maura's bathroom after the doctor had finished her somewhat extravagant night routine, she felt a strange headache nudge the back of her head and as she brushed her teeth she studied herself in the mirror, had she put on weight from not going for runs everyday? _Goddamn_ she thought. It was only when she went to the toilet and noticed the tiniest spot of blood on her underwear that her heart suddenly began to race, she frantically counted the weeks before leaping off the toilet and glaring at her reflection. _No._ No.

Maura watched as Jane slipped back into the room from the bathroom, she had taken an unusually long amount of time for someone who usually just brushes her teeth at night. Jane submerged herself in the bed pulling the covers up around her and looked up at the ceiling. Maura wondered what was suddenly bothering the detective, she knew it wasn't nothing because Jane didn't look at her once.

"Jane" Maura said softly, cautiously.

"Are you…"

"I'm fine" Jane said looking over at Maura finally with a quick smile, but it wasn't fine. It wasn't even okay. There was trouble behind those dark brown eyes Maura could see it in the way the detective stared at her, it was almost a look of warning.

There was trouble ahead, Maura could feel it and Jane was just saving herself as she hid it.

* * *

**Uh oh... **

**How are you all feeling? What are your thoughts?**

**You did ask for more drama. I told you to be careful what you wished for ;)**

**I hope you're all still with me. ****A bit of random information, I've been constantly listening to 'I Know You Care' by Ellie Goulding as inspiration if you couldn't already tell, to me it kind of feels like an unofficial anthem for this fic at the moment, give it a listen though you might get what I mean..**

**In the mean time sit tight.. n****ot to give too much away but the next chapter coming is definitely a big one. So t**hank god it's Friday...that means the next chapter will be coming to you very soon!

**Thank you for your kindess and support. Much love xx**


	16. Chapter 16

When Maura walked into the morgue the next day a smile appeared instantly on her face, it was like her second home being here. Quiet, peaceful, a beautiful distraction. The Queen of the Dead was back. Entering her office the smile was quickly wiped away as she saw that all her furniture had been rearranged and pushed aside. _Pike._ _That…bastard. _Maura placed her favourite Birken bag down on the immaculately clean desk grateful that he hadn't rearranged that too, before pulling up the sleeves of her red blazer and starting to move her furniture back to where it was supposed to be sitting. A pile of her tribal masks had also been taken off the wall much to the doctors horror and stashed away very much out of sight behind her desk. Maura didn't understand why so many people didn't like them, they were very calming to look at she thought but apparently no one else did. Whilst she was dragging one of her art deco chairs back across the floor a very excited Senior Criminalist Chang came flying through the doors of her office.

"Maur- Doctor Isles you're back" she said her excitement was something that couldn't be hidden even if she tried. Maura looked up with a smile that her staff were so glad to have her return, she had feared that perhaps they had gotten used to having Pike here and so much so they wouldn't want her to return, but Jane had reassured her that no one liked Pike and that Susie and the others frequently asked about her and when she would be returning.

"I am back" she replied "I've very much missed being here"

"You were missed" Susie nodded "I missed you, the crime lab guys missed you too it's just not the same without you here"

Maura smiled and gestured at the furniture she was still in the process of moving.

"Would you mind helping me move these back? I see Pike got a little overambitious with my absence and started redecorating"

Susie nodded and they began to move her couch back by the coffee table.

"I tried to tell him that he shouldn't be moving your things" Susie admitted glancing up to see the doctors reaction.

"You did?" Maura asked, she knew Susie looked up to her but she never realised it was more than just in a professional way. Susie admired everything the medical examiner did, Maura couldn't help but feel a affection towards her.

"He didn't really listen" Susie shrugged and started helping Maura hang the masks back on her wall.

"I specifically told him not to take the masks down too" she continued "I know how much you like them, Pike is just such a…"

"Asshole?" Maura asked and Susie went pink and nodded with a awkward smile.

"Did I just hear Doctor Isles saying something inappropriate?" Jane's voice entered the room before she did and Maura bit her lip hiding an embarrassed smile.

"Technically…well technically yes" Maura admitted and Susie looked between them both before deciding that it was time for her to go.

"I'll be in the crime lab if you need me Doctor Isles" she said and headed for the door before pausing and glancing back "It's really good to have you back"

"Thank you Susie" Maura smiled and Jane lifted an eyebrow at the exchange.

"Did she hug you?" Jane asked once she was out of earshot. Maura looked at her confused.

"What?"

"I said I'd give her ten bucks if she hugged you when you got back" Jane shrugged hooking her fingers into her gun holster.

"Why would you do that?" Maura asked with a perplexing expression on her face.

"Because she loves you" Jane laughed "She literally worships the ground you walk on"

"Oh"

Jane sighed and looked around Maura's office, Maura knew she hadn't just come down here for a chat something was bothering her and she wanted to talk about it.

"Redecorating are we?" she asked clearly avoiding whatever it was that she wanted to say.

"More like tidying, reorganising, I really can't stand Pike" Maura frowned in frustration at the mere thought of her stand in M.E.

"Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?" Maura asked hesitantly going back to her desk and noticing the giant pile of paperwork Pike had left in the middle of her desk for her with a sticky note on top reading 'You might want to review these Doctor Isles' she could almost here the sarcastic condescending tone of his voice in her head.

"I um…" Jane looked around debating whether or not to bring it up, it was Maura's first day back at work and she didn't want to be a buzz kill but she didn't know who else to talk to, and she had to talk to someone and she and Maura told each other stuff right? They did when they were best friends, which they still were it was just a little more complicated.

"Casey called…" Jane said the words barely made it out of her mouth "This morning"

Maura immediately looked irritated she raised an eyebrow and her folded her arms across her chest defensively. Jane knew she didn't want to hear any of what she was about to say but she had started now.

"He got the ring" she said swallowing hard, the lump in her throat getting bigger.

"And?"

"And he said he understood but" Jane looked down at her hands. _Don't cry. _

"But I could hear his heart breaking Maur, it was so awful" she shook her head and Maura knew she was struggling not to cry. She wanted to go and wrap her arms around the detective but she didn't move. She didn't want to. She couldn't bring herself to comfort the woman she loved as she cried over another man.

"Jane" Maura said her voice sounded firmer than she had expected.

"I can't do this now, I'm sorry" she said.

"Okay, yeah, sorry" Jane said shaking her head and turning away "I'll um…see you later" she said before leaving and Maura was left standing in her office, her phone suddenly started ringing jolting her from her spot where her feet had been grounded she spun around and answered her phone before even checking who it was.

"Maura" It was Hope. _Shit._

"Hope" Maura said trying to sound cheery after the horrible mention of Casey.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you from your work" she said and Maura glanced at the pile of paperwork that sat drearily in front of her.

"No, not at all"

"I was wondering if maybe you wanted to meet for coffee today?"

Maura's immediate thought was to say no, but several seconds of silence provided her to think clearly and she decided it would probably be a good distraction, that way she wouldn't have to have lunch with a mopey Jane and listen to her whinge about Casey more than she could endure.

"I'd love to" she answered.

* * *

Jane felt terrible stepped out of the elevator back into homicide, she shouldn't have mentioned it to Maura she should have known better. She just desperately needed to talk to someone about it but Maura had just completely shut down, and it was fair enough. Staring at the board where they had photos off their latest case which was seeming to be remarkably similar to the last one, her stare was vacant and she didn't even notice Frost coming up behind her.

"Any thoughts?" he asked and she jumped with fright.

"Whoa, you okay?" he said as she turned around and ran a hand through her dishevelled hair.

"Fine yeah" Jane said and turning back to the board. She hadn't thought about the case one bit which was strange for her, usually it would consume her thoughts until she caught the bastard that had done it, but lately she had been too distracted by everything else.

Her back had been aching all morning too, all she wanted to do was lay on the floor but being surrounded by her male co-workers she knew better than to let any sign of weakness show.

"So" Frost asked "Thoughts?"

Jane rubbed her forehead wondering if Maura was going to be mad at her for the rest of the day, she had decided to text the medical examiner and ask if she wanted to go and get lunch with hopes of smoothing out the accidental mess she caused down in the morgue but Maura had quickly replied with 'I can't sorry. Meeting Hope.' Since when did Maura willingly meet Hope? Had they suddenly bonded over Maura's head trauma? Maybe Maura's head trauma was the reason they were suddenly so close, she might have forgotten that she hadn't forgiven her biological mother yet for calling her a liar and accusing her of scamming. Jane was frustrated and she couldn't bare to be on her feet anymore, pulling up her chair she sat down with a loud sigh and Frost looked at her with an eyebrow lifted.

"I think" Jane said "I think this is looking like a double homicide, in which case the guy we arrested for Maria's murder is the wrong guy"

Frost began to shake his head in annoyance.

"That's what I was thinking too" he said "Damn it"

"It's gonna be a long day" Jane groaned staring into her empty coffee cup.

* * *

Maura met Hope at a small french cafe they had discovered that they had both adored, Hope was already inside when Maura arrived and was adorned with a glowing smile when she saw her daughter. It was true they had gotten slightly closer over Maura's time at home after her injury, Hope would regularly stop by with fresh flowers or tea and the two of them would talk, nothing serious, no overstepping they would simply enjoy each others company. It had been a Tuesday afternoon when Maura had been feeling particularly bad and Hope had arrived finding Maura in a state on the couch unable to even get herself upstairs, she had made Maura a chamomile tea and then helped the medical examiner upstairs lying her on her bed and rubbing her back soothingly until she fell asleep. It was the first motherly thing Hope had ever done for Maura, besides seeing to a stupid burn from the espresso machine Maura had gotten when she hadn't been watching what she was doing.

And now sitting across from this woman Maura felt a strange gratefulness towards her, she had been very supportive throughout Maura's recovery and she was really making an effort to make sure Maura was a part of her life. And for that Maura was glad.

"I'm sorry I hope I'm not taking you from your work" Hope said after they had ordered their coffee.

"I understand you haven't been back very long"

"Today is my first day back, actually" Maura said with a small smile.

"Oh" Hope said "Well I'm glad you had time to fit me in"

Maura just nodded her gaze becoming distant as she let herself get distracted by something out the window, Hope watched her carefully she didn't need to be told that something was bothering her daughter. That much was entirely obvious.

"Maura" she said carefully, knowing that overstepping could lead to disaster.

"Something's bothering you"

Maura's head quickly snapped back to Hope as those words filled the space between them.

"No" Maura said "I'm just thinking" she said sick of all the almost lies she was having to tell lately, it was reminding her of why she was glad she could never lie, it just caused too much drama.

Hope just smiled.

"Maura, I may not have had the privilege of watching you grow up but I do have a teenage daughter- "

"I know, Cailin, you don't have to remind me" Maura interjected and Hope just looked at her.

"I can tell when something is wrong, Maura" she said "And I want to be here for you, I want you to talk to me…please"

Maura looked at her and couldn't help but notice some of the physical resemblance between the two of them. She studied Hope's face, as the waitress bought them their coffee, she watched as Hope silently thanked the waitress with a smile then immediately refocused her attention on Maura. She came to a conclusion that Hope really did want to know, maybe this was going to be the mother-daughter moment she had been waiting all her life for, getting to talk to her mother about her love issues.

"You really want to know?" she clarified.

"Yes, I really do" Hope said sipping her coffee.

"Okay" Maura took a deep breath "It's Jane"

Hope nodded.

"I'm in love with her and I think she still likes Casey…and I sound like a complete juvenile with these petty issues" Maura said suddenly realising what it sounded like when it was said out loud, it was sounded stupid and a lot less complicated then it was in her head, she wished she had kept her mouth shut.

"Love isn't a _petty_ issue, Maura, ever" Hope said looking directly at her and Maura braved looking up from her coffee.

"If there's anything that you take away from this conversation, or even if there's anything you take away from _life _it should be that love is nothing small, it's not something that should just be overlooked, love is…special, Maura"

Suddenly there were tears falling down Maura's cheeks her mothers words filling her head. _Love is special. Love _is _special. _

"Oh honey" Hope said shifting her chair around closer to Maura and slipping an arm around her comfortingly pulling her head onto her shoulder.

"Anyone would be so lucky to have you, you're amazing"

"You don't know that" Maura sobbed softly completely unembarrassed and unfazed to show such emotions in front of her mother anymore.

"I do" Hope reassured her "I do"

"I just don't know what to do" Maura said finally getting herself together and lifting her head off Hope's shoulder and wiping her tears away.

"We're just not getting anywhere and there is always this giant tower of uncertainty leaning over us, and I can't tell if she's about to run back to h-him or not" Maura looked down at her hands "I can't live without her"

"Can I suggest something?" Hope asked placing her hand over her daughters and Maura looked back up at her.

"Talk to her, Maura"

And there it was. Those three little words. The three little words she had been cowering away from for far too long.

"Tell her how you feel, it will make you feel better sweet girl" Hope brushed a stray strand of Maura's hair from her eyes gently.

"And if it doesn't?" Maura asked.

"Well then we'll have to figure something else out because you deserve to be happy" Hope said and the corners of Maura's mouth turned up slightly.

"You're a lot more helpful than I expected" she said honestly and Hope let out a small laugh.

"What are mothers for?" she said and the words hung in the air for several seconds. This woman was Maura's mother, and for the first time Maura finally felt it. She accepted it. She was ready to let Hope into her life as her biological mother.

"Thank you" Maura said quietly and Hope smiled warmly at her.

"I'm serious Maura" she said "Just talk to her"

* * *

_Just talk to her. _Those four little words were the only thing in Maura's head that afternoon in the morgue. She constantly kept checking her phone even though she knew there would be no new messages from Jane. She had distanced herself this morning suddenly from the detective after the mention of Casey and she thought perhaps Jane was giving her space…or something. But Maura didn't want space. Not anymore. She was finally feeling brave enough to talk to Jane, to end her frustration that had been ongoing for over the past month. One of them was going to have to bring it up and she was ready to do it. Every time the doors to the morgue opened Maura would glance up, hoping it was going to be Jane but it never was. Finally she picked up her phone and texted Jane.

**Interesting new lab results are in.**

She knew that would be enough to get the detective down here, and sure enough within several minutes the messy haired brunette walked through the doors.

"God I hope this is good" Jane said glancing at Maura who seemed particularly on edge.

"Actually…" Maura said nervously fidgeting "I lied"

"What?"

"I…"

"No I heard you" Jane said and squinted at Maura's neck and chest "You will get hives Doctor Isles you know that right?"

"That doesn't matter" Maura sighed "I need to talk to you" she said and her hazel eyes suddenly wore a determined focus as they looked straight at Jane.

"Okay" Jane nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry about earlier" Maura started but Jane quickly interrupted.

"I'm sorry too Maur, I shouldn't have bought it up I feel terrible, I've made such a mess, it's just he's such a good guy, he deserves so much better and- "

"Jane, stop" Maura shut her eyes shaking her head a sudden anger building inside of her. Jane immediately stopped talking when she heard the vexation in Maura's voice.

"We can't…we can't do this anymore" Maura tried to stop her voice from shaking, she could barely face looking at Jane but she made herself, she had to be strong. She had to end this madness that she had been fighting with everyday in her head.

"It's obvious you still have some unresolved feelings for Casey and that's understandable, I get it, you were going to marry him and then you weren't, he chose his job over you but _I _can't keep doing this" she said her heart was hammering in her chest as she spoke the words just tumbling out of her mouth in a wild messy abundance of truth, she could see Jane's expression growing more and more concerned, more and more worried.

"I've been living in my head Jane, trapped, for the past god knows how long and I just _can't _do this anymore. We've been going round and round in circles and it's not much of a life, not for me"

She took a deep breath daring to make eye contact with Jane, forcing herself not to be entirely overcome with emotions, but there were no tears, she had no tears left right now. All she wanted was this frustration to leave her body, she wanted her mind to finally be settled, the complication needed to stop, now.

"Maura…" Jane spoke finally her voice was strained and thick.

"No, _no,_ it's over with Casey, he's gone, I just…I feel bad that I hurt him, that I cheated on him, but I don't feel bad that I cheated on him with you" Jane struggled with her words almost overcome with emotion at Maura's sudden confrontation.

"That doesn't make sense Jane" Maura frowned her arms folding themselves across her chest. Jane just looked at her, with those same beautiful brown troubled filled eyes, the same longingness and complication strewn across her face. It was a look Maura had gotten so used to, it was a look she had grown to love. The troubled Jane Rizzoli. But there was something else behind those eyes now too, something Maura had only thought she had seen once or twice, but in an entirely different context it made Jane look entirely different.

"I'm scared, Maura" the words fell from Jane's lips and a tear escaped the brunettes eye falling down her cheek as she looked at Maura with terrified eyes. Those two words lingered in the air, it took a moment for Maura to catch them. She was scared. _Scared. _Just like Maura.

"I'm scared too" Maura answered her voice was small, but the only thing that filled the entire room. The two of them stood meters away from each other surrounded by their words in a strange void of the inevitable truth. It was exhilarating and terrifying and nothing else mattered in that moment other than the two of them, everything else fell away, was dismissed and locked out. It was just Jane and Maura and the words that needed to be said.

"I'm scared that I fell into you too fast and that I might ruin everything" Jane whispered.

"I love you" Maura said and all of everything Jane thought she knew was suddenly gone, all she could hear was her heartbeat and those three words.

"I love you" Maura said it again "And I'll always love you, but you? You might fall out of love with me in a day, or a year or maybe you won't but I can't bare to lose you. I'll love you forever" _Love is special _the words flooded Maura's head. It was the only thing she could think of, love was special and she loved Jane. Those words needed to be said, she needed to say them out loud to Jane and as soon as she had the relief she had been begging for had conquered her body, the heaviest weight was lifted from her shoulders as the undeniable, overdue, inevitable truth was finally released from its tight constrains in her head where it had been kept captive for as long as she could remember.

"Maura, I- " Jane stared at her the three little words still floating in the void of space between them. Jane wanted to keep hearing them, over and over again. It was the best feeling in the world.

"It's okay" Maura said softly "You don't have to say it, I get it, I love you but it's just not as simple as that. There's too many what if's, what if you don't love me tomorrow? What if we ruin everything? What if Casey comes back? What if we break it and we can't fix it? What if, what if, what if, I know it's careless to guess but there's too many bad endings Jane. Following my heart would lead me into your arms but listening to my head would probably make me turn and walk the other way"

"What if…" Jane said after a moments silence, her voice was coarse and gravelly like she was desperately trying to hold something back. She knew Maura hated sentences that began with what if, but she couldn't think of any other way to put it.

"one of these what if's was Jane is pregnant?"

Maura stared at her blankly.

"What are you talking about?" she asked through almost gritted teeth.

Jane bit down on her bottom lip so hard she thought she could taste her own blood filling her mouth. She pulled out the pregnancy stick from her back pocket and threw it on the ground between them, she could feel her heartbreaking already before Maura had even reacted.

"What if a stupid baby ruins everything before it even starts?" she asked choking back tears.

Maura stared at the pregnancy test that lay in between them face up, the little pink plus sign staring her in the face like human would look at an ant. Forcing herself to look up at Jane she saw the look of anguish on her face, the suffering behind those brown eyes and she turned briskly on her heel and walked out the door.

* * *

**I'm so nervous right now I don't think I will even be able to sleep.**

**I've had a bit of love/hate about the pregnancy storyline…and I cant say its not slightly disheartening to be told not to go down a certain storyline because its already been done and can never be done better. I always appreciate all of your comments and thoughts but I can't please all of you and I'm sorry about that. But I can 100% guarantee you that the rest of this story is not going to turn into Jane's pregnancy, I have no interest in that. This is not going to be a predictable storyline (...hopefully:P ) it took a while for me to figure out and plan this, I know where I want it to go and I want you to know you're in good hands I'm going to do everything not to fuck this up, so please give it a shot. I have to say I'm actually a little excited where this storyline is going because I know the outcome (perks of being the author) and i think you'll love it.**

**I hope you're all still with me and ready to continue on with these two beautiful women. **

**Please let me know what you think...and if it's not too much to ask be kind...I'm literally shitting my pants about this chapter, it suddenly feels like a huge risk going down this path even though I have everything mapped out.**

**Much love, thank you for your support xx**


	17. Chapter 17

Maura was shaking. She could feel every muscle, every nerve, every inch of her body trembling as she fumbled her way into her house. As soon as she made it inside she shut the door loudly and leaned back against it trying to take deep breaths, her entire body feeling unstable as if it were about to collapse underneath her. _Jane was pregnant. _Of all the things Maura had imagined to happen that was certainly _not _one of them. She shut her eyes and tried to calm herself down but the sound of her rapid breathing and hammering heart filled her ears, her chest felt tight and her breath restricted to sharp shallow gasps for air. She didn't want Jane to be pregnant, it was a horrible and selfish wish but it was true and she could not deny it. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. No. This was all wrong. She didn't know how she was going to deal with this. Children change everything Maura didn't need to be told that. And Jane's child, a child that wasn't hers, could _never_ be her's she didn't know what to do. Jane would have to tell Casey eventually and what if he came running back to be the baby's father…what would happen to Maura? Would she be discarded again like she always was when Casey came back? Her heart felt like it had been ripped to shreds, she hated herself for being so selfish but she hated Jane as well. How could she do this to her? It wasn't fair.

As she walked into the kitchen her phone started ringing, discarding it on the counter she knew it would be Jane. Again. The detective hadn't stopped calling her since she had walked out of the morgue. She didn't want to talk to Jane, not now. She had nothing to say, or more accurately she didn't know _what_ to say. There were no words in any language that could express how she was feeling. No combination of any 26 letters would work.

She leaned on the counter listening to the continuous buzz of her phone, she wondered if she answered what Jane would say. It felt like an eternity before her phone finally fell quiet and she was plunged back into the silence of her house. It was too much for her, she was alone again. She was always alone. It had been reckless of her to put so much hope into one person. As she was consumed by the silence she felt the tears start to prickle in her eyes, she didn't want to cry she didn't want to feel any emotions at all, she just wanted to be numb. But that was impossible, she was only human.

Leaning over the sink she cupped her hands under the running water and splashed it on her face, trying desperately to get herself together. The ice cold water was a shock to her skin, she let the water run down her face as she looked up everything inside her suddenly felt still. When she realised she had been holding her breath she suddenly emitted a loud sob as she desperately gasped for air, letting herself crumble against the sink as her tears began to fall.

Suddenly the kitchen door opened and Angela came in concern strewn across her face as if she were looking at one of her own three children.

"Maura? Honey, are you alright?" worry filled her voice as she came closer to Maura and placed a hand on the doctors back softly.

Maura didn't reply straight away, she couldn't. She felt humiliated that Angela had come in and frustrated that she couldn't get privacy in her own home to cry. Gathering herself quickly she wiped her tears and stood up straight, Angela looked at her with deep concern she didn't see Maura break down very often in fact it was really only once in the hospital that Angela had seen her absolutely distraught, and that didn't seem like a patch on the shattered girl who stood in front of her now.

"Yes I'm, I'm fine" Maura said trying to give Angela a reassuring look that she knew wasn't going to work.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be sorry" Angela said her eyes searched Maura's face for answers.

"Should I call Jane?"

"No!" Maura shouted the sudden outburst startling Angela and she looked at Maura even more worried.

"Did she do something to you?" she asked slowly.

_Yes. She's pregnant. _Maura shook her head. She couldn't tell Angela. Not like this.

"No no please, it's fine" Maura begged her "I'm fine" she felt her neck beginning to itch from the constant stream of lies she was having to tell.

"Are you sure?" Angela was unconvinced.

"Yes" said Maura.

"You know you can talk to me honey" Angela said her voice softening "I'm always here to listen"

Maura just looked at her her hazel eyes glazed over with tears, she needed to be by herself or at least she thought she did.

"I have to um…I have to go" Maura said sweeping her phone off the table and quickly leaving the room. The second time in one day she had run from a Rizzoli.

She collapsed on her bed and stared at her phone which showed the 5 missed calls from Jane she had. She was still couldn't believe what was happening, it was like she had been thrown into some crazy parallel universe that she didn't want to be in. Shock was still travelling around her body, pushing through her veins. She stared at her phone trying to convince herself she would be okay by herself like she had been her entire life, but it didn't work this time, picking up the phone she dialled her mother.

"Maura?" Hope answered on the second ring.

"You said it would make me feel better" Maura said her voice croaky.

"You told her?" Hope seemed surprised how quickly Maura had taken her advice.

"She's pregnant" Maura was unable to stop the words escaping her mouth.

"Oh sweetie" Hope said sympathetically and Maura tried to keep the next round of tears at bay.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No Mom, I'll be okay" The two of them fell silent, Maura suddenly realising what she had just said. It had just fallen out of her mouth so naturally, like it was something she had been saying to Hope her entire life. Hope's heart swelled as she heard her oldest daughter used that word, she knew it had most likely slipped out judging by the immediate silence that followed but she was so glad that it had. She was Maura's mom.

"I just don't know what to do" Maura said after recovering quickly from the accidental slip up.

"I didn't know who else to call, I'm sorry"

"Maura, don't be sorry I told you I'm here for you and I meant that" Hope said desperately wanting to take her daughter in her arms and hold her until she had forgotten all of her troubles.

Maura rubbed her face unfazed by the fact she was ruining her makeup, she figured it was probably already destroyed from the tears anyway.

"What should I do then" Maura asked quietly "I'm _so _mad at her"

"Honey" Hope said with a small sigh "It's not her fault she's pregnant these things happen that's what life is like, there are ups and downs and people make mistakes and hurt each other and sometimes you just have to stand up straight and walk through the storm"

"I don't want to" Maura felt her voice shake, she sounded like a stubborn little girl not wanting to do what her mother was telling her.

"Maura, she came to you" Hope reminded her "She came to _you_ and told _you_, I can tell you that wasn't an easy thing for her to do"

Maura sighed, she was talking to the woman who had gotten pregnant with her at 18, she was probably going to be more on Jane's side than her own.

"What are you saying? I should just forgive her?" Maura asked with a frown staring up the ceiling of her room.

"What is there to forgive?" Hope asked "She hasn't done anything wrong… you told me you loved her Maura, that shouldn't change anything"

"I do love her" Maura struggled "I love her more than anything…"

"So what is your heart telling you to do?"

"I don't listen to my organs"

"Maura"

She sighed "I- I don't want to lose her but it just hurts, this wasn't meant to happen"

"I know sweetheart I know" Hope said her voice was becoming something of a comfort blanket to Maura.

"Life isn't fair I know that for a fact, but children are amazing you would probably make a great mother"

"It's not mine" Maura sighed and Hope just laughed.

"I know that but Jane is yours, maybe not officially but somewhere close to it, and from what you've told me Maura she cares about you and she loves you, this probably shocked her as much as it shocked you"

Maura groaned loudly, sitting up and staring at the wall in front of her realising the truth behind Hope's words and how terribly she had reacted when Jane had told her. She was supposed to be Jane's best friend above everything else and walking out was not what a best friend should have done.

"Maura, I acted badly when I found out you were my daughter and nearly ruined everything, I don't want you to do the same with Jane" Hope said and Maura wanted to hang up, throw her phone across the room like a hormonal teenager. She hated that everything Hope was saying was so right.

"Walk through the storm" Maura mumbled quietly her thoughts moving to Jane, picturing what she was doing this very moment hating herself for dumping such a weight on their relationship? Thinking she had ruined everything with Maura? Maura shut her eyes as it occurred to her that the way she had reacted would have hurt Jane just as much as Jane hurt her with that news. Hope was right, it wasn't her fault, she had plucked up the courage to come and tell Maura because that's what they did, they were always there for each other.

"Storms pass" Hope added and Maura nibbled her lip.

"I think I need to go and talk to her" Maura concluded.

"You're a good person Maura, a strong person" Hope told her and Maura smiled slightly at her words.

"You're a good mother" she replied biting her lip, if there was one positive thing that came out of today it was that she had gotten that much closer to Hope, her mother and it felt good to have someone care about her, to give her words of advice and guidance. She didn't feel so alone anymore.

"Follow your heart Maura, not your head" Hope instructed her "When it comes to love your heart always makes things less complicated"

She was right. Maura's heart was telling her to go back to Jane, to apologise for her horrible behaviour and tell her how much she loved her then just move forward taking whatever happened as it came. But her head was conflicted, she wanted to hate Jane, she wanted to not speak to her for as long as possible she wanted to be mad but she didn't want to lose the detective. Jane had asked her what if, she had left the ball in Maura's court and Maura had just walked away. The medical examiner knew when to admit she was wrong, and as soon as she hung up with Hope she realised how appallingly she had acted. Yes she still had the right to be upset but she shouldn't have walked out, she shouldn't have left the woman she loved standing there in tears and alone. Love is special. Jane was special, Maura had never felt so attached to anyone in her life. Jane was the one person Maura wanted in her life forever, people come and go but Jane, she needed the detective, those wild dark curls and beautiful brown eyes, she needed those strong arms around her and the comfort of her husky voice. Jane had told her Casey was gone from her life and Maura knew she had meant it, she just needed to convince herself that a baby wasn't going to change that, or perhaps she just needed to trust Jane, trust that the brunette cared about her enough not to hurt her.

* * *

**[This is important okay, I've had to add this in because I'm getting too many people say they're tuning out because of the pregnancy...firstly as I previously stated I have _no_ interest in a Jane/pregnancy storyline and secondly it's not going that way. I hope you give the rest of this fic a chance because trust me...it's NOT going in the direction you're thinking it's going in, I wish I could tell you what's going to happen but that would ruin it wouldn't it?]**

**I have a busy week coming up so I'm sorry if the updates are a little slower.**

**Much love to you all even if you do call me "the worst" ;) please bare with me through the next couple of chapters…there are many things ahead to be excited about that will hopefully make you all understand why these past couple of chapters have been necessary (not wanted but _necessary_).  
**

**Again this story is not going down the road you're all expecting it to so please stay tuned in, it would mean a lot if you would stick with me through this patch. **

**Thank you for the support and as always let me know what you're thinking xx**


	18. Chapter 18

Maura knocked frantically on Jane's door she knew the detective would be home by now it was almost 7 and if she wasn't at Maura's then she would definitely be here. When there was no answer Maura stopped and pressed her ear to the door trying her hardest to hear if she was in there, she briefly wondered if Jane was standing on the other side of the door looking through the peephole not wanting to let the medical examiner in.

"Jane?" Maura said knocking on the door again "Please let me in"

No answer. Maura huffed and began digging through her bag for the spare key she had to Jane's apartment, she had come all the way over here to try and fix the mess they had both caused only to be locked out? No, she wasn't having it.

"You know you gave me a key so if you didn't want me getting in then you're going to have to come up with something else" Maura said as she unlocked the door and walked inside to be greeted with an empty apartment.

Feeling rather silly that she had actually been talking to herself Maura put her bag down on the couch and took off her jacket, she saw Jane's gun and badge sitting out in the open on the kitchen bench and she frowned. She must be here. There was an opened but untouched beer sitting beside the detectives gun and Maura picked it up sniffing it before taking a swig, Jane must have gone to drink it before realising that she couldn't. Maura still wasn't the biggest fan of beer but the beer that Jane drank was growing on her, she felt it was almost an insult to her best friend if she didn't at least pretend to like it, much in the same way Jane would sometimes pretend she immensely enjoyed Maura's wine before spitting it out and getting a beer.

Maura knew that she had been drinking more than she should lately but it always gave her a tiny push of courage that she always seemed to need around Jane these days and truthfully the hangovers hurt less than heartache. Putting the now half empty beer bottle back down she wandered through the kitchen and down the hallway hearing the faint sound of running water coming from the bathroom, letting out a small sigh of relief that she was here Maura pushed open the bathroom door, the thick steam from the hot water hung trapped heavily in the air.

"Jane" Maura called out walking over to the shower and pulled open the fogged up door.

"Jane" she said and Jane leapt with fright quickly covering herself in protection.

"Jesus christ woman" she said seeing Maura suddenly standing in the doorway of the shower.

"It's not a stupid baby" Maura said and begun to step out of her heels. Jane looked at her curiously from the other side of the shower, the hot stream of water in between them.

"Never say that again, ever" she said looking at Jane with a serious look in her hazel eyes.

"I- "

"No I'm not finished" Maura said "I'm sorry for the way I reacted, it was presumptuous and selfish"

Jane bit her lip, she felt like she should be the one apologising Maura had simply reacted the way anyone in their situation would have and Jane didn't blame her at all, it had hurt her when Maura had walked away but she knew it was only from the shock, and inability to handle the situation in any other way. Jane had felt terrible having to tell Maura but not telling her would have only made it worse later on.

"I was just shocked and…and hurt and angry but I shouldn't have just left you there" Maura frowned.

"I love you" she said her eyes locked on the wide chocolate brown eyes that were staring at her.

"And it doesn't change anything"

"What?" Jane asked quietly.

"It doesn't change how I feel about you, in fact it's not really a bad thing at all" Maura said giving a small shrug "Yes it was unexpected and something I never imagined would happen, but I will love that baby with all my heart as much as I love you"

Jane looked as if she were about to cry "C'mere" she said pulling the doctor into the shower fully clothed she wrapped her arms around the smaller woman tightly holding her close, grateful and relieved.

"Jane" Maura said pulling away from her arms and looking at her, her hazel eyes still full of unease. The hot water from the shower soaked her clothes making them stick to her skin uncomfortably.

"I need you to know that I'm here as your friend, as your best friend I'm always here to support you" she said staring sombrely at Jane.

"But as your lover or your _girlfriend_ or whatever it is more that we are to each other, I'm not okay, I'm upset and I'm hurt and I'm _so_ angry but I want to do the right thing and be the bigger person here because I care about you"

"I don't deserve you" Jane whispered looking intently at Maura her dark eyes filled with admiration.

"You deserve to have someone who won't leave you standing in a morgue alone with your problems" Maura said pushing her wet hair back her eyes not moving off Jane's.

"I'm sorry" she said again.

"Please stop saying that" Jane mumbled pulling Maura close again "Please"

Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's wet naked body their skin pressed close together, they stood under the flow of hot water holding each other close. Afraid to let go, afraid to get out of their small glass cage and face whatever was going to happen. A tear fell down Maura's cheek but was disguised by the shower water. _Walk through the storm _her head kept reminding her. She was strong and she knew that but Jane had this way of making her feel so weak, she didn't know how to deal with the idea of being alone anymore.

* * *

Later that night the two of them lay snuggled on Jane's bed, Maura's head lay resting on Jane's chest she listened quietly to the sound of her heart beating and memorised the way her chest rose and fell with each breath. Her arm was stretched across Jane's stomach, it still felt strange knowing that Jane was pregnant, and a part of her brain was hoping she was going to wake up and this would all have been a dream. But for now she just enjoyed the peace between the two of them, she loved Jane and that was all that was truly important.

"Maur" Jane said quietly after an unknown amount of time had passed.

"Mm" Maura replied not moving a muscle.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jane asked biting her lip nervously playing the ends of Maura's honey blonde waves.

"I'd be guessing" Maura answered and Jane bit back a smile.

"Okay" she said deciding to leave the subject at rest.

"Maur" she said after three more seconds of silence.

"Mm?"

"I love you"

Maura lifted her head immediately the words striking her heart with warmth, she studied Jane's face closely.

"Don't say that" she said and Jane looked at her confused.

"Why not? It's true" she said feeling a huge mountain of relief lifted off her as she had finally said those three little words to the doctor, those three little words that had been hanging over her head for so long.

"You're…_everything_" Jane said watching Maura look at her contemplatively.

"Shh"

Jane lifted an eyebrow in deep confusion at Maura's sudden rejection of her words.

"I tell you I love you and you shush me?" Jane asked and Maura just gave her a little smile, placing her head back down on Jane's chest.

"Shh" Maura said again quietly and Jane furrowed her brow.

"Maura…"

"Don't say it again until you're certain" Maura said quietly, she was glad that Jane had said it and she had known the detective had meant it but now wasn't the time, it wasn't right not after what she had been through today. She felt as though Jane had jumped to saying simply because she had and perhaps because of the situation, and as much as she wanted to keep hearing it over and over again, she didn't want to hear it again until she knew Jane was completely sure.

"I didn't know I could get more certain than this" Jane sighed.

"You'll just know" Maura said running her fingers over Jane's hand. Jane looked at the doctor who was curled up against her and a half smile filled her face, she was one of the most complicated humans Jane knew, but there was something just so perfect about her. She was so weird and wonderful and smart and _god _she was sexy, Jane felt the frustration from Maura's lack of acceptance of her words melt away as she looked at her. She loved Maura but she understood why the doctor might be hesitant about hearing them tonight but she was glad those words were out, that Maura had at least heard her say them, that she could hopefully feel a little better about the mess that had been made even if she didn't believe her right away.

"It's only you" Jane said quietly unsure if the M.E was even still awake, but a soft voice suddenly echoed.

"Only you" it was barely above a whisper, but it was enough for Jane to hear it and it was then she knew Maura was all she needed, and Jane was all Maura needed and in that moment they had each other, whatever was going to happen they had each other. That's what counted and that's what would get them through, it was all that Jane cared about. It was only them.

* * *

In the morning when Jane woke up everything was at peace. The two of them both rose for work, Jane kissed the top of Maura's head when she had come into the kitchen for breakfast, and they exchanged several smiles while eating their cereal before putting their professionalism first and their feelings away and going to work.

They worked as they always did, Jane caught the bad guys and Maura spoke for those who couldn't, they would try not to smile as their eyes met from across the room and they were wary of how close they stood to each other not wanting anyone else to know just yet. Jane ignored the looks that Frost would shoot her when he noticed the detective staring after the doctor as she left the room, and Maura would try and ignore the feeling of chocolate brown eyes following her every time she turned to leave. When it was finally time for them to go home they would go back Maura's and collapse on the couch with pizza or something leafy and green and then watch some kind of strange documentary that Maura would have insisted upon.

Occasionally Jane would catch Maura looking at her stomach before quickly moving her eyes away and focusing herself on something else, she knew the doctor was still dealing with hurt feelings and her anger towards Jane but she didn't show any sign of it whatsoever. Jane would catch her in the rare moment where she would be staring into space, her forehead creased with a line of frustration as her brain tirelessly pushed thoughts around her head. And Jane understood, it was a lot of processing for both of them but for Maura Jane knew when to give the doctor her space, she often would see the medical examiner in her yoga room folded into child's pose, or simply lying on her back with her eyes shut and Jane knew not to disturb her. She needed that silence, that space, that time just to process.

"_I'm sorry" _Jane would whisper at night to the doctor who gazed at her with unsettled hazel eyes but then Maura would just smile.

"_It's not your fault" _she would say before turning back to her book, or falling asleep entirely.

_But it is my fault_ Jane would think. Then every morning Maura would emerge and on the outside she would look fine, completely normal she acted and spoke and did everything the way she always did, but Jane knew better than to believe her accepting front she held tightly in place around her and it hurt the detective to have to see Maura like that. As soon as Jane would try to bring up how Maura was feeling the doctor would just reach out and touch her hand lightly, or her shoulder or even place a light kiss on her cheek before saying something that would almost entirely convince Jane that she was okay. But then she would see the distant and pained look in those beautiful hazel eyes and she would be flooded with guilt, Maura had been through so much in her life and Jane couldn't bare the thought that she was hurting the doctor and causing her more pain then she ever deserved.

* * *

**Hey team, sorry this one took a bit longer. I've actually been trying to write 3 chapters at once because I'm a little bit insane and I also don't want to do my uni work :p**

**It's been great hearing all your thoughts and feelings on the past chapter, it's a bit like walking on ice for me at the moment but these next couple of chapters will definitely help that. I'll try and get them up as soon as I can :)**

**Please stick with me and let me know what your thoughts. Much love xx**


	19. Chapter 19

"Maur" Jane said one morning looking up from her bowl of cornflakes at the doctor who was studiously looking at the newspaper.

"Mhm" Maura replied only half listening they were sitting in her kitchen having breakfast before work, they had been alternating at who's place they stayed at for almost two weeks now not being able to bare being so far away from each other. Maura still liked to have Jane close to her at night, although she was basically as good as new sometimes she still woke in the middle of the night after having a dream about her head trauma, thinking her head had started pounding again she would need Jane's arms around her assuring her that she was okay.

"Do you think I need to go and have one of those scans?" Jane asked hesitantly.

"An antenatal screening" Maura said without looking up "and a ultrasound, good idea, I'll make you an appointment"

Jane lifted an eyebrow "Will you come with me?"

Maura looked up from the paper "Of course I will" she smiled her eyes hovering on Jane's face before returning to the article she was reading.

Maura was still reluctant to talk about the baby with Jane, she wouldn't bring it up on her own terms but she wouldn't entirely shy away from the topic either. _"Have you thought about telling Casey?" _She had even asked Jane one evening as Jane picked at her kale.

"_No"_ Jane had replied not looking up _"I think I might just leave it for a while" _she had said and when she had looked up at Maura she couldn't help but notice the tiniest of smirks the doctor was trying to conceal.

Jane couldn't put into words how grateful she was to still have Maura, she knew they weren't 100% okay, but just waking up to the doctors beautiful face and sleepily hazel eyes was something Jane would always had come to truly realise what an amazing human being Maura was, of course she had years of proof that the medical examiner was incredible but since the news of the pregnancy had mostly settled between them Maura had been nothing but supportive and loving towards her.

"_Be careful at work today"_ she had taken to saying everyday, not because she was afraid of Jane getting hurt but she was afraid something might happen to the baby.

It was still only the two of them who knew and lately the idea of telling her family had been rolling around her mind.

"Do you think it's too soon to tell Ma?" Jane decided to ask Maura, it was a new thing the two of them had developed Jane would ask the doctor almost everything and Maura would give her advice, not scientifically proven or peer reviewed advice but her own personal opinion.

Maura tilted her head in contemplation looking at Jane's tired brown eyes.

"You're having dinner with her tonight" she said and Jane nodded.

"Were you thinking about telling her then?"

"I don't know" Jane sighed.

"If you do…" Maura said looking down at her hands nervously before looking back at Jane.

"Could I come? I'd like to be there" a smile filled Jane's face immediately.

"I assumed you were already coming"

Maura bit her lip cutely before glancing at the time.

"Shoot" she said leaping up from her chair "We need to get to work"

* * *

The idea of telling her mother about her pregnancy bugged Jane all day, it wasn't that she wasn't excited to share the news with her mother, it was just that her and Maura had still be on such an edge about the whole situation that having her overpowering matriarchal mother who was obsessed with the idea of grandchildren in the know was somewhat scary for Jane. It would suddenly be all about baby shopping and pregnancy classes, her house would be full of parenting books and her mother would be trying to feed her weird vegetable meals every half an hour.

She wasn't sure that she was ready for that, she knew she couldn't hide it forever but tonight seemed far to close the only comfort to Jane was that Maura was going to be right there beside her and so whatever crazy rituals her mother started enforcing Maura would be there too, to laugh at her and support her and potentially change the locks to her house so that Angela couldn't get in whenever she wanted.

Jane took several unnecessary trips down to the morgue that day asking Maura over and over again whether she was sure it was a good idea to tell Angela tonight. By the third trip down Maura had heard Jane's footsteps in the hallway and as she opened the door to the autopsy room Maura had looked up and given her a playful smirk.

"7 o'clock at the Dirty Robber" she had said and Jane had stared at her with wide eyes.

"What?"

"I confirmed with Angela about tonight" Maura said and Jane looked at her offended.

"You did what?"

"Jane" Maura smiled.

"Maura I was just coming down here to tell you I think we should wait" Jane said wide eyed.

"No you weren't"

"Wha- how do you know?" Jane frowned folding her arms.

"Your left eyebrow moved, you're lying" Maura shrugged and Jane narrowed her eyes at the medical examiner.

"She's your mother Jane" Maura said when Jane stubbornly didn't answer as a sign of her disapproval.

"Yes _my mother_" Jane groaned "My mother who loves to interfere and has been wanting grandchildren since I was 15"

"Fifteen?" Maura asked in shock an eyebrow raised and Jane just rolled her eyes.

"That was an exaggeration, Maur"

"Oh"

Jane sighed loudly "I can't believe you confirmed that with her, god"

"Now you sound like you're fifteen" Maura said patting her arm lightly with a grin.

"Maura" Jane groaned "She's going to try and feed me chickpeas and spinach everyday"

"Both of which are very good for you" Maura pointed out and Jane just glared at her.

"If this goes badly you're sleeping on the couch" Jane warned her but Maura just laughed knowing there was no way that would be happening.

* * *

At 7.02pm Jane was still sitting in the car her hands gripped the wheel even though it turned off she was still ready to make a run for it, her stomach had been fluttering with nerves ever since Maura had confirmed their dinner with her mother. She knew her mother would be beyond excited but it just felt too soon, everything was happening too fast.

Her phone buzzed in the passenger seat beside her. It was Maura:

_**If you are not here in 2 minutes I'll tell her myself.**_

Jane frowned at her phone before dragging herself out of the car terrified that Maura would actually tell her mother, Jane didn't know whether the doctor would get hives from lying via text but she wasn't willing to take that chance. She was greeted by an immediate warmth as she walked into the Dirty Robber, the chill of the night air being forcefully locked outside as she shut the door behind her. Her dark eyes scanned the room and spotted Maura sitting alone in their usual booth, Jane narrowed her eyes and walked over to the medical examiner a questioning look on her face.

"Doctor Isles…" Jane said slipping into the seat opposite her.

"Would you like to tell me where my mother is?"

"She's running late" Maura said nonchalantly and Jane lifted an eyebrow.

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to wimp out"

"Wimp out?" Jane repeated a humoured smile growing on her face.

"I think you need to do this Jane, I'm the only person who knows and you deserve more support than that" Maura spoke honestly and Jane just looked at her.

"You're all the support I need"

But before Maura could reply they were interrupted by the instantly recognisable sound of Angela's voice.

"Hello girls" she said slipping into the booth beside Maura and Jane looked shocked that she chose to sit next to her best friend instead of her daughter. It always confused Jane how well the two of them got along majority of the time, I mean, it was _her mother_ and they did all kinds of weird things together, but lately she had been acting far more maternal around the medical examiner and Jane had no idea why.

"Hi Ma" Jane said forcing a smile and subtly shooting a _you're going to pay for this later_ look at Maura who simply ignored her and smiled pleasantly at Angela.

"Janie you look exhausted! Have you not been sleeping again?" Angela asked concerned and Jane just sighed.

"I'm sleeping fine Ma" she said staring at the table and drawing circles on the wood with her finger.

"So what is it you girls wanted to tell me?" Angela said getting straight into it and Jane immediately looked up at Maura who guiltily averted her eyes, knowing she had most likely shared a detail too many when making the dinner plans.

"Well…uh…Maura got an invitation this morning" Jane said nodding "From Constance, she was invited to one of her galleries in Europe, isn't that right?"

Maura frowned at Jane the detective wasn't lying but she hadn't told Jane about the invitation yet, and she could have sworn she hadn't left it lying out on the table but she wasn't sure, she had been in such a rush this morning that after the shock of hearing from Constance she had dropped the letter and left for work deciding to deal with that issue later, when she wasn't so late for work.

"Maura, that's fantastic!" Angela beamed with joy for the doctor and Maura returned a enthusiastic smile.

"So are you going to go?"

Maura opened her mouth to speak but quickly shut it again glancing at Jane who was watching her intently. The dinner had already diverted from the direction it was meant to be going in, and Maura was not in any state of mind to be answering questions about whether she was ready to run off to Europe for one of her mother's galleries.

"I'm not sure" Maura said moving her eyes off Jane and onto Angela.

"It's not for two months so I have some time to decide"

"I'm sure it would mean a lot to her if you went" Angela said and Maura just nodded, her eyes flicking back to Jane who was back to staring at the table again. As silence fell over the table Maura slid her foot across and kicked Jane lightly in the calf making her jump slightly and sit up straight, she shot the doctor a look and folded her arms across her chest and when she refused to say anything Maura rolled her eyes and turned back to Angela.

"So…" she said "Jane has something to tell you"

"Maura" Jane practically yelped.

Angela looked at her daughter in eager anticipation.

"What is it sweetie?"

"Um" Jane said chewing nervously on her bottom lip "Well, um…" a nervous laugh escaped her lips as she stared at her hands as words tumbled around her mouth but none coming out.

"This is um…the words seem to be a little stuck" she said avoiding whatever look Maura was giving her at that moment.

"Is everything alright?" Angela asked concern beginning to grow in her voice and Jane looked up wearing her best brave face, feeling like a little girl who had done something she shouldn't have.

"I'm not sure" she said truthfully her eyes finally glancing at Maura who's hazel eyes were intensely fixated on her.

"I'm…pregnant, Ma"

Angela's mouth fell open in shock and she gaped at her daughter in silence as the words processed through her head. _Pregnant. Jane was pregnant._

"Ma…" Jane said nervously "Say something"

"Don't joke with me Janie" Angela said finding her words finally.

"I'm not joking Ma" Jane said everything about her face serious. Her brown eyes were fixated on her mother but would briefly glance at Maura every few seconds.

"B-but you can't be" Angela said looking at Jane and then Maura and then back at Jane.

"You're both women"

Maura's eyes widened at Angela's words and her hand flew up to cover her mouth. Jane's mouth however just fell open and she stared at her mother blankly, words unable to form after what her mother had just said.

"It's not mine" Maura found herself saying trying to contain her amusement.

"It's Casey's" she said a bad taste forming in her mouth after that name had left her tongue.

"Casey" Angela repeated staring at Jane incredulously "But you two broke up"

"I know Ma" Jane said fidgeting with her fingers and it took all of Maura's self restraint not to reach across the table and stop her. She was allowed to be nervous, this conversation with her mother needed to happen and it was going to be a little awkward if anything.

"Honey…" Angela said her tone suddenly softened.

"Honey I'm so happy for you" a wide smile broke out on her face "I'm going to be a grandmother, again!"

Jane tried her hardest to give her mother a convincing smile, but she couldn't help but notice the slightly pinched and discomforted look on Maura's face. _This is why I wanted to wait _Jane thought _Maura isn't ready for my mother's baby wrath….and neither am I._

Angela had already begun to start babbling on about everything that Jane would need to start doing and organising, but Jane wasn't paying attention and neither was Maura. The two of them stared at each other from across the table, infatuated by each other. Their eyes were locked and neither one of them could bring themselves to look away as there was always a deep feeling of contentment when their eyes met, everything else in the world disappeared except for each other all of their problems fell away and the only important thing stood standing. Jane had Maura, and Maura had Jane. They looked at each other for so long that a smile began to curl at the sides of Maura's mouth she wasn't sure why she was smiling, it was just Jane. She was beautiful and brave. Yes Maura was still conflicted by her emotions but that didn't mean she didn't love Jane still, and in that moment, that tiny small moment between them across the table she loved Jane. She loved Jane and nothing else mattered.


	20. Chapter 20

It was a freezing winters day and dark clouds hung heavily in the sky threatening rain at any moment, the trees stood sadly in the cold bare and exposed without their leaves. The roads had started to get icy and everyone knew it was only a matter of time before the snow arrived and winter would officially be here.

Jane sat at her desk her eyes hurt from looking at her computer screen for too long, she was exhausted it was barely after lunch but they had already had a full on day, interrogating three suspects for the death of a young girl who had been found in the trunk of a car in a parking of their alibis had checked out and Frost was in the process of checking the third, Jane was struggling to keep her concentration as she kept finding her mind wandering to the baby scan that she had tomorrow. Maura had seemed rather chipper when she had reminded Jane about it this morning, the detective had looked at her almost startled by her enthusiasm but Maura had just smiled wide whilst taping the sticky note to Jane's fridge just in case she forgot.

Getting up from her chair she stretched her back and sighed softly, she needed a massage making a mental note to herself to ask Maura whether she still had the number of those Thai masseuses who had worked wonders on her back before. She looked at the board where they had pinned photos of all their suspects, her eyes were looking but they weren't really concentration was almost entirely run out, glancing around the office it was almost empty there were several people still on lunch and others who had gone home for the day. Other than this one case it had been quite quiet on the the homicide front, which was a good thing for the public but a bad thing for Jane, she was always so restless when there wasn't anyone dead and no bad guys to catch.

Finding herself wandering to the elevator she hit the down button and within seconds she was on her way down the the morgue.

She saw Maura through the windows in her black scrubs still working on the autopsy, pushing the door open she went in and quietly made herself comfortable on the empty metal autopsy table behind the medical examiner.

"Hi" Maura had said without looking up from the body as she completed the final stitches in the Y incision.

"You're just in time" she said.

"Is baby brain real Maur?" Jane asked swinging her legs off the table like a child.

"Yes" Maura said still working on the body "It's more just forgetfulness though, due to your thoughts being constantly occupied by the foetus, why? Are you forgetting things already?"

"Foetus Maur?" Jane said with a laugh and Maura rolled her eyes smiling

"That's exactly what it is Jane"

Jane bit her lip "It's just my concentration is gone entirely" Maura turned around pulling off her gloves and placing them in her tray.

"That's probably just because you're anxious about tomorrow" Maura smiled and patted her leg lightly.

"No, well I mean maybe just a little…" Maura shot Jane a 'don't lie' look and Jane's brow furrowed in frustration.

"It'll be fine Jane" Maura reassured her "Doctor Green is the _best_ at this, you're going to be in good hands and I'll be there too"

"I know" Jane said catching Maura's hand as she walked past "But what if…"

"I don't like sentences that begin with what if" Maura reminded her and Jane sighed still playing with the doctors hand nervously.

"But there are what if's Maur" Jane frowned and Maura tipped Jane's head up to look at her with her free hand.

"No, there's not" Maura reassured her softly "You're going to have a perfect healthy baby…_we're_ going to have a perfect healthy baby"

Jane smiled and wrapped her legs around the medical examiners trapping her her in close enough so she could slip her arms around the woman and kiss her nose lightly.

"Okay, I believe you" she said.

"Good" Maura smiled not minding Jane's display of affection as most of her staff weren't in at the moment.

"Do you think it's too soon to be thinking about nursery colours?"

"Maura" Jane said leaning back her eyes wide with shock but a smile on her face.

"What?" the medical examiner laughed "It's an important decision"

"You sound like my mother, should we not get through the screening first, maybe?"

Maura shrugged "I suppose so" she said and looked at Jane with a small playful grin.

"So am I going to get these results Doctor Isles or shall we make out on the autopsy table instead?" Jane smirked and Maura flushed pink.

"Well I'd prefer the second one, but I suppose we should get back to work" Maura said and gave Jane a quick peck on the lips before untangling herself from the detectives trap of limbs and going over to the body to show Jane what she had found.

* * *

Jane had taken the results back up to homicide and for the remaining few hours at work her, Korsak and Frost had started going through the suspects again over and over again trying to find something, anything that would help them. The girl had no enemies, she was in her first year at college with a several close friends, no horrible ex-boyfriends, no angry parents, no one seemed to have anything bad to say about her. The only suspicious people that had found and interviewed had been a teacher and an old neighbour but both of their alibis had checked out so they were back to square one.

Jane couldn't help but feel like the frequent absences she had been taking from work were affecting her performance, usually she was so much more onto it than this, with ideas and possibilities swirling in her brain constantly, now she was a lot slower she didn't think of everything immediately and she was always finding herself getting easily distracted by something. It can't just be baby brain she thought, maybe she was a little out of touch with her detective side, a little out of practice.

Feeling frustrated and exhausted Jane was more than glad when they decided to call it a night and head home, she knew that Maura would have already gone home, and perhaps already be at Jane's house comfortably on the couch or in the kitchen if she had the energy to make them dinner. They had been staying at Jane's for most of the week, mainly escaping a still over excited Angela who had taken interfering with Jane's life to the next level.

"_I can't take it anymore Maur, seriously I'm getting my locks changed and we are hiding away at my place"_ Jane had finally cracked after Angela had come in one morning and handed Jane a list of strange foods she needed to start eating, along with a catalogue to Baby Planet.

"_Your mother has always had a key to your apartment Jane, I'm sure she'll want to get a new one when you change the locks so she can come and check on you" _Maura had said but Jane had just shook her head viagrously.

"_No, she doesn't need to check on me, I have you and you're an MD"_ Jane had said and Maura had laughed, she couldn't argue with that.

As Jane unlocked the door to her apartment the welcoming smell of pizza filled her nose, her eyes quickly scanning the place double checking her mother hadn't sneakily gotten in.

"My god" she said when the coast was clear, unloading the gun from her holster and tugging off her jacket.

"That smell is incredible"

"I take no credit" Maura said coming over to Jane a glass of red wine in her hand.

"It was all the cute pizza boy"

"The _cute pizza boy?_" Jane repeated slipping her arms around Maura and lightly kissing her lips, the bitter taste of the wine touching her tongue making her miss the taste of beer, or any alcohol in general.

"Am I not allowed to admire a fine physique anymore?" Maura asked looking up at Jane mischievously.

"I'm not sure" Jane said kissing Maura on the head before stepping around her and reaching for the open pizza box.

"I see you broke your 'Friday night is pizza night rule'?" Jane asked after taking a bite of the cheesy pizza that warmed every inch of her body.

"I know you were having a hard day" Maura gave a small shrug like it wasn't a big deal but Jane looked at her lovingly.

"You're honestly the best, have I ever told you that?" Jane said before taking another large bite.

"Yes, but not enough" Maura smirked pulling a stool up beside the counter where the pizza sat and picking up a slice.

"Well then you're the best most amazing person ever" Jane said with a cheeky grin and Maura just smirked.

"Thank you"

"I mean it Maur" Jane said her tone hinted seriousness.

"I really am grateful for…everything"

"I know" Maura said quietly looking at her wine glass. She was slowly becoming less and less mad with Jane, it was still going to take plenty more time for her heart to entirely heal from the hurt it had suffered, but each day when she woke up she felt a little bit better. The idea of a baby was still something she wasn't used to at all but it was growing on her as she realised she it was something that she was just going to have to accept sooner rather than later. Plus Jane's flesh and blood creating another soul, a tiny little bundle of joy, it didn't seem that terrifying anymore in fact she sometimes found herself thinking about what it was going to be like once they had a child in their lives.

Jane had noticed the smallest changes in Maura too and it was nearly like they were back to their old selves, of course they weren't and probably never would be but it was about as close as they were going to get and Jane would take that over nothing any day.

"Are you still anxious about tomorrow?" Maura asked with a frown and Jane knew she couldn't lie.

"Yes"

"Your bouncing your leg" Maura pointed out "That's a sign of anxiety"

"Is it normal to be this anxious?" Jane asked trying not to fidget, she knew every move she made Maura would have some kind of scientific explanation for why she was doing it.

"I'd assume so yes" Maura answered playing with the bottom of her wine glass.

"You assume?"

"Jane" Maura said looking up at her "You don't want a scientific explanation for everything do you?"

"Not if it's going to make me feel worse" Jane pouted, glad that Maura used her own opinion around Jane more often now, at least when they were at home.

"Just have an early night, get a good nights sleep and tomorrow we'll deal face tomorrow okay?" Maura said comfortingly and Jane just nodded obediently.

* * *

Jane went to bed a couple of hours later desperately trying to calm her nerves about the scan tomorrow she figured Maura's advice would be the best advice there was to take. She kissed the doctor on the forehead and gave her a long loving hug feeling the comforting warmth of Maura's body against her own, before she crawled into bed and switched off the light.

Maura didn't go to bed when Jane did, her brain was far too much awake for her to even think about sleeping and so she caught up on some paperwork then finished off a crossword she had started in the newspaper, and even began tidying Jane's living room.

She knew these actions were all also signs of anxiety and she tried to push those thoughts from her head but they wouldn't budge easily, Maura knew exactly what the risks were of being pregnant when you were 40 and older, and she vowed never to bring it up with Jane because she didn't want to worry the detective. She knew that having these negative thoughts were bad for her and so as much as she could she tried to focus on the positive things, telling herself that the baby would be fine and healthy, but being a doctor her mind was never at rest about the risks of anything.

Staring blankly at the TV Maura let out a small sigh, it wasn't boredom that she was dealing with, and it wasn't insomnia, she was just restless. Picking up the Baby Planet catalogue Jane had dumped on the coffee table she began to flick through it finding it shocking how many things people would actually buy for their infants.

As she flicked through each page she picked out the things she liked the best and wondered if she would ever get Jane to actually sit down and look through it with her, baby shopping was actually going to be quite fun Maura thought. Queen of the Dead _and_ Queen of Shopping Maura thought with a satisfied smile.

Glancing at the time she saw it was just after midnight and she decided it was probably time for her to attempt to sleep, as a sleep deprived medical examiner would not be what Jane would want to wake up to in the morning.

She crawled into Jane's bed and shuffled close to the detective, fitting herself gently around the brunettes body feeling the immediate warmth radiating off her skin. She stared into the darkness for what felt like several minutes listening to the sound of her beating heart, she gently slipped her hand over Jane's stomach resting it lightly on the small bump that had grown there.

"I love you" she whispered into the darkness not noticing when she was finally released into the depth of sleep.

* * *

A groan awoke Maura from her peaceful sleep, her eyes opened immediately at the sound and she found herself still submerged in darkness with the only light coming from the red numbers on Jane's alarm clock. 2.11am. What had felt like almost an entire night's sleep for Maura had really only been a couple of hours. Another soft groan filled the room and Maura sat up, her leg felt warm where it had been pressed up against Jane and her hands were sticky from sweat. She hadn't recalled having a bad dream but she was aware of how fast dreams left people's minds when they were forced back into reality again, she reached over and fumbled to turn the light on her eyes struggling to adjust to the darkness of the room. Click. The light came on and Maura instantly squinted in reaction to the burning golden light coming from the lamp next to her.

Rubbing her face to wake herself up she felt her sticky hands against her skin and when she pulled them away all she saw was blood. It was blood. Not a reddish brown stain. It was definitely blood. Thick, red blood.

Letting out a loud gasp she looked over at Jane who was lying on her side with her back to Maura curled up in the foetal position. Another small groan came from the brunette and Maura looked back at her hands.

"Oh god" she whispered panic beginning to arise in her chest "Oh no"

She immediately grabbed all the bed covers and tossed them back forcefully, discovering that she had been lying on the edge of a large pool of blood that was surrounding Jane.

Another groan was from emitted from Jane's mouth and Maura tried to stay calm, she crawled closer to Jane not caring that the blood was staining her silk pyjama's and she gently nudged the detective trying to bring her out of her sleep state.

"Jane" she whispered loudly "Jane wake up baby, please"

Jane moaned and rolled over towards Maura, her eyes fluttering slightly but quickly shutting again as the bright light burned them.

"Open your eyes" Maura begged her "Jane…"

She shook Jane a little harder and a pair of brown eyes were suddenly looking at her, sleepily, exhausted and in pain.

"Maura" Jane mumbled before another groan rolled from her lips and she clutched her stomach.

"Oh god" Maura whispered anguish filling her heart that was beating loudly in her chest.

"Sweetie you need to wake up"

"Maur…" Jane muttered her eyelids growing heavy again, wanting to shut but Maura wouldn't let them.

"Jane!" Maura shouted in despair, the detectives name filled the entire room and Jane's dark eyes were suddenly open again.

"You're having a miscarriage"

* * *

**...I'm very nervous about this chapter but at the same time I'm also quite happy with it. I know it was brief and probably could have done with a little more detail but I was trying to go for the fast dramatic sort of pace (and I was extremely tired), but often in moments like this last one you don't have a chance to pay attention to fine details or even your emotions, it's just a fast immediate reaction. I'm sorry the past few updates have been a little shorter than normal as well,(they will be going back to their longer length soon enough I hope)I've been having a crazy week and I'm absolutely shattered but I desperately wanted to get these up for you.**

**Also in the name of housekeeping I just need to let you guys know I'm actually going to Australia tomorrow so if I don't update for a few days it's because I'm on holiday, but I plan to keep writing this while I'm away so hopefully when I get a chance to update there will be a backlog of chapters ready and waiting.**

******Let me know how you're feeling...**

**Thank you for your ongoing support. I have just realised we've hit 20 chapters, which is actually incredible considering I didn't think this would be more than a one shot and that's all thanks to you guys. I hope you keep reading as our lovely ladies definitely still have a lot to sort out.**

**Much love to you all and I hope you're having a good week so far xxx**


	21. Chapter 21

"Jane, Jane you need to breathe okay" Maura said crouched in front of the brunette her hands on the detectives knees. Jane's eyes were clenched tightly shut and her teeth were gritted together as a result of the cramping.

"Look at me" Maura said softly and Jane opened her eyes at the sound of Maura's seemingly calm voice, two wide pools of gold and green stared back at her.

"Okay, good" Maura said giving her a small smile "Now breathe in, breathe out" she demonstrated taking a deep breath then letting it out slowly hoping that Jane would follow her lead. She was trying everything to sooth the detectives pain but she couldn't do much in the confines of Jane's apartment.

"You need to be at the hospital" Maura said again but Jane just shook her head, even in the pain she was in she was still stubborn as ever and refusing to go to the hospital.

"Jane please" Maura begged her "Please at least let me call an ambulance"

"They will take me" Jane said pausing to suck in a breath in between cramps "to the hospital"

"Where you need to be right now, I can't do anything for you here" Maura said cupping Jane's face with both her hands so the detective couldn't look anywhere else.

"You're an MD" Jane whispered her breath was ragged and her dark eyes were filled with pain.

"Yes" Maura nodded then paused before glancing over her shoulder and grabbing her keys "And as a Doctor of Medicine you have to listen to me and we're going to the hospital…now"

Jane let out a low groan as Maura helped her up and as she pulled on her jacket Jane doubled over in agony as another cramp washed over her.

"Maura" she growled and Maura was by her side again at lightening speed holding her up and helping her towards the door.

"I-I'm covered in blood" Jane mumbled "Take my car"

Maura lifted an eyebrow at the detective and just shook her head helping her down the stairs.

"I'm not really too bothered about my upholstery right now Jane" she said opening the car door for the detective and throwing a towel down before getting her in the car and jogging round to the drivers seat.

"Just keeping breathing, okay, big breaths" she instructed glancing nervously over at Jane as she started the car. It was more than just a deep concern Maura had for the detective right now, she knew physically Jane was going to be okay but mentally she had no idea what the outcome of this trauma was going to be. Jane had shown no signs of shedding any tears, she was distressed yes, and quite obviously suffering but Maura was seeing no signs of utter devastation in amongst the pain that was in those dark brown eyes.

_Maybe it just hasn't hit her yet, or maybe she's trying to conceal how truly heartbroken she is? _

These thoughts circled the back of Maura's head as she drove quickly but carefully to the hospital, she was grateful it was the middle of the night and so there were barely any cars on the road to get in their way. She would glance over at Jane every 10 seconds to make sure she was still okay, but each time she looked Jane was still in the same position, her hand gripped on the door leaning back in the seat her eyes shut and her bottom lip clenched between her teeth.

Miscarriages were different for every woman, some felt barely anything at all and others felt cramping a kind of pain that was similar to contractions, they would come in waves about 5-7 minutes apart and when they hit it was strong enough to make you double over in pain, taking the air right out of you.

Maura wanted to keep talking knowing that the sound of her voice was comforting the detective but she wasn't sure she knew what to say, as she looked at Jane all the words in her entire large Oxford dictionary of vocabulary disappeared. There was a thousand and ten science things she could tell Jane but it wouldn't exactly be pleasant to here, so instead she remained quiet, her hands gripped tightly on the wheel and she focused her eyes on the road.

When they finally pulled in to the emergency bay at the hospital Jane's groans had turned to whimpers and her eyelashes were wet with tears.

"You're okay" Maura told her softly helping her out of the car, slipping an arm around her still tiny waist and locking the car behind them making there way to the doors.

"Focus on your breathing" she reminded Jane again, knowing that it was one of the only helpful things that could possibly try and distract Jane from the pain. Grabbing a wheelchair as soon as they got through the doors she sat Jane down and wheeled her at speed over to the desk.

"She needs to be seen to immediately" Maura said practically slamming her hands down on the desk "She's having a miscarriage" as the words came from her mouth she realised how truly horrific the situation was. The young intern behind the desk suddenly looked flustered leaping up he began to look around frantically and Maura just rolled her eyes.

"I'm an MD, just tell me where to go I'll take her" she said waving her badge at him and she heard Jane whimpering behind her.

"ER" the intern said "Down and to the left"

He opened his mouth to express his apologies but Maura was already gone pushing Jane down the corridor.

The intense cramping Jane was feeling was agonising enough to make it hard for her to breath, her breath sounded huffy and ragged as she drew in deep lungfuls of air as Maura had been telling her. The pain was almost starting to be too much for her to bear, her abdomen ached with every breath she took it felt like someone had a tight clutching grasp on her womb that she couldn't shake.

She didn't understand why this was happening. Why? Why her? Her emotions ran wild in her head and pulsed through her body along with the pain of the contractions. She felt the spilt of her heart as it broke for the baby she would no longer be having, she was devastated the feeling of perpetual sadness and heartache settling in her chest. She body ached with loss and grief, she didn't know how one person could express all those emotions, or even deal with them and still be alive.

A groan rumbled from her throat as she was lifted onto a bed in the ER and a curtain was rapidly drawn around her, she was grateful Maura was still there holding her hand tightly and refusing to be kicked out. The M.E had practically shoved her badge in the doctors face ready to hiss and growl if he tried to make her step out. She was fiercely protective of Jane in this moment of weakness and grief and she refused to be told what she should be doing.

The doctor and his assistant took them into a private room to run a pelvic exam as well as an ultrasound before briskly making their way towards the doors mumbling quietly between one another. Maura hadn't been able to keep still, as a doctor she wanted to help desperately but she had no idea what to do, Jane needed her right beside her holding her hand and so that is where she needed to be the most. She informed the doctor of the cramping Jane had suffered as well as mentioning the heavy blood flow she had woken up surrounded by and the large thick blood clots. Jane heard everything Maura but the words weren't processing properly through her head, it was just noise. Words, endless words. Maura's words. The doctors words. The sounds of the hospital began blurring together and all Jane could focus on was the pain. Endless pain.

* * *

Maura paced around Jane's bed as they waited for the doctor to return with results, it wasn't looking good and they both knew that but somehow there was still a ray of hope that they were desperately clinging to. The medical examiner fidgeted anxiously with her fingers as she paced, while Jane lay still as a corpse on the bed the only thing moving were her eyes as she followed Maura around the bed watching her frantically glance up every time she heard someone approaching them.

The two of them hadn't said a word to each other since the doctor had left, there were no words, there was nothing. Jane wanted to pull Maura into her arms and hold her tightly so she wouldn't lose another thing that she loved. The baby had been entirely unexpected and it had almost completely torn Maura and Jane apart but they had put aside all their complications in the recent weeks and begun to accept there was nothing they could do about it. Maura had been almost excited thinking about the prosper of a little Jane running around her house with wild curls and dark eyes. And now it was gone. All of the daydreams, all of the hours spent thinking about how their lives were going to change. Gone. Gone before it had even begun.

The curtain suddenly opened and the doctor came through holding a clipboard, his face showed as much emotion as a piece of granite. Maura almost jumped with fright. She had been avidly waiting for his return, not knowing what was possibly taking him so long, but his return had taken her by surprise as she hadn't really wanted him to come back. She didn't want to know.

"Jane" he said and Jane moved her eyes off of Maura to him, the expression on her face was knowing.

"I'm so sorry" he said and looked down at his clipboard "There was nothing we could do"

Jane just nodded. Maura's hand was clamped over her mouth holding back an angry outburst, she saw death everyday but this was different. This was a life taken before it had even started, that baby, Jane's baby hadn't even got to meet it's mother. See her dark loving eyes looking at it, it never got to see the blue sky or the stars at night. It wasn't fair. It was never fair.

"Do you have any questions?" The doctor said knowing he had to go by procedure and not let emotional trauma of a patient affect him.

Jane shook her head slowly unable to form words. The doctor looked at Maura instead knowing Jane was in shock.

"Get me if you need anything" he told her and Maura nodded.

"Thank you" she forced the words from her mouth.

"I'm really very sorry for your loss" he said before slipping back through the curtain, back into the world of the hospital where there were hundreds of other patients and families in pain, dealing with loss and grief. But on some level in this same building people were welcoming new life into the world, celebrating, being ecstatically happy and coming together as a new family.

As soon as the doctor left Jane looked down at the bed a loud sob escaping the tense and rigid frame of her body. Suddenly letting her emotions loose, no longer restraining them in the confines of her head.

Maura turned to her immediately tears filling her hazel eyes she slid onto the hospital bed and wrapped herself around the brunette tightly in a consoling hug, letting her know she was there and she wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm so sorry" she whispered her forehead resting on the side of Jane's head as the fearlessly strong detective wept.

* * *

**Hello loves! I'm back, I hope you're all well. This was a bit of a short chapter as I'm still jet lag and very much sleep deprived, I have several assignments due over the next few days but I wanted to get another chapter up I know I left you with a cliffhanger, so here it is.**

**Let me know your thoughts.**

**Easter is creeping up fast which means I'll be on break for 2 weeks and hopefully be able to keep the updates coming daily for you. Until then I'll try for another chapter this week but with I really do need to get this uni work done after all the previous procrastinating!**

** Thank you for all your support. Much love xx**


	22. Chapter 22

"How are you feeling?" Maura's voice filled the room and Jane pulled her gaze from out the window to the slight woman who had just entered the room clutching white flowers and lunch. She didn't know how to answer that question.

The past 24 hours hadn't registered in her head yet, it all seemed like some horrible nightmare that she was going to wake up from soon in her bed, in her home, still pregnant. But now, all she felt was pain, a horrible ache in her heart that she had never felt before like someone was stepping heavily on her chest. She looked at Maura as she placed the flowers in the empty vase beside the hospital bed in Jane's room, the doctor looked exhausted and frail she had only just been home to change out of her blood stained pyjama's and had returned within half an hour, something which Jane was secretly glad about she wasn't sure how she was going to deal with herself without Maura there.

The detective had been transferred to a private room in the recovery wing, the doctors had to monitor her for the next 48 hours just to make everything was okay. Everything wasn't okay Jane could tell them that without any monitoring but she knew that they were looking for a different kind of not okay.

"Sad" Jane replied not being able to think of another word to to express what she was feeling.

"Relieved" she added her eyes meeting Maura's "but sad"

"I was talking about how you felt physically" Maura said with the tiniest smile as she came where Jane was sitting by the window and slid onto her lap kissing her forehead lightly.

"I'm physically relived too Maur" Jane said wrapping her weak feeling arms around the doctor.

"Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No" Maura said softly

"Are you lying?" Jane asked leaning her head on Maura in a state of exhaustion.

"No" Maura replied "I'm relived too"

Jane lifted her head and looked at Maura her brow furrowed.

"I'm devastated Jane" Maura said her expression following Jane's "But I can't help but be the smallest bit relieved"

"I know" Jane said her forehead still creased with frustration "I'm fucking heartbroken, but I'm …I'm just relieved at the same time"

"It's okay" Maura told her assuringly.

"I feel horrible" Jane whispered looking back out the window fighting the tears that were welling up in her eyes again. Maura watched Jane struggle against the tears that were stinging her eyes and she began to run her fingers through Jane's messy brown locks, trailing her fingers down gently down the brunettes cheek and following her jaw line. Maura took in each and every inch of Jane's being, she knew Jane's face like the back of her hand but she would still find herself mesmerised by it; by how stunning this woman really was.

A tear fell down Jane's cheek and Maura caught it, wiping it away with her thumb. She rested her chin on Jane's shoulder and just sat in the silence that consumed them feeling the warmth of Jane's arms around her.

Jane held Maura close her eyes closed to try and stop the tears from cascading down her face, she loved feeling Maura in her arms, she knew she wasn't alone with Maura there. There was something so incredibly comforting about the doctor, Jane felt safe and the huge aching hole that had been torn in her heart felt less empty with Maura there. They kept their arms around each other and the stillness around them pulled them into it's calming lull where time became something of a distant logic, they could have stayed there forever, never parting. Maura filled her veins with warmth and love, even in such a painfully grievous time she couldn't help but feel a strange optimism and contentment. Jane never wanted to let go as she suddenly began to realise she didn't know how she would ever be able to live without Maura if anything was ever to happen to her. She felt as like if she let go a part of her would go with Maura, and leave her incomplete until they were together again. It was a terrifying feeling of dependency and she held onto the doctor tighter, afraid of the thought of life without her. Maura was pressed so close to her she could swore she could feel the her heart beating, she felt the rise and fall of her chest as she took slow deep breaths, and then the soft gentle feel of the doctors lips as she pressed them to Jane's neck in a small sign of affection, reminding the brunette she was still there, not going anywhere.

"Maur" Jane whispered and the doctors name filled the stillness of the room.

"Yes?"

"How do we get past this?" Jane's voice was barely above a whisper, she rested her head lightly against Maura's.

"I don't know" Maura replied. Those three words echoed through the room, Maura Isles didn't know. The doctor didn't know, the smartest person Jane knew in the world didn't know the answer.

"Everything is so fragile, Maur" Jane said and she felt Maura exhale slowly.

"All we can do is keep breathing" Maura answered.

And that was it. She had an answer, a simple answer. An answer Jane could live by. Keep breathing. That's what they would have to do, to live, to survive, to get through whatever hardships life threw at them. Breathe. But she didn't know in that moment if breathing was possible without Maura there.

"Please don't leave" Jane found herself saying and Maura pulled away from the brunette to look at her curiously.

"Why would I leave, Jane?" she asked and Jane just bit on her bottom lip.

"I'm not going anywhere" Maura told her and Jane just looked down at Maura's lap.

"I wouldn't even know where to go if I were to leave" she stated while watching Jane.

"You could go anywhere" Jane shrugged still looking down and Maura just smiled.

"But you wouldn't be there"

Jane looked up and was immediately greeted with Maura's kind hazel eyes that stared right into the depths of her heart.

"I want to go home" Jane said "Your home"

"Our home" Maura corrected her.

* * *

Maura stayed with Jane for the rest of the time that she had to stay in hospital, because as much as the detective wanted to return home she was bound to the confines of the hospital room until at least the next morning. So, that meant Maura was too. She had no intentions of returning home until Jane did, she didn't want to be away from her not even for a few seconds. There was just enough room for her on Jane's hospital bed and so when they were both struggling to keep their eyes open she climbed up and lay curled up against Jane, their legs tangled under the thin blanket, her head on Jane's chest she shut her eyes listening to the beat of the detective's heart.

Angela had come to visit them earlier after Maura had called her while Jane had been napping, she knew Jane didn't want to tell her mother but it wasn't right not to.

"_She's your mother Jane" _Maura had told her _"You can't keep something like this from her"_

"_It will break her heart Maur" _Jane had frowned.

"_It's broken all of our hearts Jane" _Maura had said as they stared at the phone that sat between them on the bed.

As soon as Angela had arrived tears filled the room, Maura had to step out deciding it was better to give them a moment alone. She went down to the cafeteria her heart tugging at the distance she had created between her and Jane. Sitting at one of the tables away from everyone else she had leaned back in her seat letting out an exhausted sigh. There were people all around her, people with their own lives, their own problems. A woman was wrestling with her little boy who was holding a 'Congratulations!' balloon, a man was yelling down the phone distraught, there were a group of kids sitting around one of the tables in total silence their faces filled with anguish. And then there was Maura. She sat quietly watching the people around her come and go, she didn't know what she should have be feeling in that moment, Jane was upstairs, seven floors up to be exact, and she was okay or at least she would be okay.

Maura's phone had buzzed on the table as she had sat silently consumed by the people and white noise around her, glancing down at the screen she saw Hope's name. They hadn't talked for over a week, it was only then that Maura realised how holed up her and Jane had been from the rest of the world. She didn't feel like talking to her birth mother but she knew if she didn't answer the call now they wouldn't stop until she picked up.

"Hello Hope" Maura said running a hand through her unusually messy honey blonde waves.

"Maura, how are you?" Hope's voice was elated as her daughter picked, her cheery tone almost took Maura aback as she had temporarily forgotten about the happier emotions as the past hours with Jane had been so rough.

"I'm fine" Maura had answered but quickly changed her mind "Well no, I'm not fine…I'll be fine though…but not now"

"I-is everything alright?" Hope had asked her voice dropping to a more serious tone.

"No, not really" a frown had creased Maura's face.

"Jane had a miscarriage"

"Oh my- "

"We're um…it's" Maura hadn't known what else there was to say, words were failing her and all she had wanted was to get back to Jane.

"Can I call you later?"

"Of course honey" Hope had said "I'm so sorry Maura"

"I know…thank you" Maura had said already out of her chair and making her way back to the elevator.

Much to her surprise when she got back to Jane's room Angela was already gone, she slipped through the door and onto Jane's bed placing a kiss on the brunette's forehead before looking at her intently.

"What did she say?" Maura asked cautiously and Jane just shook her head unable to form words as tears welled in her eyes.

"You don't have to tell me, if it's too hard" Maura said soothingly seeing a tear spill down her cheek. She hated seeing Jane like this, so fragile and hurt, it was almost unbearable. The fearless detective had been bought to her knees. Maura knew she needed to be strong for Jane and she was trying her hardest, but she was also grieving their baby after the long struggle to accept that Jane was pregnant and there was going to be a gorgeous little baby in their lives, it had been ripped away.

"This entire situation was just too good to be true for her" Jane looked away, brushing away the tears from her cheek. She wanted to look at Maura but she couldn't, she couldn't stand to see the doctor look at her with such a sorrowful look in her eyes.

"Jane I- "

"No it's okay" Jane cut her off her eyes fixated on the window, she couldn't get the look on her mothers face as she had come through the doors out of her mind. If she thought she had felt devastated it hadn't seemed a patch on what her mother had looked like, yet somehow Angela had still looked so composed.

"It's not okay" Maura whispered running her fingers over Jane's hand but Jane quickly stopped her trapping fingers with her hand.

"Can we just pretend it's okay for a few seconds" Jane asked her was voice thick and husky, she turned her head to look at Maura her dark eyes bored deep into Maura's.

"Yes" Maura replied quietly and the corner of Jane's mouth twitched like she would smile if she could.

* * *

When Maura woke up the next morning everything ached, yoga was her first thought until she realised why she was so uncomfortable. She was still cramped up on Jane's hospital bed. As she looked up through her bleary eyes she saw Jane looking down at her with the corner of her mouth slightly tugging upwards.

"I'm numb" Jane stated "And we can go home"

"What?" Maura asked quickly sitting up rubbing her tired eyes to try and wake her up.

"You're numb? Are you okay? What happened?"

"You happened" Jane said, Maura could just hear the hint of sarcasm that was in her voice the old Jane was in there, she was just being drowned out by her sorrows. Everything came flooding back to Maura in that moment as she looked clearly around the room then back at Jane who was still in the white and blue hospital gown, with dishevelled hair and melancholy in her dark eyes.

"I didn't want to wake you" Jane shrugged lightly "I liked you being asleep, getting away from reality is hard and you looked so peaceful" she paused "But your big brain numbed my arm"

Maura's hand reached up and touched the back of her head as Jane lifted her heavy arm up and let it flop back down onto the bed.

"I'm sorry" Maura mouthed and the two women sat looking at each other, unsure of what to say a heavy silence fell between them.

"I would like to go home" Jane said quietly when she had finished studying Maura's face in the greatest detail.

"Okay" Maura replied simply getting off the hospital bed and stretching upwards after being so tightly cramped up all night. Jane slowly got off the hospital bed reminding herself she had her own two feet she had to balance on. But she wasn't standing alone for long, Maura's arm snaked around her waist and helped her over to her where her things were on the chair. Maura helped her out of the hospital gown pulling the ties at the back undone and trying not to let her eyes linger on the muscles and soft skin of Jane's back. Jane pulled on a t-shirt and pair of comfortable pants Angela had bought in for her then gathered up the rest of her belongings before turning to Maura and biting her lip. A peculiar feeling nudged in her stomach, this room had been her home for the past 48 hours it had seen her through her worst emotions, she felt strange suddenly being free to leave this room and all the tears shed in here behind her. It felt like she would be shutting the door on that entire part of her life that just happened, leaving all the dried tears and devastation behind her. Of course she still felt horrible but she couldn't deny the craving she had for the way her life was before all this complication had set in.

"Are you ready?" Maura asked and Jane just nodded.

They left the hospital in silence. There was no mention of their loss or how they were feeling, there was no mention of anything. They were speechless. But Jane liked it that way, she knew Maura was right there and that she wasn't alone. She didn't feel alone anymore.

When they were in the car driving home Jane stared out the window mindlessly watching the blur of the traffic flash past them, she found herself being mesmerised by the colours and the distant sounds. Maura kept her eyes on the road but she couldn't help glance over at Jane every now and then, it was strange for her to see Jane so numb. And that's what she was…numb. She was starting to block the pain of what had happened, like she didn't want to deal with it anymore, or she couldn't deal with it anymore.

"Maur" Jane said quietly still looking out the window as they got closer to Maura's house.

"Can we go for a walk?"

"What?" Maura asked shocked by Jane's request.

"We've spent far too much time in hospitals over the past two months" Jane said turning to look at Maura finally, her hand resting on her cheek.

"I just want to be outside"

Maura stared at her for a moment before replying, Jane was right they found themselves in hospital rooms far more than they ever imagined possible lately and it was draining. It was wearing away at both of them, all the emotions and trauma was exhausting them to the point where they barely felt human anymore.

"I think that's a good idea" Maura said with a smile as they pulled into her driveway.

"Now?" Jane asked cutely looking out the window as the car stopped and Maura just nodded.

It was a clear winters day, the ground was wet from the snow that had melted and the chill in the air made Jane's hairs stand up on her neck as she stepped out of the car but it also made her feel alive and normal. As they began to walk down the road Maura's eyes wandered the street as though it was unfamiliar territory to her, she had been completely unaware of everything going on around them over the past couple of days. She had almost forgotten entirely that it was winter, that the roads were icy and the air was freezing cold. She felt invigorated as the winter air wrapped itself around her and made her cheeks flush pink, her blood pumping fast desperately trying to keep her warm. But suddenly she felt a hand slip into hers, fingers entwine with her own and a sudden unexpected warmth flood her entire body. She looked over at Jane who's chocolate eyes were looking straight ahead as if she were unaware her hand slipping into Maura's, but as soon as she felt the doctors eyes on her she couldn't ignore it anymore.

"What?" she asked softly looking at Maura. The sound of their shoes crunching on the wet leaves and concrete of the sidewalk filled their ears as Maura just looked at Jane with wide eyes.

"You're holding my hand" Maura whispered.

"I know" Jane whispered back and Maura had to bite her lip to stop a huge smile spreading across her face. Jane was holding her hand. In public. She didn't care that she hadn't showered this morning, or that her hair was a mess, or even that she had slept in her clothes and they were now crumpled and she was still wearing them. No. None of that mattered, what mattered was that Jane was holding her hand. And as they walked along the street breathing the in the ice cold winter air, she felt warm, she felt whole and underneath the giant stretch of pale blue sky above them she felt like everything was going to be okay, they would be able to get through this. Together.

* * *

**Hey guys! Happy Easter! I hope you're all having a great weekend. This chapter would have been up sooner but this lovely website was being a bit of a b**** and wasn't letting me upload anything. But here it is now!**

**Let me know what you think and also if you have any thoughts for where you would like to see this to go I'd love to hear your ideas!**

**Thank you for all the support, I hope the easter bunny has come to you all... if not then there's another update coming instead :) Much love xxx**


	23. Chapter 23

Jane sat naked in Maura's bathroom beside the bath, the sound of the water filling the tub ran in the background. Outside the cars sped by she had never noticed the sound the traffic from Maura's house before, she sat in such complete stillness she thought she would be able to hear the sound of her mother's footsteps in the guest house next-door. She was trying to clear her head of the million thoughts that were racing around endlessly, trying to distract herself with the ambient noises surrounding her but everywhere she looked she either thought about Maura or she thought about the baby. She had faced loss many times before in her life, at work she had to watch people deal with loss of someone, at home she had experienced the loss of her father when he left her Ma, she had lost Casey and she had almost lost Maura multiple times. But none of things in her life had been permanently lost. But now, now she had really and truly lost something that would never come back, a small growing soul inside her had gone forever.

She had been forced into the grip of inevitability, reminded of her own mortality and again her life had been unwillingly changed forever, and yet somehow diminished, the world no longer seemed so bright to her and so full of promise. She had been reminded of how fragile everything really was, how temporary and monstrous life could be. It was almost as if nothing felt real to her anymore. Nothing except Maura.

She could hear the petite woman coming up the stairs from the kitchen and before she could get herself to move off the floor the bathroom door opened and she walked in, a wine glass in one hand, the wine bottle in the other and a raised eyebrow on her face.

"You know you're meant to be in the tub not beside it" she said with the smallest of smirks.

"Thank you Doctor Smartypants" Jane said said getting up from the floor and stepping into the bath which was now nicely full with warm water and bubbles.

Maura took Jane's place beside the tub and sipped her wine thoughtfully as Jane settled down under the warm blanket of bubbles, resting her head back against the edge and shutting her eyes.

"Are you- "

"I'm okay" Jane cut her off, the lie tumbling from her lips. She wasn't okay. She couldn't shake the feeling of fear that had latched onto her soul. The fear that everything she cared about and loved was going to be ripped away from her at some point breaking her down more and more each time. She couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if she had really lost Maura. She had been lucky so many times with her best friend pulling through the toughest of situations, and more recently the car crash and head trauma. Jane had come almost face to face with losing Maura completely but she hadn't. But what if she wasn't so lucky next time? What if something happened and Maura was suddenly gone? Gone like her baby was. Unfairly, unexpectedly and cruelly taken from her. Maura was only human, life could take her from Jane in seconds and she would never be able to get her back. The thought terrified the detective. She remembered how she felt when Maura had been in hospital after she had collapsed, her world had been turned upside down in those painful hours of uncertainty. She wouldn't be able to cope with losing Maura. She didn't know how she would live without the light and love that Maura bought to Jane's life.

"You can cry if you need too" Maura's voice cut into her thoughts and Jane opened her eyes, the medical examiner sat facing Jane with an arm on the side of the tub resting her head and the other holding her half empty glass of wine.

"I'm sick of crying" Jane said in complete honesty and Maura looked at her with big soft eyes.

"You're very strong Jane" Maura said her fingers reaching out and touching Jane's arm "crying isn't a weakness"

"I know" Jane spoke quietly "I just don't think I can… I don't have any tears left"

Maura just nodded not taking her eyes off the brunette. She could see Jane was struggling with something, but she didn't know what it was that was wearing so heavily on the detective. At first she had just assumed it had been the miscarriage but she was beginning to believe it was something else, something more than that. She knew Jane would tell her when she was ready and for now that was all she needed. She was there for Jane, she was ready to help her get through this.

"_I feel so tense" _Jane had frowned that afternoon.

"_You need a bath" _Maura had told her and she had watched Jane's eyes light up at the idea.

She watched Jane soak in the bath perfectly content with the moment they were in, she could practically see some of the tension and emotional residue leaving the detective's body as she absorbed the warmth of the bath.

"I'm not so sad anymore" Jane said "I mean I'm sad, but I just feel…angry"

"I understand" Maura said quietly "There's a lot to be angry about"

Jane let out a deep sigh and looked over at Maura.

"You've been drinking more" she said changing the subject abruptly and Maura looked at her wine glass before nudging the bottle away from her.

"I'm not as strong as you" she admitted with a small shrug hesitant to take another sip.

"That's not true" Jane frowned "Absolutely not true"

"It is" Maura said.

"Maur, you have been through so much more than I could ever possibly handle, and here you are still fighting strong" Jane said sitting forward in the bath tub her soapy hand touching Maura's arm softly as she stared deeply into those beautiful hazel eyes.

"You're amazing Maura" she said and the doctor blushed a soft shade of pink at the detective's words, wanting to look away but unable to move her eyes off Jane's.

"I don't know what I'd do without you and- " she paused biting her lip as their eyes searched deeply around each other's souls.

"_I love you_"

Maura's heart fluttered, her entire body filling with happiness as those words left Jane's lips.

"I love you too, Jane"

* * *

Maura was more than relieved to climb into her own bed that night, it had been a long couple of nights in the hospital on uncomfortable chairs and cramped hospital beds; she had almost forgotten how soft and comfortable her own bed was. The feeling of complete happiness still hadn't stopped running through her veins yet after Jane had told her she loved her, it had been even more of an overwhelming feeling from the first time she had said it and Maura had stopped her. This time Jane meant it, she was ready to say those words, to commit to them and the feeling that gave Maura was close to indescribable. She remembered how this had first started, calling Jane over in the middle of the night when she drunk terrified to admit her true feelings to the detective, her best friend, her only friend. The only person she really cared about. And now here they were, they had already hit some major speed bumps without even having their relationship established, and it still really wasn't but Maura didn't care they were happy in each others presence, they were content with just being with each other. They had enough complications in their life right now. Maura looked at Jane adoringly, they were lying in bed face to face, the doctor curled into Jane's arms with warmth surrounding them. As Maura looked into Jane's dark eyes, her beautiful gaze acted like a shield for her tough heart but Maura could see through it, she could see Jane's heart and her soul, she could see everything captivated by those deep dark eyes.

She enjoyed that they didn't always need to be talking, that they could just be together creating a comfortable stillness where they could feel content, wander their thoughts yet not feel alone at all. Maura was close to forgetting what it had even felt like to be so alone for all those years, everything was Jane now, all those long days and nights she would spend mulling over her thoughts and life completely alone in her house seemed something of a distant memory. However the quietness between the two women would often remind the doctor of all the time she had spent alone in her life and it was something she did treasure as not many people found such comfort in silence as Maura did, she was grateful Jane did.

She watched Jane's eyes grow heavy remembering how those eyes were what got her through her longs nights after the accident, when she was too scared to shut them and she couldn't bare the thought of looking anywhere else but Jane's warm eyes. But those dark eyes needed to be closed tonight, Jane needed to sleep Maura knew that as much as she wanted to gaze into her eyes for the rest of her life she knew Jane had to rest. It had been a traumatic few days and finally being at home in a comfortable bed was going to do them both some good.

"Goodnight Jane" Maura whispered placing a soft kiss on the detectives forehead before curling back up into her warm embrace.

"Goodnight Maur" Jane mumbled "I love you"

Maura smiled at the words, her heart fluttering. She was never going to get used to Jane saying those words. She hoped the butterflies would never go away. Feeling her own eyes beginning to shut she hoped for a long and undisturbed nights sleep for the two of them.

* * *

Maura felt herself jump with fright as the warm bedding covering her was ripped from her body leaving her lying exposed with the cool air of the room brushing over her skin. She shivered feeling her skin prickle as she opened her tired eyes to see what had happened.

"Jane?" she asked into the darkness. She could hear the brunette breathing next to her, panting, dragging in ragged breaths of the darkness. Maura began to reach for the light switch but a voice stopped her.

"Don't turn on the light" it was a small voice, a scared voice, a voice that came from Jane. Maura immediately pulled her hand away from the nightstand and looked at the dark figure that was sitting beside her. She sat up and moved closer to Jane wrapping her arms around the woman comfortingly, immediately beginning to feel warmer after the shock of the blankets being pulled from her as Jane had abruptly sat up.

"Nightmare?" Maura asked quietly resting her head on Jane's shoulder as the detective continued to breath heavily.

"It's 2.15" Jane answered her voice trembling as she spoke.

"The time it was when you woke me…"

As soon as Maura realised what Jane was referring to she tightened her arms around the woman pulling her closer into her arms.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

"I just felt a pain and I woke up" Jane told her and Maura began to rub soothing circles on Jane's back.

"Should I go and make us tea?" Maura asked not knowing what else would possibly help the disturbed detective.

"No" Jane replied "Y-you can't turn the light on"

"Why?"

"I'm scared there's going to be blood…"

"Oh Jane" Maura said "It's okay sweetheart, it's okay"

Maura held Jane tightly and Jane hoped she wasn't going to let go anytime soon, the comfort of Maura's arms made her feel better it reminded her of everything good and everything bad. It reminded her everything that had happened in the past was in the past now. And it reminded her that Maura was here, Maura was her future.

"Just tell me when you're ready for me to let go" Maura said after they had sat in the darkness for a long period of time, not looking at the clock, not turning the light on, not talking.

"Never" Jane said "Never let go"

"But Jane…" Maura said softly "What if I need to pee?"

"You don't like sentences that begin with what if" Jane said and Maura just smiled into the darkness before pressing her lips to the detectives shoulder kissing it lightly.

"You're going to be okay" Maura reassured her.

"When?"

"I don't know" Maura answered truthfully "But I'm going to be right here until you are"

Jane managed a small unnoticed smile at Maura's words, it was the first smile that had happened since before the miscarriage. The sides of her mouth almost ached from the unfamiliar upwards stretch they had been pulled into.

"You're amazing Maura"

"Jane"

"Shut up" Jane replied before Maura could argue and Maura fell silent immediately biting on her bottom lip, letting Jane's compliment slide without disagreement. She was glad that they were in the dark at that moment, Jane wasn't able to see her blushing. The darkness was different from any other moment they had shared together, with just their voices it almost felt like it was only their souls talking to each other, their thoughts, their minds being able to communicate by themselves. It was their darkness from deep inside them surrounding them, like a frightening yet beautiful magic. Everything about Jane was so familiar to her, every time she had learned something new about the detective eventually felt like she was simply remembering. Every glance, every touch, every smile and every whisper made Maura feel like she had loved this being before, in another time, another place and another existence. Science couldn't get in the way of this feeling. Maura realised in this moment how truly emotionally invested in Jane she was, how completely and absolutely in love she was with her. She no longer felt whole without the detective around, she wasn't the same person as she once had been; alone all her life and capable of being by herself. No that wasn't her anymore, the that thought that Jane was everything she had, everything she loved and everything she needed terrified her because what if that was she was taken away from the her one day, what would become of Maura then?

* * *

**I just want to say thank you for all your support and comments you've been leaving, I really do enjoy reading them and seeing what you're all thinking. I hope you're still with me, there's plenty more coming soon :)**

**Much love xxx**


	24. Chapter 24

As Maura came down the stairs the next morning she was greeted with an excited Jo Friday who leapt up and down enthusiastically at Maura's feet.

"Good morning Jo" she smiled bending down to give the small dog a quick pat. Jane had bought over Jo when Maura had been unwell as something more interactive then Bass to keep her company while the detective was at work, after that since Jane had never really left Maura's place neither had Jo Friday. Maura liked having the small dog around although sometimes she would forget and receive a large shock when she arrived home to an overexcited little dog ready to be let outside. Maura hadn't had the pleasure of owning pets growing up, her parents seemed to look down upon having animals in the home despite Maura begging them for several years when she was about 7 years old to let her have a cat, which she argued mainly take care of themselves and are far less messy. But they still told her no and eventually she went to boarding school in France and the idea of having a pet was forgotten.

Maura went into the kitchen with Jo Friday still bouncing along at her ankles, she was eager for a hot cup of coffee and to see Jane who hadn't been in bed when Maura's alarm had woken her up for work. She had begun to realise that Jane always seemed to rise earlier than her no matter what.

Jane sat crossed legged on the island counter with a extra large orange juice carton between her legs and a block of chocolate in her hand, Maura immediately came to a halt as she saw the detective noticing straight away that Jane was in fact wearing her silk dressing gown. Her eyebrows shot up as she looked at the brunette who munched on the chocolate unaware that someone had even entered the room.

"Hi…" Maura said not patient enough to wait for Jane to notice her.

Jane looked up at Maura with wide eyes like a deer that had been caught in the headlights, she finished her mouthful before glancing at the chocolate bar and then back at Maura.

"Breakfast?" Maura asked moving closer to Jane the sound of her high heels on the wooden floor echoing through the house.

"Not exactly" Jane replied pointing at the cereal bowl and plate behind her. Again Maura lifted an eyebrow in confusion.

"You went back to sleep, and I decided it was breakfast time" Jane shrugged using two hands to lift the orange juice up and take a long sip straight from the bottle.

"You had breakfast in the middle of the night?" Maura asked shocked, as she started to prepare her espresso machine.

"I couldn't go back to sleep Maur" Jane told the doctor after she had put the juice down.

"Wait, you've been awake since two o'clock in the morning?" Maura asked stopping what she was doing and looking up at Jane concerned, suddenly seeing the dark rings under Jane's eyes. Jane didn't reply to Maura's question, she just quietly looked away unsure of whether Maura was mad at her for not going to sleep or upset that Jane hadn't woken her when she couldn't return to sleep.

"Have you been eating since then?" Maura asked beginning to clear Jane's dishes away into the dishwasher, a hint of humour in her voice.

"I'm gonna get fat" Jane announced.

"That's optimistic" Maura replied.

"Well now that I don't have to be eating all that health crap…"

Maura immediately glanced over at Jane to try and read her expression, she knew the detective masked her pain with sarcasm and humour as often as she could and she wanted to know if this was one of those times, because she didn't have to do that around Maura she didn't need to keep up her walls.

"Jane" Maura said softly and Jane just looked at her almost rolling her eyes.

"Maur…"

Maura continued looking at the detective trying to make absolute certain that Jane was going to be okay, it was only when Jane tapped her wrist indicating Maura to check the time that she diverted her eyes.

"I assume you're not going to work today?" Maura asked as she poured her coffee quickly and realising she was going to be a few minutes late.

"No" Jane said looking down and playing with one of her fingers "I'm just not ready to face anyone, _that_ look everyone will have on their face"

"Which look is that?" Maura asked sipping her coffee.

"The look you had on your face about twenty seconds ago"

Maura frowned.

"Do they all…know?" she asked.

"Well I assume so because my mother works in the building" Jane sighed.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay home today?" Maura asked knowing she was probably showing too much of Angela's concern and coddling towards Jane, but she couldn't help feel protective she needed Jane to be okay.

"Maura" Jane groaned "Go to work, please, I fear that if you don't go back soon you'll do an autopsy on me in my sleep"

"That would never happen" Maura pouted "I don't have a scalpel in my bedroom"

"Well that's reassuring doctor thank you" Jane smirked slightly "You're still going to work though"

"Fine" Maura said a smile playing on her face at the familiar tone of the conversation the two of them were having, it almost made everything feel normal.

"But call me- "

"If I need anything, I know" Jane said as Maura gathered her coat and purse before leaning over and placing a kiss on Jane's cheek with a little grin before disappearing out the front door.

As Maura got into the car she couldn't help but let the little smile tugging at the corners of her mouth stretch across her face. Normal was a term that hadn't been applicable to her life for a very long time now, but this morning she could almost agree with the idea that her conversation with Jane had been relatively normal. Their banter and cheeky looks they had given each other was almost exactly what everything used to be like between them before all the complication.

As she started the car her radio came on and the familiar voice of the weather man filled her car warning the listeners of the storm that was heading towards Boston. Maura hoped that it wouldn't hit until she had gotten home from work, she was already nervous enough driving her car these days after the crash. She wished she could have stayed home with Jane today but she knew the detective was right in sending her to work, they had barely in over the past month with everything that had been happening in their lives, Maura feared that she was going to be out of touch with her professional self if she didn't return soon.

Yet as soon as Maura was in the morgue and a body was put on her table everything came to her easily, the way it always did. The feel of the cool metal of the scalpel through her latex gloves, the smell of her black scrubs, the harsh neon light above the body. Everything was the way it should be and finally everything in Maura's life felt like it was in order.

Her mind only began wandering to Jane once she had begun stitching the Y incision back up after the autopsy, she started to wonder what the detective might be doing, she imagined her on the couch watching some kind of sport yelling at the players like they would be able to hear her and take her advice. She found herself smiling at the thought of the brunette and quickly wiped the look from her face strictly reminding herself that she was at work.

She started clearing up after the autopsy when Frost unexpectedly entered the morgue making Maura jump with fright at the sound of the door banging shut.

"Hey Doctor Isles" he said and she spun around with a scalpel in hand and Frost took a step back putting his hands up in surrender.

"Whoa"

"Sorry" Maura frowned putting the scalpel back down "I was just…I'm sorry"

Frost smiled warmly at her, but remained hovering by the door as he had never been too fond of being in the morgue. although he had gotten better at handling the sight of death there was something eery about it down there that he could never quite get used to.

"Is everything okay?" Maura asked continuing to put away her medical equipment.

"Yeah, I was just wondering how Jane was" he said and Maura immediately looked up at him.

"She's… she's been better" the doctor replied honestly and Frost just nodded shifting in his place, Maura lifted an eyebrow knowing there was something else that was on his mind.

"Is that all?" Maura asked watching him carefully as he looked up at her biting his lip nervously.

"It's just I never realised she was…"

"Pregnant?" Maura finished for him.

"Yeah" Frost said his brow furrowing "She never told me and she's my partner"

"It was nothing personal Barry" Maura said kindly "It was a difficult situation and she wasn't ready to tell anyone"

"I'm sorry" Frost said shaking his head.

"It's okay"

"No I mean I'm sorry about what happened, it's horrible" he said looking up at her with his chocolate brown eyes full of sympathy, Maura opened her mouth to reply but closed it again when no words came out.

"Thank you" she said finally, her voice was quiet and she looked away afraid she might tear up.

"Doctor Isles…" Frost said and Maura could feel his eyes still on her.

"Yes?"

"How have you been holding up?" he said and Maura immediately looked up at him, obviously the expression on her face startled him as he quickly added.

"I don't mean to pry, you don't have to answer that I was just wondering…"

"I'm fine" Maura said quietly.

"Are you sure?" he asked and Maura could hear the genuine concern in his voice.

"I know it must have been hard for you because of the baby being- "

"Casey's" Maura said trying not to flinch at the name. The two of them stared at each other for a moment, they had never shared such personal details about their lives with each other before, it was strictly professional but now Frost seemed to be trying to get Maura to let her guard down, he was there as a friend not a colleague.

"You know" Maura said simply when he didn't say anything else.

"About?" he asked tilting his head to the side.

"Jane… and I" Maura said slowly and a brilliant smile stretched across his face revealing his pearl white teeth.

"Of course I know" he chuckled "It's kinda really obvious"

Maura lifted an eyebrow "Does everyone know?" she asked suddenly feeling nervous.

"If they have half a brain then probably…but I mean, didn't we all see it coming?" he said giving her a cheeky look and Maura's mouth fell open.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean Doc" Frost smirked and Maura just stared at him, had it really been that obvious the entire time?

"But Jane"

"Jane is a badass detective, but so am I, and I see the way she looks at you and it's like her entire world stops spinning" Frost said giving a nonchalant shrug then beginning to turn towards the door leaving Maura standing there speechless.

"And if you ever need to talk, I'm happy to listen" he added before slipping out the door.

* * *

At 3.18pm Maura went up to the Brick to deliver the first of the results from the autopsy, but when she stepped out of the elevator she was greeted with a strange silence. Walking into the main office it was empty, all the desks were deserted and everything was still. The only person that was still there was Sargent Korsak who was packing up papers at his desk.

"What's going on?" Maura asked confused.

"Everyone's gone home before the storm really sets in" Korsak said gesturing at the rain whipping at the windows outside.

"Wouldn't want to be stuck here in a snowstorm that's for sure, you should get going too Doc, this case ain't going nowhere for the meantime"

"Oh" Maura said and nodded an excited feeling creeping up in her chest at the thought of getting to go home early and see Jane.

"Are you sure?"

"Do you want to get stuck here while there's a storm out?" Korsak asked her and she immediately shook her head.

"I'll my things then" she said turning on her heel to go back down to the morgue.

"Do you need a lift?" Korsak called out after her.

"No thank you Sargent" she replied "I have my car"

"Alright" he said "Keep safe Doc, it's only getting worse"

* * *

As Maura stepped outside the BPD icy rain lashed against her coat and face, fresh snow had already fallen in the time that she had been at work. It was slushy and crunchy underfoot as she walked towards her car fumbling with her keys as her fingers began to feel numb from the cold air. She was grateful when she was finally in her car out of the teeth-chattering weather, but as she slipped her key into the ignition to start the car an unwelcome spluttering noise emitted itself from the car.

"No" Maura muttered trying to start the engine again but hearing the same puttering sound.

"Fuck" she groaned leaning back in her seat and shutting her eyes. After a few minutes had passed she opened her eyes again and retried one more time and when the car didn't start for the third time she pulled out her phone ready to call Jane but something stopped her. She didn't want the detective to come and get her, it was already dangerous on the roads with the icy conditions and heavy rain and she couldn't bare the thought of something else happening to the woman she loved.

Taking a deep breath and wrapping her coat tightly around her she opened the door of the car and stepped outside into the rain and bitingly cold wind. The ice cold raindrops that hit her face sent shivers down her spine as she trekked across the car park onto the sidewalk, she tucked her hands deep into her coat pockets and kept her head down as she braved the weather figuring it couldn't be that far to her house from BPD.

After 10 minutes of walking she was filled with deep regret of her decision not to call Jane, as selfish as she felt she didn't know how much further she could even make it. She was freezing to core, her teeth chattered in the cold, her hair was drenched and plastered to her face and every inch of her was dripping wet, snowflakes landing on her shoulders and in her hair. The roads were practically deserted, everyone already safely in their houses tucked up beside the fire with hot cups of tea. The thought made Maura want to cry, she just wanted to be home this was too much for her. She couldn't understand why everything in her life had suddenly gotten so difficult. What had she ever done to deserve this?

* * *

Jane glanced over at the time for the third time within the past 5 minutes. The weather outside was deteriorating at rapid speed into the storm that was supposed to hit later that night. Last time there had been a severe storm warning BPD sent all their officers and detectives home early to be safe, all precautions were being taken and it was lucky too as the storm had been brutal and people hadn't been able to leave their houses for days. She had tried calling Maura but the doctor wasn't answering her phone which was very unlike her, and Jane was starting to get worried. She had been trying to distract herself by watching ESPN but it wasn't working anymore, she just wanted the doctor home and safe. Getting off the couch she wandered over to the fridge and pulled out a beer, it wasn't the smartest choice of drink but she was just hoping it would help take the edge off until Maura was home.

She sat at the counter sipping her beer and staring at the clock watching the minute hand tick around until she had memorised it's beat and rhythm, she could have sworn it was getting slower and slower.

Rain lashed against the windows while clouds rumbled overhead, _come on Maura_ Jane thought _please come home._ A small rattle outside the front door jolted Jane from her thoughts and she leapt to her feet dashing over to the door and yanking it open.

"Oh my god" were the first words that tumbled from her mouth as she saw the medical examiner standing on the doorstep shivering violently and dripping wet, her keys lying in a puddle in front of her.

"What happened?" Jane asked grabbing the woman by both her shoulders and pulling her inside, quickly picking up the dripping wet keys and then shutting the door.

"T-the c-car b-b-broke" Maura stuttered her lips practically blue from the cold.

"Babe why didn't you just call me?" Jane frowned pulling Maura's coat off her before wrapping her arms tightly around the soaking wet woman and rubbing her back frantically trying to warm her up.

"D-dangerous" Maura mumbled pressing herself into Jane's embrace and shutting her eyes feeling the other woman's warmth through her drenched clothes.

"Maur, you walking home was probably more dangerous, you're ice cold" Jane frowned still rubbing Maura's back trying to generate heat.

"I'm s-sorry" the doctor mumbled.

"I was worried about you" Jane said softly and kissed Maura's head lightly.

"I w-won't do it a-again d-don't wo-worry" Maura said her voice still shaking as she still felt chilled to the bone.

"You're the dumbest genius I know" Jane said with a slight laugh as relief flooded through her that the doctor was safely home and in her arms.

* * *

**Sorry this update took awhile! Enjoy :)**


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